BM 'dropping stuff off'

[treeplant]

Just want to rant a bit really and hope that someone understands how weird situations like these ones feel.

We live in an end terrace house and have cameras on the front, side and back of our house, they're linked to our phones so my DH and I get a notification when some sort of movement sets off the cameras. A couple of hours ago I've watched DSC's mum walked round the front, side and then back of our house to apparently drop off some stuff. My DH and I are at work and DSC were at school at this point.

Whilst she didn't do a 'nose on the glass' type look in to the house, you can blatantly see her staring through two windows on the front of the house and the doors at the back, like a really hard stare the whole way round (no side windows). So I was literally sitting at my desk watching my DH's ex look into my home.

I feel like this is just inappropriate and unnecessary. I might come across as being over sensitive, and other people might not care so much, but for me this crosses a boundary. I find it weird and I feel like it's an invasion of our personal space. Not sure whether relevant, but I've had a few issues with anxiety the past year or so, which had been getting better, but things like this just make me feel worse. I feel as though my home is my nice, calm, peaceful space where I can feel comfortable and not have to be on edge, but the DSC's mum is definitely someone that puts me on edge - especially turning up uninvited and unannounced.

I text my DH about it and apparently she messaged afterwards to say she dropped a bag off and that it was clothes. We didn't even need clothes, we have loads at our house!

This isn't the first time it's happened and she has been told before by my DH that it's not necessary, clothes can be dealt with on a weekend handover. I can't imagine any other situation where it's ok for an ex to turn up at a house and stare into it the way she did?!?!

if i was her i'd be more freaked at you sitting on your PC at work watching her lol

Perhaps you should get rid of the cameras. They’re causing you stress, distracting you from work, and what are they actually for anyway?

Hell no.

I don't think I would mind DSCs mum dropping stuff off if she needed to but there's not much that couldn't just be sent with the kids and the peering through windows thing is very weird.

Put it this way, if you asked if you would be unreasonable to drop off a bag of clothes that were not needed to at your partner's ex's house so you could look through the window you wouldn't be told that it was an OK thing to do. You might be told it's fine on here as some people think SMs aren't allowed normal boundaries but OP, this is weird!

Ha I bet this isn't unusual. I'd love to have a little nosy around a couple houses - I just wouldn't dare to!
Yes of course she shouldn't do it but she's obviously curious. Has she ever been in your home? That might make it stop.

I mean, she is on the OP's property staring through her windows so I don't think she's in a position to be freaked out.

Also, is your user name an Eels reference?

OP do you have a sign up to somewhere on your property saying you have security cameras? If not put a sign up.

Then the next time she snoops your husband needs to contact her before she contacts him to inform her that she was seen on the security cameras and she should not drop stuff off he doesn't want when he is not in.

Once she realises she is being watched she should stop the snooping.

My cameras have the option of speaking through them. I probably would have spoken up!

Or whispered her name to freak her out

Boo!!

oh come on, she just wanted a wee nosey at Susan's house, its totally Novocaine for the Soul

I would hate this. Put bolts on your side gate.

You honestly don’t know what security cameras are for? I’ll give you a clue. They’re for security. And when you’ve caught someone coming onto your property uninvited and peering through your windows, the normal response is not to get rid of your security cameras.

Is she going to burgle you? If the answer is no then you've nothing to worry about.

Oh - and she isn't a BM - she is your stepchildrens mother.

So it would be ok for the OP's DH to do the same in reverse e.g. go to his ex's property and peering through her windows while dropping off unwanted/unneeded stuff?

😂

She would have done or tried to do the OP for harassment.

Take a screen shot and send her it. Ask her is something was wrong in your house when she was looking in. You were concerned something had caught fire or something.

I was obsessed with the Eels as teen 😍

@takemetomybeach can I come to your house and look through your windows then? I am not going to burgle you so it isn't weird.

Both Beautiful Freak and Electro Shock Blues are up there in my top 20 all time albumbs

This thread is bonkers - of course it’s weird she did this. No one would want anyone doing this, why would DSC DM be okay?

DH’s ex used to take ‘a shortcut’ past our house - she lives 15 miles away and had no reason to be in our small single track lane village but she also has no boundaries and was SO nosey. Some people are just odd.

So none of you disagreeing with me have ever looked through windows before? Sorry if I've missed this OP but has she been into your house before?

Not into my ex's house no because I'm not a total weirdo, nor would I give a shit!

Dhs ex let herself into my house once. I lost my shit.

You could put some net curtains up which will give you some privacy.

To be honest, I would totally feel the same as you as her actions have infringed on your privacy. I would keep the cameras up as they are good for collecting evidence.

Also, your husband needs to be having words with her......or you can if you feel up to it.......I think she's crossed a line here.

I don't think I'd like it either. However if my child was spending time at a different house you can guarantee I'd be peeking through any available window to check out what the house looks like inside.