Step grandchildren and wills

[Mellowyellow222]

Just looking for a sanity check.

my did is executor of his sisters will. She recently updated it following her husbands death(well a couple of years ago - but she can only now face it).

she has decided to leave all her investments and cash to her three grandchildren and her home split evenly between her two children.

her daughter ‘Jill’ has two children and her son ‘Paul ’ has one.

Paul remarried about two years ago and now has three step children.

mu aunt has told Paul about the will and he became very angry that his step children were excluded. His wife has said as she and her children are not considered family she will not engage with my aunt anymore.

my aunt has met one of the three children (who is an adult) once and the younger two three times. She sees her grandchildren every week. It’s bonkers that she is expected to consider them her grandchildren.

I have told my aunt and my dad to not worry as step children have no legal rights unless they have been adopted - which is now impossible for one and unlikely for the 17 and 16 year olds.

but are we all off base here? Do those of you who have step children who you ‘acquired’ in their teens expect your parents to consider them as grandchildren.

my aunt is kind to them - sends Christmas and birthday presents etc. But there is no relationship there. They don’t think of her as their granny.

@JustLyra

It stops questions after you die and (should) save the executor from being the one that has to break controversial news.

Fair enough. Which is why I'm glad my solicitor is also my executor. 🌹

@caringcarer that's lovely & nice to hear. You mil has taken one stance and the aunt in question has taken another. The point in all this being that what one chooses to do with inheritance is an individual choice.

It’s also not simply a stance - it’s a reflection of the relationship.

The woman in this scenario has never even met some of these people. They are not family in any sense at all - beyond related by marriage to someone she’s related to - because there’s no relationship. And no indication that anyone is bothered by that. No. It’s just that these children’s mother is unhappy that they don’t get left money in a will.

That’s not a good reflection on her tbh.

@SoggyPaper I agree.

I know people who have left money to friends children who they had a good relationship with.

The aunt can always divide Paul's inheritance 4 ways!!

It depends on the context. My children are my stepdad’s only grandchildren, and he treats them as such. His mum (my step grandmother) definitely won’t leave me anything in her will but we just don’t have that sort of relationship. Also step / biological relationships are a bit irrelevant when it comes to wills - as it is entirely up to the person whose estate it is what they do with it and no one is entitled to anything!

This is ridiculous! I'm just about to get married, my partner has 3 children and I have 3 children. There is no way I would expect my partner's parents to consider my children in their will and my parents to do the same with my partner's children. Each child (ren) has their own grandparents, leave it at that.

The main issue here is how Paul treats his daughter. It makes sense that her grandmother wants to look out for her.

I think my DSM is leaving some money to my younger DSCs, but not to the older two. They were all technically adult when DH and I met, but the older ones never lived with us. Also the younger ones have been quite useful to her with tech etc.

I don't have my own children, but my siblings all do. So I think this is her way of levelling things up.

She should ask if the wife’s parents are leaving it all to the dc equally. He will get it around it by saying most people don’t leave it to the grandchildren, they leave it to their own children. Whereby she says firmly MOST people darling, don’t have children who have tried to get out of paying child maintenance to support their own child.

Sounds like Aunty - is a savvy old bird and knows exactly what Paul will do and is protecting her GC

I think we can all see what the delight will do - split the house with this SCs and exclude his own DD because she got before.

Class act your cousin!

I added 'step-grandchildren' to the family when I married my husband. My in-laws couldn't have been more inviting to my children. When they were children presents were the same as their blood related grandchildren. Now they are adults they show interest in them but are more engaged with my daughter because she's the one who keeps in touch. I have no expectations they will leave them any money beyond a token amount and they have known them 20 years. This is fair. Why should I expect more?

I’m a step child and step parent.

I’d NEVER expect my step mums parents to put me in their will. Nor would I expect my step mum and dad to be angry at them for that and in fact I’d I knew about it I’d go crazy at my dad and step mum.

Your aunts hard earned money she can spend it how she sees fit as far as I’m concerned. Too many people are hung up on inheritance where I feel they should enjoy their money before they’re unable to.

The bottomline is, your aunt can leave her possessions to whomever she wants! There are people in my 'blood family' that I wouldn't want at my funeral, let alone included in my will. Adult step children who don't even know her name? No way, they have their own aunts to hassle! You're right, it's pure greed, nothing more.