Would you be annoyed

[tellyou]

DSC arrived today, I was in the bedroom with my 2 month old baby and DH told me that DSC had been exposed to chicken pox by their 4yo nephew who developed spots when they were visiting yesterday.
The DSC told my DH in the car on the way to ours, so exw never told DH but he phoned her to confirm it was true
DSC has never had CP so I've had to decamp to my sisters house with my baby for three nights to protect my baby, would you be annoyed?

Some of the replies seem really strange to me. We vaccinate for CP here and I don't actually know anyone whose DC have had it. If my DC had CP I would have called first and spoken to their father. Young baby or not just sending them off without a word isn't ok. Chicken pox can be really bad if caught for first time as an adult, so I'd want to check the adults were safe with it too. I feel for DSC especially if they wanted to see their little sibling and don't get to now. This should have all been worked out before DSC was in the car, not after.

@HumptyDumpty2022 are you?

Been a step mum for 8 years abs also raising my nephew. I treat them all the same as were a family.

I’d have been really angry at the ex for not letting us know. I don’t care if small
children are regularly exposed to illnesses or whatever. My view would be that my 2 month old did not need to be exposed to chickenpox via a nonresident half sibling who could come at a different time.

Yes I am!
I don’t believe you’re a step mum. You wouldn’t say the stuff you’ve come out with, step mum bingo bollocks.

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters he doesn't have it though, he's only been exposed to it.
If he actually had them that would be completely different.

Still no need for it really.

The OP has gone to her mum’s with the baby. She’s allowed to protect her tiny baby if that’s what she wants to do.

One of the best ways to create a problem
in a stepfamily is to prevent a mother from being able to protect their tiny baby and that the SC is the most important thing.

Telling you to move out seems ridiculous. It takes quite while between contact with an infectious person and developing the disease, and even if your sc does catch it they wouldn't be infectious during the 3 nights they were with you. Surely your hv relative should know this? www.cdc.gov/chickenpox/about/transmission.html

@HumptyDumpty2022

If the older child actually had chicken pox I could understand but he's only been exposed. He will be exposed to them, many, many times throughout childhood. You can't hide away from it unfortunately.
My eldest daughter was hospitalised so I know how bad it can be. My son was weeks old at the time and I was told I really didn't need to worry about him due to antibodies.
The OP is also breastfeeding so she is making the chances even smaller.

No the HV said they are most contagious before the spots develop

Blended families are incredibly tricky. This is just the start of it.

@SMabbutt exactly why I don't believe the health visitor said to move out.

I would be furious OP. People completely lose all common sense when it comes to step children, a tiny vulnerable baby should not be exposed to CP in a situation where it is totally avoidable

This happened with DSC but it was covid. Our baby was a month old, premature and we all obviously caught it. Baby ended back in hospital. Was awful and we were so cross.

I’d be pissed off that the mum sent the kids round with no heads up, yes.

They didn't suggest I moved out... I mentioned I come say at my sisters and they agreed that it was a good idea

Sorry can't type properly, said baby currently sleeping in my chest as she's not taken to the change of environment well

Maybe their mum didn’t want to give her ex warning in case he tried to avoid having their children because of it.

I'm sorry you are going through this, the last thing you need with a 4 week old baby! For all I know previous posters might be right and maybe babies are not likely to get it... but I would be very upset if my newborn was exposed to something like this with no thought or warning.

I hope you get some rest at your sister's

Heaven forbid he do the sensible thing!

@ClocksGoingBackwards yes I did wonder that myself

I've only really started to think about it tonight when I was getting annoyed that my baby wouldn't settle, I sort of sent my DH an implied text saying 'lucky you found out before it was too late' but he just replied, yeah it was a spot of luck, haha

We had similar. 2 month old, right in the bloody middle of the whole debacle. Kids had just gone back to school but you could do pretty much nothing else. At that point no one was vaccinated and you did not want to expose yourself or your baby to it.

SD was told to isolate because of a case in her school bubble. My arsehole of a husband decided that he was still going to have her round to the house (this was most definitely illegal at the time too, not a grey area). Him and his bloody hideous ex acted like I was being unreasonable for being very angry. I had to hide away with the baby (and get my ex to keep my DS so he wasn’t potentially exposed).

Tbh, this was one of the key events in the demise of our relationship. The moment when he so very obviously decided that a Wednesday overnight with his daughter was more important than our tiny baby’s health. He could have video called her. But no.

It wasn’t the only example of the ways in which he prioritised (and prioritises) his older children over our child, but it was possibly the most egregious. The relationship never recovered and to this day he refuses to accept he was quite simply just wrong. In fact, he just tries to make out that I’m mad and evil and such like. Still.

Maybe she should have recognised that the decent thing to would be to give him the choice.

Been in same situation but not with DSD mum or DSC. My sister didn't warn me that my niece had been in contact with someone who had Cp and DN hadn't had it.

Given the condition in which my DS was born and how poorly he was I was really cross. Even without his medical condition my consultant said keep him away from anyone with CP and I did indeed keep him away when my Dd eventually catch chicken pox and decamped at my mums.

I was furious. Luckily we could avoid it, but CP isn't the common cold for newborns.

This isn't a step parent issue so much is sometimes people are 🛎 ends with no regard for others.

If it helps op even with exposure my DS didn't catch it but I was Bf which I was told does help.

I’d be annoyed with the ex if I wasn’t given a heads up, yes.

I’d also possibly (not definitely) be annoyed with my DH if he brought the child back without phoning and DH’s using it with me first.

But I wouldn’t have decamped or been too concerned about my newborn because if breastfeeding (which I did both times) they’d have immunity from me. Also, no guarantee your DSC will contract it.

i think the ‘health visitor’ advice you received was unhelpful.