Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed

162 replies

tellyou · 31/07/2022 21:51

DSC arrived today, I was in the bedroom with my 2 month old baby and DH told me that DSC had been exposed to chicken pox by their 4yo nephew who developed spots when they were visiting yesterday.
The DSC told my DH in the car on the way to ours, so exw never told DH but he phoned her to confirm it was true
DSC has never had CP so I've had to decamp to my sisters house with my baby for three nights to protect my baby, would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
pitchforksandflamethrowers · 31/07/2022 23:05

@HumptyDumpty2022 I think since mn posted a gentle reminder that step parenting board is for step parents although other thoughts are welcome for people play nice. We have a few sudden "coverts" to sm.

That said if people realised they can have a opinion and be a mum, step child or whatever they are welcome to join in, all they have to do is play fairly. I can offer my opinion on multiple births, but since I have not had a multiple birth my opinion is probably lacking the experience that's needed to make a nuanced opinion.

Leftie202 · 31/07/2022 23:08

I’d be annoyed given that your baby is still so young. If the baby was over 6 months ish I’d probably not be so bothered but A tiny baby… yeah she should have let you know

DuchessDarty · 31/07/2022 23:11

HumptyDumpty2022 · 31/07/2022 22:24

Yes I am!
I don’t believe you’re a step mum. You wouldn’t say the stuff you’ve come out with, step mum bingo bollocks.

Show quote history

Maybe try doing a quick search before making accusations?

I just did one - the first post that came up was from 2020 and @supersonicginandtonic was referencing her SC.

PortalooSunset · 31/07/2022 23:22

Would you have moved out if ut was your own child?! You're being OTT I think, unless your baby is particularly vulnerable (I mean health conditions not just being a baby).

aSofaNearYou · 31/07/2022 23:23

PortalooSunset · 31/07/2022 23:22

Would you have moved out if ut was your own child?! You're being OTT I think, unless your baby is particularly vulnerable (I mean health conditions not just being a baby).

It isn't avoidable when the exposed child only has one home. This is totally different.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 31/07/2022 23:23

It’s not her own child though. That’s a big difference.

Hurdling · 31/07/2022 23:24

Yes chicken pox can be really serious for babies, your husbands x should have communicated.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 31/07/2022 23:25

@tellyou did they do a blood test to check you still have immunity in your blood. Since you can get chicken pox again (who knew) if you had a v mild case the first time.

Likelyhood Dc won't get it but there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping a newborn safe.

Could mum have simply overlooked this issue ? Not joined the dots ect (not excusing it but my sister simply didn't know you were supposed to keep newborns and heavily pregnant women away from people with chicken pox) or was this deliberately left out. Either way you have every right to keep baby safe.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 31/07/2022 23:27

PortalooSunset · 31/07/2022 23:22

Would you have moved out if ut was your own child?! You're being OTT I think, unless your baby is particularly vulnerable (I mean health conditions not just being a baby).

I moved out to my mums when Dd got it 🤷🏼‍♀️ and even without the health conditions of my DS, I would do the same again when he was a wee one.

Vulnerability is a factor here. You have to protect the most vulnerable which is the newborn in this situation.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 31/07/2022 23:29

And it’s totally fine for a mother to want to protect her newborn. We are biologically programmed to do so.

FuchsAndMöhr · 31/07/2022 23:33

tellyou · 31/07/2022 21:54

@FawnFrenchieMum I was advised by the health visitor if I could get away I should as it's dangerous for young babies, luckily I could decamp as DSC isn't my own child so that argument is null and void

You spoke to your health visitor on a Sunday 🤷🏼‍♀️

FuchsAndMöhr · 31/07/2022 23:37

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 31/07/2022 22:23

I’d have been really angry at the ex for not letting us know. I don’t care if small
children are regularly exposed to illnesses or whatever. My view would be that my 2 month old did not need to be exposed to chickenpox via a nonresident half sibling who could come at a different time.

WOW 😳

Nonresident half sibling?! Way to cement that family huh?!!

FuchsAndMöhr · 31/07/2022 23:40

tellyou · 31/07/2022 22:29

No the HV said they are most contagious before the spots develop

Yes, for 1-2 days!

However, the incubation period is up to 3 weeks. Are you staying clear of your SC’s for 21 days?

