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Step-parenting

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Original poster

BM 'dropping stuff off'

88 replies

treeplant · 07/09/2022 17:02

Just want to rant a bit really and hope that someone understands how weird situations like these ones feel.

We live in an end terrace house and have cameras on the front, side and back of our house, they're linked to our phones so my DH and I get a notification when some sort of movement sets off the cameras. A couple of hours ago I've watched DSC's mum walked round the front, side and then back of our house to apparently drop off some stuff. My DH and I are at work and DSC were at school at this point.

Whilst she didn't do a 'nose on the glass' type look in to the house, you can blatantly see her staring through two windows on the front of the house and the doors at the back, like a really hard stare the whole way round (no side windows). So I was literally sitting at my desk watching my DH's ex look into my home.

I feel like this is just inappropriate and unnecessary. I might come across as being over sensitive, and other people might not care so much, but for me this crosses a boundary. I find it weird and I feel like it's an invasion of our personal space. Not sure whether relevant, but I've had a few issues with anxiety the past year or so, which had been getting better, but things like this just make me feel worse. I feel as though my home is my nice, calm, peaceful space where I can feel comfortable and not have to be on edge, but the DSC's mum is definitely someone that puts me on edge - especially turning up uninvited and unannounced.

I text my DH about it and apparently she messaged afterwards to say she dropped a bag off and that it was clothes. We didn't even need clothes, we have loads at our house!

This isn't the first time it's happened and she has been told before by my DH that it's not necessary, clothes can be dealt with on a weekend handover. I can't imagine any other situation where it's ok for an ex to turn up at a house and stare into it the way she did?!?!

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 07/09/2022 18:59

Get your DH to ask her if she wants to come and have a proper tour of the house as you'd seen her on camera looking in the windows.

Hyacinth2 · 07/09/2022 19:03

Get DH to send her a video of the downstairs (like in house sales) 'as she is obviously interested'.

Hurdling · 07/09/2022 19:03

Ugh invasion of privacy yes, my step daughters mum used to use any excuse to drop something over, or post something unnecessary, call her out and tell her to stop. Some people have no self control!

Catfordthefifth · 07/09/2022 19:10

pimlicoanna · 07/09/2022 18:57

I don't think I'd like it either. However if my child was spending time at a different house you can guarantee I'd be peeking through any available window to check out what the house looks like inside.

Why? I mean you probably lived with the ex and you'd know how they lived.... Really weird.

jrt2022 · 07/09/2022 19:11

Chill. She was probably just seeing if anyone was in. Not really a big deal?

jrt2022 · 07/09/2022 19:12

Also, her own children literally sleep in this house. I think as a mother i'd have a peek inside when dropping stuff off too.

HopeThomas · 07/09/2022 19:23

Lilithslove · 07/09/2022 17:33

I don't think I would mind DSCs mum dropping stuff off if she needed to but there's not much that couldn't just be sent with the kids and the peering through windows thing is very weird.

Put it this way, if you asked if you would be unreasonable to drop off a bag of clothes that were not needed to at your partner's ex's house so you could look through the window you wouldn't be told that it was an OK thing to do. You might be told it's fine on here as some people think SMs aren't allowed normal boundaries but OP, this is weird!

Yes this 100% this. Imagine if it was the other way around!!!
It's absolutely bonkers that people are implying this ok......!

Dragonskin · 07/09/2022 19:24

Huge invasion of privacy on her part.

I would have spoken to her through the doorbell (assuming you can) and waited until she got back round the front again. Nothing rude just 'Hi (name), you've just popped up on the security system so wanted to check everything is ok? Did you leave something for the kids round the back?'

Let the cheeky cow know she's been seen (and hopefully make her cringe)

Catfordthefifth · 07/09/2022 19:31

jrt2022 · 07/09/2022 19:12

Also, her own children literally sleep in this house. I think as a mother i'd have a peek inside when dropping stuff off too.

Why? What exactly do you need to see?

Would you appreciate your ex doing this to you?

MeridianB · 07/09/2022 19:37

It’s weird and unnecessary, DH should point this out to her.

Midlifemusings · 07/09/2022 19:38

Dropping things off is fine. Wandering around to side and back doors when she knows no one is home and peering in would be a bit much.

Arewethebadguys · 07/09/2022 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

nachoavocado · 07/09/2022 19:41

jrt2022 · 07/09/2022 19:12

Also, her own children literally sleep in this house. I think as a mother i'd have a peek inside when dropping stuff off too.

