Step son problems

[ootred]

My step son is a difficult little boy. (Aggressive, unemotional, doesn't like others company) He's only six, and personally I feel his issues are more rooted in how he is parented (lack of boundaries etc)

Anyway, I tend to keep out of it but over the last few months it's directly effected my DDs when he is here. He's threatened to hurt them, actually hurt them, and more recently started acting sexually explicit with them.

DP has tried talking to his ex on numerous occasions, but she is of the opinion that 'boys will be boys' and said my DD needed to get over it and that was 'her problem' as she is older than her son so should just take it,

Moving forward. My DDs came back from their dads today and the eldest two of them were really crying. It turns out that last time he was here, he was exposing himself to them again and refusing to stop. I asked why they didn't tell me and they didn't want to upset my partner. Six hours they sobbed for as we discussed it. They have only recently gone to sleep.

Essentially is DSS is here, my DDs don't want to be. I have 50/50 care with their dad and DP has EOW and school holidays with DSS. WTF do I do?

In fact I would go further and say that in the event this child is being abused he could have to come and live with you full-time, and it wouldn’t be fair to your DD’s to bring such a disturbed child into their home, so IMO you owe it to your DD’s to leave this relationship.

Having some personal experience of a similar situation this, child protection investigation was immediately launched, which included multiple in person meetings with the child and took several weeks to conclude.

Could you call the NSPCC yourself & talk it through? If you can I’d suggest you do so without telling your DP or anyone for that matter. This whole thing doesn’t add up & someone needs to make sure this little boy gets the help he needs & all other children safeguarded. Please do not leave your children alone with your DP or DSS until this is all clarified.

The problem is, as soon as you say the child has a social worker they stand down and defer to them. In some instances they don’t even share the concerns brought to the fore.

@HotDogKetchup I may have missed it in the thread, but I don't think OP's DSS has an assigned social worker does he?

@ootred the more I think about this the more worrying it feels.. not just the behavior but the lack of empathy and fact your DSS does not seem to acknowledge this behavior isn't ok. These are all very worrying things, and not at all normal. This attitude, is not acceptable and implies some pretty worrying views from his mother:

she is of the opinion that 'boys will be boys' and said my DD needed to get over it and that was 'her problem' as she is older than her son so should just take it,

I'd be asking for support for your DD to work through what they've had to deal with, including knowing they must always tell you when something happens they aren't comfortable with - regardless of whether it upsets someone else. Social services have people who know how to handle this stuff in an age appropriate way. Their discomfort needs to be acknowledged and supported, including keeping them away from your DSS.

@Pinkyxx he already has some SS involvement and if there’s already been an investigation it might be that they don’t pursue Op’s concerns on that basis. I learnt this firsthand. Raised concerns about a child with a HC professional and safeguarding contact asked if child had social worker, said yes. That was it.

@HotDogKetchup goes to show how much experiences vary, in our case child had already had social services involvement, but cases all had been closed (which is how I read it to be for OP's DSS). Didn't stop SS opening a child protection investigation when similar concerns to the one's OP is talking about got raised. The prior involvement wasn't deemed even vaguely relevant. If anything the SW who investigated told me the prior involvement made it all the more worrying..

@Pinkyxx

Im sure it depends on who you speak to…