Step son problems

[ootred]

My step son is a difficult little boy. (Aggressive, unemotional, doesn't like others company) He's only six, and personally I feel his issues are more rooted in how he is parented (lack of boundaries etc)

Anyway, I tend to keep out of it but over the last few months it's directly effected my DDs when he is here. He's threatened to hurt them, actually hurt them, and more recently started acting sexually explicit with them.

DP has tried talking to his ex on numerous occasions, but she is of the opinion that 'boys will be boys' and said my DD needed to get over it and that was 'her problem' as she is older than her son so should just take it,

Moving forward. My DDs came back from their dads today and the eldest two of them were really crying. It turns out that last time he was here, he was exposing himself to them again and refusing to stop. I asked why they didn't tell me and they didn't want to upset my partner. Six hours they sobbed for as we discussed it. They have only recently gone to sleep.

Essentially is DSS is here, my DDs don't want to be. I have 50/50 care with their dad and DP has EOW and school holidays with DSS. WTF do I do?

Somebody is abusing that kid. Call SS, and restrict contact with your kids as much as possible until the situation is clarified.

And no, SS cannot decide is not abuse just on the basis of a a telephone conversation, press for more support.

Yes, can you move out?

I wouldn't have him in my home. You're absolutely not over reacting.

Ok, I understand your frustration as SS is unlikely to follow up on sexualised behaviour before the kids are 8 years old but that doesn’t mean kids sexualised behaviour is normal before that age, especially if he is trying to put his fingers in.

Sorry OP, but you need to kick a fuss, big time. It is not against the ex, but about how your DP AND His EX manage the situation, your Dp is absconding responsibility if he continues to let his ex go away on the basis of “boys will be boys” or “it is malicious” he just should NOT drop the subject as his kid is at risk whatever his mother says.

We have autism running in the family, I can assure you that what you are describing has Nothing to do with simply running naked around around the house from time to time.

Your children come first, stop the visits all together until both deal with the situation. Interestingly, although stoping contact may put the kid at further risk… it can also get the mum off her arse and denial, as no mum would want the contact reduced when the dad is a positive figure or even if it is because if the contact stops she gets no respite whatsoever, so that may motivate her to listen to your DP and discuss the subject in a more mature and child centred way.

"Not my monkey, not my problem"
My daughter would be kept farrrr away from this little boy.
DP can visit him and have discussions with the Ex about sorting out the behaviour before he grows up. Sounds very concerning but it isn't your problem to solve. You focus on your DD and the trauma she has been through. My heart breaks for her and you!!

Your daughter should feel safe and comfortable in her home.
DP sorts it or I would move out.

I thought exactly the same.
As 6/7 year old wouldn't normally have any idea about this!!

This isn't your issue to sort I'm sorry to say.

When it comes to a toss up between your children and your step children you MUST put your children first.

Leave SS's issues to his parents and for the sake of your daughter's, move out and let them have a space with you they feel comfortable and safe in before they decide they don't want to be in your home at all.

Put bluntly SS isn't your problem, don't concern yourself with sorting out his problems. He's his mother and father's problem to sort, you need to prioritise your own daughters.

I usually think that MN can be a little over the top at times on similar threads (topic not content) but on this occasion I think this behaviour is very very worrying. I am shocked that SS have said this is "normal". I don't think it is normal at all.

Show you mine, Show me yours is very normal at this age. This goes far, far beyond that imo.

Can you make a complaint to SS and ask them to look again or call NSPCC and ask for further advice on what to do next?

Hard to tell from your OP exactly what happened that made your daughters so upset. If it was a one off willy exposing, I'd write it off as something young kids do do occasionally. At six they're really realising that boys and girls are different down there and it's interesting to them.

However reading between the lines, he has been doing something more disturbing and possibly on more than one occasion too - it's not just a little silly willy moment. So I agree with a PP that there may be abuse going on for him, either way action needs to be taken to safeguard him and your kids.

Talk to your ex and rearrange contact so that your DDs and your SS are not in your home are not the same time. Don’t worry about telling your ex the gist of what’s been going on - your DDs will have told him already!
Longterm your SS needs support from outside agencies to monitor his behavior and try to stop it. But you and your H are engaging with all the authorities and social services already so you’ve got that covered. Hopefully it’s a short phase.

6 hours crying is way over the top re. your dds so I'd have a look at the way you parent too. Are you sure there's no special needs here?

You cannot be serious

You get your partner to take him elsewhere EOW

6 hours crying because a 6 year old waved his willy about to get a reaction seems extreme yes. Having said that , if I were OP I wouldn't leave them unsupervised and would nip it in the bud very quickly if it happened in my presence.

Have you shown him the nspcc Pants video/ resources. I'd also ask school to support coming up with a social story/ script that you can use (e.g private parts are for private places).

@RedHelenB I would advise that you read all the OPs posts and reconsider that statement.

Are you joking ?
She was clearly bothered and disturbed by this inappropriate behaviour.
It is our duty as parents to keep our children safe. It isn't way over the top is she feels uncomfortable. I hope you do not have children.

Got to be honest here if DP only sees his DS EOW and school holidays that's an awful lot of time spent with his mother who sees nothing wrong in it and now the social services say its normal behaviour it seems she'll let it ride.
OP you really do need to either ask your DP to get his DS's mother to meet and have a proper discussion about it or, and it's not ideal but ban him from your house while your DD's are there before you lose them to their DF.
This child is 6 now but who gets to decide the age when it's socially wrong to do these things, by then it'll be set in his mind that it's acceptable.
You all need to be reading from the same page OP or don't let him near your girls.

What because a child is getting a little girl to pull down her pants and put her finger in her anus ? And she's to frightened to tell the adults in her life.... wow

Her crying is a normal reaction to a abnormal situation.

He's only 6, and sounds young ( possible SEN) for his years. OP was very quick to blame his mother. SS aren't concerned. Little boys are fascinated by their private parts and find them funny.

@RedHelenB Have you read the OPs updates? I don’t even want to retype what was said but it’s a damned sight worse than waving his Willie about.

As the mother of several sons I can categorically state that this is not normal little boy Willie waving behaviour. Its true they can be a bit obsessed but not in a sexual way. This child is either being sexually abused or he is being exposed to very inappropriate material.
You really need act fast and go to the police immediately

Does his dm have a bf? Other siblings there? Unsupervised anywhere at all with anyone? Does he have access unsupervised to tech? You need to dig deeper.

Speak to school... This won't get better. Yoir dd's need kept away.

You say the schools are aware, but you also say you only found out the worst of this yesterday.
This is a massive safeguarding issue, DSS's school needs to be informed about this latest development urgently. I agree with most of the other posters, it sounds as if he is being exposed to sexual behaviours that are troubling.
As far as your DDs are concerned, you have to make sure that they do not have unsupervised contact with him, or indeed any contact at all. I knew a little boy who was sexually abusing girls in his class during class, with the adults in the room being oblivious to what was going on under the table. I'm telling you this so that you know that abuse can happen while the adults are in the room.

If I was DDs dad, I would be keeping them away. Don't risk losing your children.

I'm sorry but it's a little offensive to anyone who knows/loves a SEN child to suggest this is normal for SEN child and minimising what op has put and reducing it to "Willy waving" ... actually quite disturbing to do that iMO.

It makes me think you have read OPs updates and would also put head in sand like DSS mum is doing. Are you the DSS mum in question or something 😵‍💫

Btw this is dangerous behaviour to ignore not only for any child DSS comes into contact but also for DSS himself as it sounds very much like he's been exposed to something way beyond his years and all markers of abuse are there.

But sure will waving 🙄