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Original poster

Would you be annoyed

162 replies

tellyou · 31/07/2022 21:51

DSC arrived today, I was in the bedroom with my 2 month old baby and DH told me that DSC had been exposed to chicken pox by their 4yo nephew who developed spots when they were visiting yesterday.
The DSC told my DH in the car on the way to ours, so exw never told DH but he phoned her to confirm it was true
DSC has never had CP so I've had to decamp to my sisters house with my baby for three nights to protect my baby, would you be annoyed?

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aSofaNearYou · 01/08/2022 12:26

ClocksGoingBackwards · 01/08/2022 11:59

We get it. You think the ex can and should do whatever she wants and the dad should suck it all up. Alternatively, they could communicate like adults.

Pathetic. Theres no need to project opinions onto me that don’t exist, and that is clearly not what I’ve said.

Expecting a father to live up to his agreed responsibility is not expecting him to suck up whatever the ex wants.

I said I understand why the ex might have felt like she couldn’t tell her children's father without there being a negative consequence for her children and tried to explain a different perspective. That’s all.

But in saying this, you ARE arguing that the ex's right to not even have to deal with her ex potentially, but not necessarily asking to swap contact (something she could refuse) is more important than their need to put measures in place to protect the young baby.

That is the implication of what you're saying. The kids maybe feeling rejected by something they should logically be raised to understand is not a rejection, which the dad may not even ask to do and the ex would then have the power to refuse even if he did, is more important than Op and her DH having the opportunity to protect their baby from serious harm.

namechanged4it · 01/08/2022 12:29

DP should ahve been told by ex. He couldn't have done anything differently as he did not know. Hope you and baby are OK x

Ontomatopea · 01/08/2022 12:31

ClocksGoingBackwards · 01/08/2022 11:34

Because it’s not hard to see that a child who is in perfect health being told that they are a risk to their baby sibling and that they aren’t allowed to see their own Daddy might easily feel some degree of rejection.

They aren't stupid. It can just be explained to them that they are swapping weekends or whatever the arrangement is. It's one of the benefits of having two homes, you can protect the other household at times of vulnerability.

billy1966 · 01/08/2022 13:25

aSofaNearYou · 01/08/2022 10:31

The ex had a responsibility to tell, but the Dad in this situation also had a responsibility to continue with his planned contact with his children. Surely you can understand that she might have been worried about her children being let down by their Dad?

Why do you consider them seeing their dad worth infecting a vulnerable baby?

His ex was very unreasonable not to give a heads up.

Clearly deliberately did it when they were on their way.

Very selfish.

CP can be a terrible dose.

Mine all had it.
One had a mild dose and got a dreadful dose two years later.

I would vaccinated now if given the choice, wasn't back then.

Very young babies are vulnerable.
Why anyone would put them at risk is hard to fathom.

BungleandGeorge · 01/08/2022 14:31

a question for all those suggesting changing weekends- when do you propose that it will be ‘safe’for dad to see them? And what about if they did get CP? How many weeks is acceptable without parent contact?

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 01/08/2022 14:43

@ClocksGoingBackwards if my dsd can grasp that you stay away from young babies if you have something like chicken pox and it's not a rejection.

You may assume that mum didn't tell dad about it because she's worried he wouldn't have them. Others might view it as that she doesnt care about the vulnerability of a newborn opposed to her wants needs. Or maybe she just didn't put two and to together and it's been a long time since she had a baby and just forgot. All of that is a assumption which we can't know either way.

Op has asked a question- is she unreasonable to want to be told so she can make a informed choice re her child. Her risk tolerance re her newborn will be different from DSC mums. As the child's mother she has the right to make her own risk assessment of a newborns health.

To assume and mix this all up with contact being dropped is fairly ironic, considering contact wasn't impacted when she found out. So if mum did assume that DH wouldn't have the kids because of chicken pox, she would be really really wrong.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 01/08/2022 16:03

Is it the same if they've been in contact with someone who has V&D? It wouldn't occur to me to isolate my kids who've been in contact with someone who had CP unless they started exhibiting symptoms.

Also has the op said whether the kids have had the cp vaccine- it's standard on the NHS scheme isn't it?

DS2 had someone in Montessori with CP and 3 weeks later 2 others in their pod had it. I kept an eye out for spots for the first few days in case he had been exposed by the same person the first kid had. And I kept an eye out for spots when the other 2 got them. But I didn't keep him off Montessori for 6 weeks or away from people. He has been vaccinated though.

Original poster
tellyou · 01/08/2022 19:30

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov it's not a standard vaccine, you have to pay for it and it's only from 1yr old

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 01/08/2022 20:04

I think if you can afford it definitely get it for the sdc as soon as you can. And then your little person when they're old enough. Not worth the risk when it's avoidable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2022 22:32

BungleandGeorge · 01/08/2022 14:31

a question for all those suggesting changing weekends- when do you propose that it will be ‘safe’for dad to see them? And what about if they did get CP? How many weeks is acceptable without parent contact?

Say one of the DC gets sick in two weeks, but the other doesn't. You have to then factor in another three weeks. Say one gets it in two weeks, then the other gets it from their sibling in two weeks after that and it lasts a week or two. You're up to weeks by then.

Exactly how long is it OK for dad not to see some of his children for?

The 'you should give a heads up' is fair enough but what does everyone do then? The DC stay at mums for weeks? The baby stays away for weeks?

chilledbubble · 01/08/2022 22:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2022 22:32

Say one of the DC gets sick in two weeks, but the other doesn't. You have to then factor in another three weeks. Say one gets it in two weeks, then the other gets it from their sibling in two weeks after that and it lasts a week or two. You're up to weeks by then.

Exactly how long is it OK for dad not to see some of his children for?

The 'you should give a heads up' is fair enough but what does everyone do then? The DC stay at mums for weeks? The baby stays away for weeks?

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If the baby is vulnerable then yes baby can stay away for a few weeks. Or dad can go and meet the children outside like in bloody covid times.

aSofaNearYou · 01/08/2022 23:07

The 'you should give a heads up' is fair enough but what does everyone do then? The DC stay at mums for weeks? The baby stays away for weeks?

Baby could stay away for the visits and/or DH could have contact elsewhere (his parents maybe).

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