Wow, I'm always told I do so much for my partner but seeing all of these posts really has made me realise it. I always look after my partner's daughter, I work from home though currently on maternity leave. All school holidays she spends with me, even when working. I did all school runs after she went back to school after lock down as my work was flexible, his wasn't. She goes to school half an hour away due to her mum not living in same town so it was a big commitment, 2 hours out of the day minimum and normally resulted in me working late to make up for lost time.
Continued this on my first maternity leave and it was much harder, getting ready to leave the house started at 2:15, getting back at 4:10 ish, as had to get the baby out, coats/pramsuits on etc, then I'd read with her, do her maths, get her showered, nearly always get her ready for school too. Wow honestly I am shocked at how much help I am to him. When I went back to work after our first I couldn't do the school runs anymore, the times simply couldn't work, despite my work telling me I could be flexible with looking after baby and work in the evenings if needed I just didn't want to. I wanted to be fully committed to looking after my baby after nursery and I was already pregnant again so was tired in the evenings, doing the school run as well would have meant working for two and a half hours in the evenings which I would have wanted to do after bedtimes so would have meant working until 10:30. So my partner's parents helped but he had also gone self employed and had some flexibility to do both nursery and school runs. Now I'm on my second maternity leave and getting out in the morning at 8am feels literally impossible. There is no option to drop and go which some schools offer, I also now have a much bigger car so can't squeeze in somewhere close to the gate and also now getting 2 babies out and wrapped up warm. SD's mum drops her on the road of the school to walk in on her own, something my partner and I don't feel comfortable with at 8yo.
His parents are still helping out with lifts this first school term, youngest is only 3mo but I've been feeling guilty for not doing them... I'm still getting her ready for school in the mornings. One evening she goes back to her Nan and Grandad for tea and the other nights she comes straight home and I do the usual, snack, reading, maths, shower, dinner.
We split everything big for her financially 50/50, like a big clothes shop, but in all honesty I pick up the cost of nearly everything else. I of course love her very much. As a parent in my own house I do put rules in place and I will tell her if she isn't following any rules, eg if she's not talking kindly, not doing as she's told. There is no discipline in the house at all imo, i.e. No consequences for unacceptable behaviour and so I wouldn't dream of disciplining her. But if her dad started putting consequences in place I wouldn't even think twice about doing the same with her and I believe he would fully support me on this, if he asked me not to and to leave this to him I would also not find this a problem. She sees me as a parent in this house and I would say I treat her as one of my own. Maybe I shouldn't feel to guilty for not doing the school runs, it would definitely impact my 14mo's naps.