Would you be annoyed

[tellyou]

DSC arrived today, I was in the bedroom with my 2 month old baby and DH told me that DSC had been exposed to chicken pox by their 4yo nephew who developed spots when they were visiting yesterday.
The DSC told my DH in the car on the way to ours, so exw never told DH but he phoned her to confirm it was true
DSC has never had CP so I've had to decamp to my sisters house with my baby for three nights to protect my baby, would you be annoyed?

The what if they were yours argument is bollocks- they aren't. If a family members child visited with chicken pox knowingly and didn't tell you, the rhetoric from this thread would be very, very different and fully supportive of you. This is basically what has happened. A family member's child has come to the house and parent has given you no prior warning. This is a very young baby- 8 weeks, and chicken pox is or can be more severe at this age. I'm glad you had somewhere else to go, and hope you have a fun time at your sisters!

What's the plan going forward in the next few weeks OP? You probably need to have a conversation with your DH about whether you're going to do this for the next few visits, given incubation periods.

Yes I’d have been furious. Chicken pox is dangerous to young baby. Your baby is probably not “newborn” but still very young. I wouldn’t want a 2 month old exposed.

i know someone who was just at the point of giving birth/had a newborn baby and also a 2yo and a 4yo. The 4yo got it from nursery and the mum did have to decamp whilst it went through the 4yo and 2yo. So it doesn’t just apply to step mums.

The incubation period is about 2-3 WEEKS not DAYS. And that's if they get it, which they may not considering they with with a child who had it, they don't currently have it.

I assume OP will need to be out of the house for a month now, just in case.

Thank you @DuchessDarty, @HumptyDumpty2022 you look a bit silly now 🤣

So you're staying at your sister's for the next 3 weeks?

Your step child doesn't yet have chicken pox? They have only been in contact with someone who has?

The mother should have told her ex and not sent the DSC.

What sort of person exposes a tiny baby to a potentially dangerous disease?

Selfish cow.

Chicken pox is contagious around 3 days before the spots break out, and iirc the incubation is around 14 days.

Your DSC weren’t contagious at the point they came to your house so there was 0 chance of them giving CP to your baby.

Also, just because they’ve been exposed doesn’t mean they’ll definitely catch it.

Children are unknowingly exposed to cp all the time and don’t catch it, it’s not a given.

I think it was very wrong of the ex not to warn of the exposure.
That was unkind to her own child -who had to say something and the op and her baby.
Op is a new mum and understandably worried and cautious.

Yes I think that is what annoys me most about the DSC telling DH things like this in the car or when they've been dropped off. He then has very little chance to tell me and me to work out if I want to hang around with DC or not. It's better now DC is older but back when we had a new born and all the covid stuff was testable it was a nightmare and very stressful. We always told her if we had anything like that, I don't think it's fair to not give her the option of swapping weekends etc in those circumstances.

I found this article useful when making the decision to leave the house while DSC are there
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK279622/
It says that CP can be very serious for newborn babies so I don't know why me going to stay with my sister for a couple of days has emoted such anxiety and upset in some PP. The article also says exposure to the virus for the first time almost always results in an infection so we have to presume that DSC has the virus starting right this minute as it was sustained exposure over a couple of days during which the other child developed spots, this is the most contagious period.
The question is now... how do I go forward? I don't think DSC is due back for a little bit because of holidays, hopefully if they do have it it will come and go quickly but I think I'll just avoid until the 21 days are up.

Your link is about contact with someone who has chicken pox?

Your stepchild doesn't actually have chickenpox at this point do they?

@exnewwifeproblems they probably have it now but are not displaying spots yet. Have people not learned anything during the pandemic about viruses

@tellyou how often do they come over ? If EOW avoiding them and letting dad carry on with contact at home seems like the easiest option, just in case should be fairly simple given 21 days.

That said if they do come down with spots they are only infectious until all the spots scab over and start dropping off which for us was day 5ish ? (I believe I'm happy to be corrected as not medical professional).

I don’t think you can complain really. You said they are not your children and whilst that’s true, they are your husband’s children… he can’t just opt out of parenting because they might be sick (same as I couldn’t stop parenting my oldest, if they were sick, once my new baby arrives).

I can’t see any problem with you going elsewhere with the baby though.

It would have been good to know though so I could make my decision to leave. If the DSC hadn't of happened to say in the car it would have been too late for that. At no point did DH try to escape his responsibilities

Would you have 'decamped' if someone in your DH's work has developed chickenpox on a day he had been in a room with them?

I think what has happened is the right outcome - yes, the mum should have warned you so you could make informed decisions, but the DSC can't live their life in limbo/not see their dad because they might have chicken pox. You have done the right thing going somewhere else.

My 3 year old nephew caught chicken pox from his childminder's grandson (she thought DN had 'already had it'. Really? You've looked after him since he was ten months old, when had he had it?!?). DN gave it to 3 year old DD1, who gave it to 16-week-old DD2. I hoped DD2 wouldn't catch it because of breastfeeding and my so-called immunity, but she absolutely did and she was the illest of the three of them, she didn't know what to do with herself, she was absolutely covered in spots, some of which became infected, and she still has the scars, despite having been too young to be able to scratch them. I was absolutely furious. She's thirteen now, and it's still making me cross typing about it!!!

Do everything you can to stop your baby catching chicken pox. A child, out of nappies catching it is fine, a baby is not!

Why hasn’t your husband vaccinated his children against chicken pox?

Please don't use ableist slurs. Thank you.

Your husband in this scenario would be able to pass chicken pox onto the baby in the same way that his child could.

The article also says people with CP start being contagious 1-2 days before the rash appears. Usually at the time the infected person has a temperature.

It takes between 1-3 weeks for someone who caught CP to come down with it. Usually 10-14 days.

Even if it takes your DSC 7 days (the minimum) to come down with it, and he is contagious 2 days before, that means there is NO risk to your baby for 5 days. Even if we start from a few days before your DSC came to yours, that still means there’s no risk to your baby for 3 days. Not right now.

You might want to inform your relative who is a health visitor to brush up on the facts before they unnecessarily scare another new mother.

@DuchessDarty thanks that's interesting information but I'm still happy with my decision to leave, I'd be so worried waiting for the first spot even if it was unlikely, a few days away is worth not having the anxiety, especially having since read some horror stories

My breastfed 3 month old baby got CP really badly (from her older brother). She was really sick with it.
She didn't get any immunity from me because it turned out I hadn't had it!