Xmas - is it reasonable for him to stay at his mum's and visit?

[LovelyBitOfSquirrel69]

22yo stepson left home for Uni 4 years ago. Doesn't come home much as it's a long train journey. For various reasons we no longer have a bedroom for him at our house but his mum lives only 20 mins away and he has a room there.

Am sure he'll be home for Xmas which is great, but I don't really want the chaos that comes with him sleeping on a sofa/mattress on the floor etc. Is it acceptable to have him come visit, have dinner etc etc and then have him sleep at his mum's where he has a bedroom?

So give him your room and you and OH sleep on inflatable mattress in the living room? He doesn't yet have a home of his own so needs one with his dad. If you don't have the cash to get a place bit enough for him to have a room then you all have to compromise to make that possible.

Put him in one of the kids beds for the night and the kid on the sofa /transfer when they are asleep.

I kind of understand what you mean about chaos in that my DS18 doesn't get out of bed until late in the day so understand blocking your living room would be a pain

It’s too late: you did away with his bed and room at your house. So the chaos of the sofa etc is down to the way you managed things. You don’t want him to have a bedroom, you don’t want him on the sofa…

Very few ‘leave home’ for Uni: they go to Uni but have home as the base for the many weeks of non term time.

He’ll probably prefer to stay at his Mum’s and visit.

Your DH should talk to him about what he prefers to do.

But stop making out the ‘chaos’ is his fault.

"Erm, he doesn't get up til lunchtime. Which means I can't use my living room all morning."

Erm, well he will do at Christmas won't he because you'll wake him. Or he can have a different bed and someone else go on the sofa, or swap if he wants to go back to sleep.

Will a blow up mattress not fit in any of the bedrooms? I’d probably give him a bed and have littler kids share. Mine used to get excited about having a sleepover in their siblings bedroom! Obviously don’t know who you have living in your house/number of bedrooms though.
And your DH may want to have a few drinks rather than taxi about his DS.

People mentioning her smaller DC - there aren't any.

There's a daughter at uni and teenage SS.

OP why does he no longer have a bedroom?

There was a post a few months ago, exact same scenario. Nearly everyone thought OP was unreasonable.

I'm 44 and am going to stay at my Mum's for Christmas. Along with my partner and two children. My brother is also coming. It is going to involve sofa beds, someone sleeping at another place entirely and bed sharing with one of the kids. That is chaos but it is something we are willing to do because we want to spend time together.

If he wants to be there, of course you should put up with what isn't chaos at all. If he doesn't want to be there, then you've got no issue. Have you asked him?

You should have a look at Rhodri Marsden's twitter page and the "duvetknowitschristmas" threads and see where people end up sleeping.

Ah so no other dc!!

You are being so unreasonable op!!
The fact you have withdrawn his bedroom, let me guess for a hobby room for you. Oh you know exactly what you are doing! You are edging him out. Having decided he is now a young adult, you can slowly fade him out.

Disgusting actually, and I feel so sorry for the poor lad. I wonder why your dh puts up with you treating his son so badly, says a lot about him too.

Some really weird and unnecessary responses here about putting small children (that may not exist) in the living room to accommodate him or giving him your room, to avoid him sleeping in until noon in the living room. Far more logical to just have him sleep there, but wake him up before noon!

There are so many solutions to this you just clearly don’t want him there. Yabvvu and I hope his dad puts his foot down and allows his son to stay for Xmas ffs, like I’m sure you would your own children. Do you think he’s happy about already having to lose his room and now sleep on the couch?

Poor kid. Yes it's unreasonable.

Can't he put an airbed in the room that used to be his?

Why doesn't he have a bedroom anymore? My DSS went to uni last September and like yours he's miles away so only comes home in the main holidays (not the half terms). We use his room to keep stock in for our new(ish) business - however he still has his bed, and we pile everything into our room when we know he's coming home - so our room is piled high of stuff, not his.

He will have a bedroom until the day he gets his own house - and even then we're going to have a sofa bed in there for whenever he needs it.

Where did he sleep before he went to university?

So much dramatic responses. You can't tell him he can't stay if that's what he has assumed he would do. That would be harsh. However, going home to his room might very much be his preferred ch

Oops! Preferred choice anyway.

Better ask in advance though. Wouldn't your OH like a few drinks on the day?

Where will your Uni aged Dd sleep?

OP how would you answer the question. If it was being asked about your own child?

Where did he live before he went to university? 50/50 with you and his mum or primarily with mum and EOW with you? I think this is quite relevant. If he saw your house as his home YABmassivelyU but if otherwise it's not such a big deal as long as he's included in your festivities.

The 'duvet know it's Christmas?' thread on Twitter is one of the most heartwarming things to read over Xmas. People post pictures of the weird and wonderful sleeping arrangements they put up with to be able to spend time all under one roof (air beds on kitchen floors, squashed in the attic among boxes of stuff etc). It's a minor inconvenience for one night but will make him feel loved and wanted. It's a no brainer really.

It's brilliant, isn't it? One of the highlights of Christmas!

Wow, this is a jump to a conclusion 😮

I think he would feel very unwelcome if he's not worth a few hours if not being able to use the living room...