Am I being over sensitive

[Bunnies53]

Partner if two years has a daughter. We go away regularly camping. I have a daughter too who occasionally comes.
before we got together my partner and his daughter went away by themselves. Since we got together they haven’t.

I give them time on their own both while we are away and at home. We don’t live together. He has just announced that his daughter misses them being alone together so they are going away for the weekend by themselves.

I feel shut out.
thoughts?

You're saying you're okay with them having alone time but upset that they want alone time???

Yes you are being over sensitive.
They both want a weekend camping together does not equate to them wanting to exclude you.
Put the child in the centre of this decision, not the adults.

@Bunnies53 - can I ask whose idea the combined camping trips were to start with? I promise I'm not trying to catch you out & that I will try to give constructive advice based on your answer.

I too have been in your position so you have my sympathy. I also have dc who have a sm.

Yes you’re being over sensitive. How did you cope with time by yourself before you met him?

It’s not up to you to let them do things, you don’t even live together.

Carry on like this and you’ll push him away.

It’s a big thing them going away together, I actively encourage it with my DH to let him get away on his own with the kids (and a couple of times with his ex and kids a graduation I couldn’t go to ). Him and the kids love a shopping day or concerts and where we live that means a night away.

I suppose the difference is that I also go away with them too.

so maybe suggest and book something for the 4 of you?

I think it’s ok to feel hurt but the grown up thing is to wish them well and listen to the stories afterwards.

You don’t even live together so why do you think you are owed time with them every weekend? You are not a blended family, you are his girlfriend who doesn’t live with him, and he and his daughter want a weekend on their own together.

Would you be like this if he went away with a friend for the weekend? I think you need to back right off and start planning your own activities at weekends sometimes, so that he doesn’t have to ask you to give them alone time together.

I'm a little confused here as to whether the 'children' ARE children - or adults!

OP, do you prioritise your daughter over your partner? At 2 years you are at a bit of a significant juncture in the relationship. I can see that you may be asking yourself where it's all going. As relationships grow, the priorities do change slowly. In a healthy relationship, you do your best to meet the essential needs and take turns over wants. Are you afraid of the daughter and are worrying that she is trying to put a stop to his relationship with you?

I can’t understand why you have a problem with this - you’re not her stepmum you’re her dads girlfriend. Surely he can have some weekends to himself to do what he wants, with his DD or otherwise?

YABU and trying to deny a child some time with her Dad. It's not about you. I presume you get to do stuff with your partner without his DD involved? I think he's being a good Dad taking her camping. It's sad that it stopped once you got together.

She'll want to do stuff with mates soon enough - let him enjoy her being young & wanting to spend time with him.

Their alone time isn't yours to give.

It's a single weekend and doesn't reflect on your position with your partner or his daughter.

It's hard to relax in the same way as it is with just your parent. She wants a weekend with her dad where there is no formality, no best behaviour etc, just what the they used to have on their trips.

If you don't live together do you think this might be partly insecurity on your part about the future and if you'll move in together?

And how old is she? I'm assuming child. What is the arrangement is it every other weekend?

I think because you don’t live together, you’re being a bit unreasonable. You should go away with your daughter and share some quality time with her.
And a teeny immature bit of me would be thinking, “See how you like that. 🙂”.

YABU she wants time with her dad that doesn't say anything about her relationship or thoughts on you and you shouldn't take it that way. Give them their time.

before we got together my partner and his daughter went away by themselves. Since we got together they haven’t.

This says it all. Surely?

Since you arrived on the scene, things aren’t as good for her.

before we got together my partner and his daughter went away by themselves. Since we got together they haven’t.

And how do you feel about that?

If a boyfriend who didn’t live with me got the hump because I went away with my children alone he’d be an ex boyfriend.

Spot on.

My DD doesn't speak to her dad anymore because he never did anything alone with her once he got a new girlfriend, DD begged him but his GF got pissy, felt threatened and wouldn't allow it, her dad was a spineless idiot who prioritized his dick over his daughter. It didn't end well for him.

Don't see it as a slight on you, it's all about the girl wanting a relationship with her dad that doesn't always involve other people, giving them space is not the same as spending a whole uninterrupted weekend with her dad.

giving them space is not the same as spending a whole uninterrupted weekend with her dad

Hmmm, has the Op ever had a whole uninterrupted weekend with the DP? If not, by the 2 yr point, it might be starting to prey on her mind.

Honestly I'd just take this opportunity to have time alone with my own daughter for the weekend (or by yourself if she's at her dad's).

I really can't get worked up about things like this and I actually love it when my Dh takes DSC out by themselves and doesn't invite me. It's time to either spend with my DC or by myself which is rare.

I have never understood why people start relationships with partners who have children from other relationships if they have such a jealousy issue with it. It's not healthy for anybody and completely unfair on the children.

Speaking from experience, I agree 100%.

OP as others have said, you've been quick to argue that you give DP and his DD alone time, yet you're saying you feel shut out at the thought or them spending one weekend together. I suspect the alone time you allow them perhaps isn't sufficient enough and DD is craving some quality time with her dad, which she is absolutely entitled to.

You are being overly sensitive and without wanting to project too much, you need to address whatever jealousy or insecurity is leading you to feel this way, otherwise this will impact your relationship with DP, his DD or both.

She's your partners daughter, not yours, and not your competition.

I think it's fine, as long as you guys get a amount of time alone together also or perhaps plan your own kids free weekend?

My DH is going away on a boys camping trip next month I was not invited nor wanting to go!

I decided I would have one day doing some nice with his daughter as she lives here and then plan a day/ night with my friends.

Do you actually want to go on this trip or is it the fact you've not been asked?

Maybe because people don't have crystal balls so can't predict how they will feel ...

I think it's normal to feeel disappointed / upset if you were looking forward to doing something or had assumed that you were invited to do something but then found out you weren't.

However, your DSD has requested some alone time with her dad which indicates that perhaps you don't give them as much space for this as you think. I think it's good that her dad is respecting this and you aren't kicking up a fuss but you are allowed to feel disappointed/upset.