Why. Its none of your business.

OP - I'd ask DH to message her to say once again clothes can be handed over when the children are and can she please refrain from staring through the windows as it alarms the neighbours who think she looks like a thief.

nachoavocado · 07/09/2022 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

Do you go up to other people's houses and state in the windows? If so stop it it's weird.

m00rfarm · 07/09/2022 19:44

Just send a screen shot of her looking in the window and ask her if that is definitely her as you are about to contact the police because there have been a few break ins in the area and then you wondered whether it was her.

Livelovebehappy · 07/09/2022 20:14

I’m sure I would do the same tbh. Too tempting to have a bit of a nosey if the opportunity is there…. Nothing malicious or weird about it - just an ex having a peek.

Catfordthefifth · 07/09/2022 20:19

Livelovebehappy · 07/09/2022 20:14

I’m sure I would do the same tbh. Too tempting to have a bit of a nosey if the opportunity is there…. Nothing malicious or weird about it - just an ex having a peek.

... how is that not weird? It's really fucking weird.

nachoavocado · 07/09/2022 20:22

Catfordthefifth · 07/09/2022 20:19

... how is that not weird? It's really fucking weird.

Show quote history

I'm worried some people think this is perfectly unweird behaviour

2MinuteRice · 07/09/2022 20:32

I have no take on the situation.

Just wanted you to know that using BM for the mother of your step children is awful. You didn't adopt them, you aren't their 'new' mother, they have parents already as described in your post.

Just for info as I know people like to pick I'm a 'birth' daughter, step daughter, 'birth' mother and step mother. I love with my step children full time and I'm not their mother, they have one.

BloodAndFire · 07/09/2022 21:03

2MinuteRice · 07/09/2022 20:32

I have no take on the situation.

Just wanted you to know that using BM for the mother of your step children is awful. You didn't adopt them, you aren't their 'new' mother, they have parents already as described in your post.

Just for info as I know people like to pick I'm a 'birth' daughter, step daughter, 'birth' mother and step mother. I love with my step children full time and I'm not their mother, they have one.

👏

Original poster
treeplant · 07/09/2022 21:21

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2022 17:34

Ha I bet this isn't unusual. I'd love to have a little nosy around a couple houses - I just wouldn't dare to!
Yes of course she shouldn't do it but she's obviously curious. Has she ever been in your home? That might make it stop.

I think this is it, we're all nosey really but I would never dream of acting like this, and so blatantly too.

She's only ever been to our front door and even then my DH has commented that he feels like she's always trying to look past him and look in if that makes sense?

For the posters saying I 'sit on a computer watching her' it's a load of rubbish. I've said we get a notification of movement on our cameras, we're allowed cameras, allowed to see what happens on our property, his ex has no right to be wondering around.

OP posts:
Martinisarebetterdirty · 07/09/2022 21:30

It’s really really weird, my children spend time at their dad’s partner’s house, I’ve never been past the door and I don’t feel the need to look. Yes it’s human nature to be nosey but you don’t walk around the back of someone’s house to peer in!

Original poster
treeplant · 07/09/2022 21:42

2MinuteRice · 07/09/2022 20:32

I have no take on the situation.

Just wanted you to know that using BM for the mother of your step children is awful. You didn't adopt them, you aren't their 'new' mother, they have parents already as described in your post.

Just for info as I know people like to pick I'm a 'birth' daughter, step daughter, 'birth' mother and step mother. I love with my step children full time and I'm not their mother, they have one.

I literally put 'BM' for ease of understanding who was who. I've never said I'm their mum or that I want to adopt them or that I'm trying to take that place. I haven't even mentioned anything about our relationship? No idea where you've got that from and I would appreciate if you wouldn't call me "awful" or comment on things I've never said.

Thank you to the posters who have shown understanding and support, I just want our boundaries to be respected.

OP posts:
justusandmoo · 07/09/2022 21:49

Ignore the BM comments OP. As soon as I saw your thread title I knew you'd get jumped on for a simple mistake.

It is strange that she feels the need to come over and drop off random stuff when it's really not needed. I'd hate it if my partners ex wife did that. However I think we are all a bit nosey so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm sure there is no harm intended.

pimlicoanna · 07/09/2022 21:50

@Catfordthefifth not really sure it's weird. Obviously I'd know the ex. I'd be checking out the house and to an extent the new partner.

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