BM 'dropping stuff off'

[treeplant]

Just want to rant a bit really and hope that someone understands how weird situations like these ones feel.

We live in an end terrace house and have cameras on the front, side and back of our house, they're linked to our phones so my DH and I get a notification when some sort of movement sets off the cameras. A couple of hours ago I've watched DSC's mum walked round the front, side and then back of our house to apparently drop off some stuff. My DH and I are at work and DSC were at school at this point.

Whilst she didn't do a 'nose on the glass' type look in to the house, you can blatantly see her staring through two windows on the front of the house and the doors at the back, like a really hard stare the whole way round (no side windows). So I was literally sitting at my desk watching my DH's ex look into my home.

I feel like this is just inappropriate and unnecessary. I might come across as being over sensitive, and other people might not care so much, but for me this crosses a boundary. I find it weird and I feel like it's an invasion of our personal space. Not sure whether relevant, but I've had a few issues with anxiety the past year or so, which had been getting better, but things like this just make me feel worse. I feel as though my home is my nice, calm, peaceful space where I can feel comfortable and not have to be on edge, but the DSC's mum is definitely someone that puts me on edge - especially turning up uninvited and unannounced.

I text my DH about it and apparently she messaged afterwards to say she dropped a bag off and that it was clothes. We didn't even need clothes, we have loads at our house!

This isn't the first time it's happened and she has been told before by my DH that it's not necessary, clothes can be dealt with on a weekend handover. I can't imagine any other situation where it's ok for an ex to turn up at a house and stare into it the way she did?!?!

I think it depends on how often she 'drops stuff off' if it's every week then it's odd and she needs to get more organised, but if it's a one off, then I think a bit if a nosey is expected - I probably would too

then I think a bit if a nosey is expected - I probably would too

I'm assuming you'd be happy if your child's step mother dropped some stuff off at yours when you were at work and had a bit of a nosey too? No? Would that be weird?

I can understand the temptation but people admitting they'd actually do this are very, very strange.

I might go and have a nose around the Ex's property. I'm sure that will go down well..

@PointedlyPointed so you'd not even glance in the window? Op stated she didn't have her nose up against the window.

As for if my ex looking in my window, no, it wouldn't bother me, as long as he didn't have his nose up against the windows. I hardly keep my PIN number, sex toys or nude photos out on display. He's likely to see my pots on the drainer and slippers by the door

so you'd not even glance in the window? Op stated she didn't have her nose up against the window

No .. I wouldn't. Why would you? Its nosey odd behaviour.

Its one thing peering in the windows of houses you pass as you walk past with your dog in the evening and quite another to walk around someones house back to front staring in their windows regardless as to whether your nose is pressed up against the glass.

If my DSCs mum caught me nosying around her house she'd have something to say no doubt. It's unnecessary and weird behaviour.

Get some damn blinds and stop referring to your step kids mother as their "birth mother" 🤨

Get some damn blinds

Or you could just expect normal sane people not to be peering in your windows when you're at work?

I agree

Ah yes, I forgot we must all shut out the natural daylight as our penance for being stepmums

No I wouldn't. It's fucking weird.

I wonder if this was a male staring into my home, wondering round the garden, making me uncomfortable despite being previously asked to stop, would I still get the same flippant responses? Or even if a step-mum had been staring into a DC's mother's home and she was uncomfortable, would the replies still be to 'close the damn blinds' in the middle of the day or get rid of our security cameras?

I'm also interested to know why some posters are more 'freaked out' that I've looked at a notification on my phone from my camera of my home, than my DH's ex having a nosey round our garden and staring into our home?

And to the posters who would be ok with someone doing this in your home/garden, why do you think it doesn't matter that it crosses mine and my DH's boundaries and makes us uncomfortable?

I’d message back to say ‘yes we know, our security cameras captured your visit.’

OP the answer to all of your questions is 'because this is Mumsnet'. Lol. It's not the real world. People being more freaked out that you have a camera that you can check from your phone (the same as loads of people have these days) than an ex snooping through the window just says it all. Honestly just take it all with a pinch of salt xx