Misty999 · 31/07/2022 23:40

Yes very inconsiderate I wouldn't expose a baby so young to chickenpox your doing the right thing OP staying at your sisters.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 31/07/2022 23:40

They are a nonresident half sibling. They may stay 2 nights a fortnight. They only share one parent.

Its an accurate description. Even if it offends your sensibilities about ‘family’.

MzHz · 31/07/2022 23:40

FawnFrenchieMum · 31/07/2022 22:07

You don’t see the problem, yet have posted about it?

Are you going to decamp every time their is an ill child in DSCs class?

Show quote history

Oh don’t be idiotic! This is CP that absolutely CAN seriously affect babies and potentially kill them!

which is why chicken pox parties are absolutely NOT supported by anyone with any nous at all. There’s no difference here.

id have been fucking livid. We’ve just spent 3 sodding years with a communicable illness and dsd mum thinks nothing of sending a child who has had a close contact with Cp to the house where there’s a tiny baby? Let alone being an adult and giving the other adults the chance to consider the best options. That’s fucking deliberate. I’d have turned the car round tbh. Rescheduled the weekend just for everyone to be on the safe side.

it’s about the adults here making the right choices for the safety and well being of others

FuchsAndMöhr · 31/07/2022 23:44

The lack of knowledge about CP on this thread is astounding.

Maybe all those with their knickers in a twist about exposing the baby should educate themselves.

And this is coming from someone with zero tolerance for CP exposure having known someone who lost their otherwise healthy child to it!!

Boxofbics · 31/07/2022 23:48

I'd go mad.

DSD's mum should have said.
DH should have either turned the car round and explained to DSD there will be extra days with a treat etc in a few weeks or similar. She obviously isn't comfortable to tell her dad as soon as she could and probably would have understood the reasons for not mixing with a baby.
DH should have called you to discuss.

You've done the right thing. Baby is so young and there's no point taking risks you don't need to.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 01/08/2022 00:17

@FuchsAndMöhr I'm not looking for a debate here but genuinely wondering what lack of knowledge you are referring to re CP ?

Most people want to keep their children safe, I'm not sure what's wrong with that tbh.

What misinformation is being spread ?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 01/08/2022 00:23

@FuchsAndMöhr i was coming on to say this! Isn't the incubation period 3 weeks. So if you're exposed and you catch it you only develop spots in about 3 weeks and you're most contagious for the 48 hours before the spots arrive until they've crusted over.

Johnnysgirl · 01/08/2022 00:25

tellyou · 31/07/2022 21:54

@FawnFrenchieMum I was advised by the health visitor if I could get away I should as it's dangerous for young babies, luckily I could decamp as DSC isn't my own child so that argument is null and void

The health visitor advised you to leave your home because your step children had contact with a case of chicken pox!
Surely not? This is hard to credit.
Their mum really should give her head a wobble, though.

DuchessDarty · 01/08/2022 00:32

@Johnnysgirl the OP has clarified that by "the health visitor" she means her relative who is a health visitor.

Misleading of the OP. Bad advice by the HV relative.

Johnnysgirl · 01/08/2022 00:40

DuchessDarty · 01/08/2022 00:32

@Johnnysgirl the OP has clarified that by "the health visitor" she means her relative who is a health visitor.

Misleading of the OP. Bad advice by the HV relative.

Ah, I see. That was a deliberate attempt to mislead, for sure.

FuchsAndMöhr · 01/08/2022 01:14

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 01/08/2022 00:17

@FuchsAndMöhr I'm not looking for a debate here but genuinely wondering what lack of knowledge you are referring to re CP ?

Most people want to keep their children safe, I'm not sure what's wrong with that tbh.

What misinformation is being spread ?

See the post below yours.

Even if the SC has caught CP from the contact they’ve been with today he isn’t going to be contagious to the OP’s DC for the next couple of days at a minimum.

If she’s wanting to completely keep her DC away ‘just in case’ she needs to stay away from the SC for around three weeks and even then they may not catch it.

You can’t live life like that otherwise you’d be permanently isolating!

That’s before we even start on the disingenuous HV!

FuchsAndMöhr · 01/08/2022 01:15

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 01/08/2022 00:23

@FuchsAndMöhr i was coming on to say this! Isn't the incubation period 3 weeks. So if you're exposed and you catch it you only develop spots in about 3 weeks and you're most contagious for the 48 hours before the spots arrive until they've crusted over.

Exactly this!