BM 'dropping stuff off'

[treeplant]

Just want to rant a bit really and hope that someone understands how weird situations like these ones feel.

We live in an end terrace house and have cameras on the front, side and back of our house, they're linked to our phones so my DH and I get a notification when some sort of movement sets off the cameras. A couple of hours ago I've watched DSC's mum walked round the front, side and then back of our house to apparently drop off some stuff. My DH and I are at work and DSC were at school at this point.

Whilst she didn't do a 'nose on the glass' type look in to the house, you can blatantly see her staring through two windows on the front of the house and the doors at the back, like a really hard stare the whole way round (no side windows). So I was literally sitting at my desk watching my DH's ex look into my home.

I feel like this is just inappropriate and unnecessary. I might come across as being over sensitive, and other people might not care so much, but for me this crosses a boundary. I find it weird and I feel like it's an invasion of our personal space. Not sure whether relevant, but I've had a few issues with anxiety the past year or so, which had been getting better, but things like this just make me feel worse. I feel as though my home is my nice, calm, peaceful space where I can feel comfortable and not have to be on edge, but the DSC's mum is definitely someone that puts me on edge - especially turning up uninvited and unannounced.

I text my DH about it and apparently she messaged afterwards to say she dropped a bag off and that it was clothes. We didn't even need clothes, we have loads at our house!

This isn't the first time it's happened and she has been told before by my DH that it's not necessary, clothes can be dealt with on a weekend handover. I can't imagine any other situation where it's ok for an ex to turn up at a house and stare into it the way she did?!?!

You'd be checking out the house?! Why you're so nosey.

Why though? What would you be hoping to see?

Checking out the new partner. Ugh. Would you like the new partner checking out you? I'm not sure you would!

Some people on here really think a mother can do no wrong. I would shit myself if I looked up and saw my ex looking in my back window!

I think it only works one way. I'm a step mum and the DSC's mum is literally no one to me. I probably wouldn't even recognise her. Yet she seems to know all about my spending habits and job etc.

OMG! Get some reaaaalllly creepy Halloween decorations up near the window for next time!

Oh ffs of course I understand the purpose of a security camera; I cannot comprehend why you would have one on a bog standard home unless you live in a very high crime area or have the Crown Jewels inside (in which case deal with it better anyway).

A camera never stopped a crime and even if you see a break in from work, it’s highly unlikely the police will blue light out, so what’s the purpose of them except to wind yourself up by seeing things that wouldn’t bother you in the least otherwise? Not like the Roman turfed a brick through. She had a very human nosey into a window because we are all human and have an interest in others especially when they’re in some way linked to us.

WHO it is is immaterial here tbh. What a load of fuss about nothing.

@Catfordthefifth.clearly It's a bit silly of you to say what I'd do as you're just a random on the internet. But to answer you, of course I'd expect them to check me out too! I'd find it odd if they didn't.

So if I went up to my DH's ex's house and had a good look through the windows that would be fine?!

@Catfordthefifth I've set out my view. I'm not interested in responding further.

Or just accept that it's human nature to be curious, especially about a house your children stay in??

@RJnomore1 no but it would make a burglar confess to the burglary when they are caught.

I've been burgled and the guy was caught. It wasn't a one off....

If you were my DP's ex and tried that you would end up with a non-molestation order. Then again she has been warned not to come near my home and the occupants for any reason.

I know other people whose ex's - female as well as male - who have been told the same. In a few cases they are allowed to doorstep hand overs of their children but aren't allowed to come to their ex's home for any other reason.

‘Mother’ would have sufficed OP 🙄

She turns up uninvited to “drop things off” when she’s been asked not to? And the stuff isn’t wanted? And peers in the windows? And she’s done it before? Not ok.

I really don’t understand the people who said they’d have a look through the windows. What on earth for? Wouldn’t you feel you’re invading their privacy?

Send her the video with a wtf.

While I think most of us wouldn’t like it, a lot more people would be tempted to do it than are prepared to admit on here.

Even if they didn’t actually do it I don’t believe for a second that most people wouldn’t be tempted to in some instances.

As for the cameras, I agree they have their uses, but this need to be notified every time someone is anywhere near your property is bonkers. Even on the least sensitive setting the bloody things are so sensitive it must go off all the time.

I have a ring doorbell and I disabled the notification setting other than for the doorbell because the bloody thing was for ever sending notifications of people who were just outside my gate, walking by, parking their car, walking their dog and the list goes on. Drove me mad.

The camera footage is still visible, I just don’t see the point in constantly being notified of what is 99% not necessary to know about.

Yes curious fine, but to actually go snooping is weird

Was that meant for me?

Wtf... Is this a serious suggestion? To get someone to stop having an uninvited snoop at your home you should give them a tour of it?

Meanwhile, back on earth...

I can safely say I have never in my life walked around someones house front and back staring into their windows no.

The fact you think that's a normal thing to do says a lot about you to be honest 😂

And you'd look like a nosey freak in the process tbh.

I can't imagine my husband ever circling his exes house to peak inside any available window. People would call the police I imagine.

What would knowing what your exes kitchen look like achieve? How would that improve anything? What are you expecting to see? A dungeon?

Wondering around your exes house to peer in his windows IS definitely weird. And I can guarantee you'd find it weird if your ex did it to you.

Honestly anyone openly admitting they'd go an peer in their exes windows when they were out are just painting themselves as utter weirdos. It's really not something I'd happily admit to.

Imagine being so biased against step mums that you argue that their partners ex walking up to their windows and peering into them is normal!

Can you imagine any other scenario where people would be defending someone's right to act like a peeping Tom!!

I would put a postcard in the back window. On it, write, 'If you are reading this you are on camera.'

Or "HELLO EX - are you lost?"