Sharing photos

[harryclr]

Does your partner share pictures of SC with ex? How do you feel about it?

I dont see the need for it, esp when its 50/50...

@ladydimitrescu well I'd leave my partner if I wasn't allowed to say how I felt about something. Barring topics of discussion is also pretty controlling don't you think?

In a healthy partnership the op would be able to explain how she felt without demanding it stops and her partner would be able to resssure her.

@harryclr I think there's something quite unhealthy about the mindset that sharing photos of SC with his mum takes away from you and your child is a bit unhealthy. Love isn't a finite resource that you're in competition with your SC for.

Would you feel better if your partner agreed to share any photos at the end of the day rather than live during the event? It might feel less intrusive and still allows your SD's mum to see special moments.

Why shouldn't parents share photos of their own child?

They are bonded for life

oh come on.

He’s bonded to his children for life. Absolutely.

To his ex? Nope. Sure the ex still exists and is part of the children’s lives. But no one is ‘bonded for life’ to an ex because of the children.

Actually, I think that comment is almost the perfect example of the sort of ‘first wives come first’ thinking that is SO problematic.

They’re not bonded for life. It matters not a jot that they shared creating a child before the OP was a part of his life, or went to scans. It doesn’t make the ex the most important woman in his life, or mean she now has any status in his life beyond someone he has to parent alongside.

as for the assumption that all families should be about mum and dad on ‘the top table’ and SP’s ‘just a guest’, that one really shows just how disingenuous all the ‘they are your family; you must treat them like your own’ stuff that is used to berate SMs on here. The cake an eating it model of stepfamilies. Sure, you can pay for everything and do the shit work because ‘family’ but don’t expect to be treated like you are part of the family in any way beyond that.

I’ll add that I most certainly do not consider my ex to be bonded to me for life because we had a child together. I can think of nothing worse.

We are both important parts of DS’s life and need to coordinate some things in relation to that. But beyond that… nope.

If DS gets married, I’d hope he chooses to arrange the day according to his actual family not the one-size fits all mould MN is so determined is The Way To Do Things.

I didn’t want weird wedding photos of my parents together because I know they have hated each other for decades. It’s not how my family works. Why would I want to stage a big pretence?

My sons stepmum sends me pictures of my son when she is looking after him while his dad works🤷‍♀️. My ex husband will also send me photos and videos of they’re funny. In return I will send his stepmum photos if my son is doing something at home she may have taught him (like how to bake cookies)

Very occasionally she will send me a message, thanks for Xmas card or such like, more recently her message simply read. “ teenagers can be assholes, he will grow out of it 😂” which I appreciated as mine is going through a phase and she has raised 3 of her own!

I wouldn’t say we all all best friends forever. We don’t socialise. 10 minute chats here and there at handovers.

OP I really can’t see what your issue is!

If sending pics makes the DC feel like life is fluid and joined up between their two homes and that they have one life rather than a life split in two then I think.
Things are very hostile between my partner and his ex and even they do this, albeit rarely. I think it’s a pleasure for DSD for us to be able to refer to a shared pic. Eg to compliment a piece of art or an achievement. Imagine how my DSD must feel a boost to know that one parent was proud and wanted to let the other parent know something good.
Being child centric, it’s a good thing and I can’t imagine how it detracts from your life with your shared children.

para 1 - I lost some text. I meant to say I think it’s a good thing!

harryclr - the problem is all yours.

Two people co parenting despite a short lived relationship and you are your DP have more children and have all moved on. You are unnecessarily jealous - it takes nothing away from you and your children.

The only issue here is you. From your update you think it's taking away from you and your child? You might as well just come out and wail 'why didn't you abandon your first child as it's taking attention of if meeeeeeee'

Would you rather they were at each other's throats? Actually probably because then you could say how horrible the mother is and that she's the reason he doesn't see his child not because you're an insecure and jealous woman who couldn't cope with him sending a picture of his child doing something that the mother had missed out on because 'she chose not to attend'. Is she working? Is she not attending because you're there glowing green?

Step-parents get a bad wrap on here and ones like you are the reason. Get a grip

I always imagined this is the way it would be and was fine with it, would happily had DH receive and share photos, even send myself if we were all amicable.

Then I met my DCS's mother. In our case not one photo has never been shared by either party. It's not always appropriate OP but completely depends on the set up. I know other split families who do this a lot.

*DSC

I think this is coming out of jealousy at not having your DP to yourself/your DCs because I genuinely can't see why there is an issue with this. It takes nothing away from you and your DCs at all, but does ensure an amicable co-parenting situation continues which can only be good for all concerned.

Btw, you've used the initials BM by which I'm assuming you mean 'birth mother'. You don't need to do this, the person you are talking about is their mother, it doesn't need a qualifier. The use of BM is hurtful/offensive to some people in the step context.

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim lol that would never happen

Says you now.

What may happen in the future between them and their child is for them to decide.

He has already shown that having a baby with someone doesn't cement a relationship.

Lol

I only use BM because everyone else does

Its pointless posting on here. I knew exactly what the reaction was going to be and a partly only posted it to see how long it would take before someone said unhelpful and ignorant comments.
Wasn't long!

I don't think it's true that one is necessarily "bonded for life" to the other parent of children, in the sense that it's not compulsory to be friends, or even friendly. You are connected for life, though, and if that relationship is cordial and cooperative, it's better for the children. Sharing photographs of the child doesn't mean that you still love the other parent, nor does it threaten or take anything away from the new partner and second family children. It's about the child, surely?

I think you do sound insecure and a bit childish, I'm afraid. His level of engagement with his child's mother, and the extent to which they communicate about the child is for him to determine, not you. I wouldn't stay with a partner who felt entitled to put restrictions on something like that. He isn't sexting her, fgs.

I very much doubt you'll admit it OP, but I hope the comments here have resonated with you anyway. You've had your arse handed to you for a reason and it's not because other people are ignorant.

I am usually very vocally pro SM. But you issue is laughable. They have a child together. And he sends her pictures of their child.

Is his dick in any of them? How are you even inserting yourself into this matter?

It is because your post is odd.

Your partner and his ex sharing photos of their joint child takes nothing away from you. In fact it adds to both his children's experience.

If your SS's mother has a flood or whatever, then his dad will have a copy of all photos of him. Your own child(ren) can also see that their older brother has a happy full life when he's not with them.

While my DP and his ex don't communicate so won't share photos with each other, my own parents and step-mother would have done if mobile phones were around at the time. This is because they wanted their mixture of children to have good relationships with one another if and when they dropped dead. (They are dead and we do get on.)

So you don’t think they should sit together at their child’s wedding?

are you prepared not to sit on the top table if you and him split up on future?