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Am I being over sensitive
96

Bunnies53 · 16/06/2022 01:11

Partner if two years has a daughter. We go away regularly camping. I have a daughter too who occasionally comes.
before we got together my partner and his daughter went away by themselves. Since we got together they haven’t.

I give them time on their own both while we are away and at home. We don’t live together. He has just announced that his daughter misses them being alone together so they are going away for the weekend by themselves.

I feel shut out.
thoughts?

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Didkdt · 16/06/2022 01:22

Let them go.

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MintJulia · 16/06/2022 01:35

So your dsd wants some time alone with her dad. There's nothing wrong with that.

Haven't you ever wanted mum & daughter time with your DD? Haven't you ever wanted a weekend away, just you and your partner, without the dcs? It's normal.

Take the opportunity to be self indulgent - go shopping, get together with your friends, or have a weekend of pampering. I wander round the V&A and then eat at a favourite seafood restaurant (both things my ds dislikes) 🙂

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RhiRhi1996 · 16/06/2022 01:39

I think it's completely understandable that she misses time alone with her father. Perhaps she prefers camping when it was just them too. Or maybe its just a one off/once in a while thing. It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you. It likely isn't personal. And has nothing to do with you at all. She just wants one on one time to bond with her dad.

Wouldn't you be annoyed if you never got alone time with your daughter, or partner , always someone else there? It's normal to want to spend time with people together and alone.

I think you're being overly sensitive

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Bunnies53 · 16/06/2022 02:02

Did no one read the bit where I clarified that I give them their time alone?!

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fontime · 16/06/2022 02:05

Were you invited then told not to come? If yes I might be a bit put out. But otherwise I'd say let them enjoy some quality time together. Dh and I do stuff as a family but sometimes I will go away with my dd (his dsc) just us a nd have quality time together.

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MintJulia · 16/06/2022 02:13

No, but obviously they need more alone time. They need to go on a trip together, by themselves. It's a different dynamic, DSD gets to navigate, or be the organiser, or plan the meals.

Just let them go.

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TwoBulletsFiveZombies · 16/06/2022 02:19

I'd pay good money to get rid of my lot for the weekend, let them go and you enjoy the peace!

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Sunnytwobridges · 16/06/2022 02:25

TwoBulletsFiveZombies · 16/06/2022 02:19

I'd pay good money to get rid of my lot for the weekend, let them go and you enjoy the peace!

Exactly this 😂

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coffy11 · 16/06/2022 02:34

That's perfectly normal, they should be able to have father daughter time.

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SD1978 · 16/06/2022 02:35

You give them time alone? But you're still there and the time is on your terms....she wants to go away with just her dad- not spend time on your terms.....

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 03:23

I would like to think he’d rather you feel ‘shut out’ than his daughter. You have a daughter, have some heart.

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rea2022x · 16/06/2022 03:36

TwoBulletsFiveZombies · 16/06/2022 02:19

I'd pay good money to get rid of my lot for the weekend, let them go and you enjoy the peace!

Hahaha! 🙌

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Player001 · 16/06/2022 04:05

Yes, I think you are being oversensitive on this one. I too am a stepmum so understand the minefield you are in.

His DD misses their camping trips together and he is being a good dad by not saying 'well your stepmum has to do everything with us now so too bad' thus damaging their relationship.

Surely there are things that just you and your DD like to do together?

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 04:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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CrossStichQueen · 16/06/2022 04:47

I don’t think this is a positive, suitable or safe set-up for this little girl at all. Damage beyond repair.

Eh?

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 16/06/2022 05:03

He's being a good Dad. Going away on their own is a different dynamic. It's not about you, it's about his DD wanting to have that experience again of them away on their own. Would you put your DD off and say you couldn't go away with her on your own because partner might feel left out?

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Bunnies53 · 16/06/2022 05:22

At no point did I suggest I would stop them going. Far from it.
I have what I feel is a good relationship with his daughter. I guess it’s a reminder that she isn’t mine. But I thought I was doing enough to make sure she was comfortable by taking a back seat so to speak already. So this feels like I am not , that’s all.

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 05:22

Eh what?

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 05:23

Is it a camping trip that was originally booked without the little girl?

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Bunnies53 · 16/06/2022 05:24

We do all have our alone time already… just not full weekends before now.

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 05:25

Back seat - more like major driving force in alienating his children

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Disisit · 16/06/2022 05:27

Does he have his children much in the holidays then? What’s the arrangement? Or have u managed to sack them off yet?

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BaaCake · 16/06/2022 05:28

I feel this is fair enough tbh. They can do this together, you can do the same with your daughter, you can do the same all four of you. I think that part of the secret of this stepmumming malarkey is accepting that there will be times you are a bit of an outsider in their unit and just letting that go. As long as its not all the time it's fine. Especially if you've only been with him 2 years thats not a lot of time to have all found your spaces in the new unit. Don't take it personally.

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RockinHorseShit · 16/06/2022 05:28

YABVU not to see it as a break & either enjoy me time, or alone time with your own DD. It doesn't mean you are not appreciated, just the girl wants her dad to herself once in a while, which is perfectly reasonable

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NeedAHoliday2021 · 16/06/2022 05:30

My df just took dd3 camping one weekend then dd2 the following weekend having previously taken dd1. That’s a grandad having one to one time with his grand daughters. I thought it was lovely and really special. I wouldn’t have a issue if dh asked to spend a weekend with one Dd, it’s a nice thing so I don’t understand your reaction at all.

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