Step grandchildren and wills

[Mellowyellow222]

Just looking for a sanity check.

my did is executor of his sisters will. She recently updated it following her husbands death(well a couple of years ago - but she can only now face it).

she has decided to leave all her investments and cash to her three grandchildren and her home split evenly between her two children.

her daughter ‘Jill’ has two children and her son ‘Paul ’ has one.

Paul remarried about two years ago and now has three step children.

mu aunt has told Paul about the will and he became very angry that his step children were excluded. His wife has said as she and her children are not considered family she will not engage with my aunt anymore.

my aunt has met one of the three children (who is an adult) once and the younger two three times. She sees her grandchildren every week. It’s bonkers that she is expected to consider them her grandchildren.

I have told my aunt and my dad to not worry as step children have no legal rights unless they have been adopted - which is now impossible for one and unlikely for the 17 and 16 year olds.

but are we all off base here? Do those of you who have step children who you ‘acquired’ in their teens expect your parents to consider them as grandchildren.

my aunt is kind to them - sends Christmas and birthday presents etc. But there is no relationship there. They don’t think of her as their granny.

I don’t think my aunt would do this.

she doesn’t want these three to be mentioned in her will. She doesn’t know them and one has never even lived with Paul. Although I agree in these circumstances Paul wouldn’t think of the three as ‘his children’. Depending on how strong his marriage is at that time his wife might agree of disagree!!

My aunt wants to know now that PAul’s daughter gets a set inheritance, and is treated the same as her two grandsons (Jill’s boys).

Aunt should leave all of Paul’s half of the house to Paul’s daughter and cut Paul, his grabby wife and unknown step kids out entirely.

I honestly think it depends on the set up of the family and how close/age of children etc.

For us my uncle has two step-sons (who have a very involved father as well) but they have always treated equal in our family they been in our lives since we all very young (some 35years+) and seen as our cousins by us all regardless of the word step. My other aunt has remarried with two step children none of us have really met them (marriage has been around 15 years) it’s very strange as we have little to nothing to do with them as does my Nan (she met them 3 times only at weddings) yet my aunt expects them to be treated equally- we all find that odd as they wouldn’t even speak to me if the passed me in the street.
it’s difficult as yes I think step children should be considered but not in all circumstances. (I don’t even refer to my uncles as his step children in real life as none of see them as that)

If Paul and is wife feel so strongly Paul should give his share to the stepchildren. Or aunt should do this and explain to Paul why.

I think your Aunt is being very prudent to make sure her granddaughter inherits directly, as it doesn't sound like your cousin will have her best interests in mind, may well not bother with a will and end up leaving everything to his wife who can then leave nothing to his daughter. We hear it happening plenty on here.

She should tell him that if he wants his step children to have some money he can give it to them out of his share.

No, others were named and will was recent so definitely the intention. A solicitor was executor and I wondered the same so I requested a copy of the will online (out of interest- definitely not to contest!) and saw it in black and white.

Your post about homme if a deadbeat now explains it. But if Paul is being left a share on his mums house then he can distribute that how he sees for surely? And include his SDC if he wants to.

This is so sad.

and awful of people to leave these bombshells until after they are gone.

there Was a series many years ago on bbc about wills. They always advised to discuss it while you are alive so as not leave any arguments and hurt.

there was a dreadful one about a farming family and the brothers wanted their sister cut out of the will. The dad, and their girlfriends all agreed she should get nothing. The mum was devastated. They resolved it eventually with the sister inheriting from the mum - but was painful to watch.

must look it up again.

of course he can - when it’s his money.

my aunt just wants to be sure her granddaughter sees part of the money.

Paul’s marriage might last, it might not. There have been many relationships and engagements over the years and this is his third wife.

who knows who will inherit from him when the time comes - and indeed if there will be much left. I wouldn’t bet my house that the three step children will see any of Paul’s money.

Of course he can! But that's once it's his. What he is doing is sulking about his DSC not having extra.

My children have only met, my partners mum and dad twice. They have no interest in her and the same can be said for his parents, they don't leave the house are older and have never set foot in our house.
It would not occur to me that they would ever be left anything, even though my partner is a loving step dad.
Paul can leave his share if there is a share for him to his step kids, he is a CF.
I hope his behaviour shows your aunt that she is doing the right thing.

Paul sounds like an ungracious oaf who shouldn't be pandered to.
I always wonder what on earth people are thinking when they announce the content of wills in advance, though? What good can come of it?

I remember that series OP. I think the girl was given a house but her brothers all thought she should get nothing. There was another episode where a couple wanted to do an unequal split amongst 4-5 dds, but it sort of made sense when they explained it as the older girls had had wedding contributions and childcare that the younger one may not be old enough to get. It was still a bit odd.

I think the only way your aunt could include Paul’s dsc is by leaving all 6 equal amounts, and making sure Jill doesn’t lose out because of it, ie, it comes from Paul’s share, but it is ridiculous given she has only met one of them once, at his mothers wedding so I wouldn’t want to do that either. Paul is getting a whacking inheritance and could easily give some to his dsc. It’s interesting that he still wants his half of the house, but expects the 3 gc to half what that are getting. He basically wants Jill’s dcs inheritance to go to people they don’t even know. I think she should just keep it as it is and tell Paul that he is free to gift some of his to his dsc. Sadly I think it’s pretty likely that Jill’s boys will inherit from her in the future but Paul’s will go to his wife and then his dsc so his dd won’t be getting the same as Jill’s boys. She can’t really legislate for that unless she drastically increases Paul’s dds share though, which doesn’t feel fair either.

Your aunt sounds very sensible, and seems to have the measure of Paul.

Your dad will just need to be firm with Paul, if Paul creates.

A raised eyebrow at the most propitious time should do it.

@SimpleShootingWeekend i now really want to watch it again. I remember a show down in a pub? The mum left in tears and the brothers were just awful.

I found it!! Can’t take it with you. Ten years ago - what memories we have!!

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00y4x9c

OP it's about relationships.

If the children who are teen and older can't be bothered to have a one-to-one relationship with adult relations shouldn't automatically inherit.

I was looking at inheritance planning, and it is often more prudent to leave money to your grandchildren and not your children.

So if a relation decides to leave Paul out and leave it to his children they are biological related to and/or have a relationship with I wouldn't blame them.

YANBU.

I got a stepmother when I was 5 - my own mother was dead and my step grandparents and the whole family adopted me and treated me as their child - my grandma actually made me executor of her will and my 2 half siblings and I all agree I was absolutely grandad's favourite.

But I'm now in a relationship with a man who has a 19 y old. Neither of us expect that his son will have anything but a perfunctory relationship with my parents and will not be left anything by me, let alone my parents. We have separate finances and savings and a joint account for joint expenses. We do own a house together, but my share goes to my kids and his share goes to his son (with a life interest for both of us)

This is definitely about relationships rather than biology. Paul and Jill are adopted so strictly speaking none of the six children are biologically linked to my aunt - but three are her grandchildren and three very clearly aren’t.

and again it’s not about the three new step kids not bothering with her, or being rude. She is a stranger to them, only related by marriage very recently. She isn’t criticise them or punishing them for something - she just doesn’t know them.

I would be interested if the new wife’s parents are including pula daughter in their will. I doubt it. They didn’t come to the wedding.

But in the scenario you've described, my answer would be to leave them something, be it an item or small amount of money, so that they're included

Why on earth do they need to be included in the will of a woman they barely know?

If I never hear the words 'be included' when referring to step kids again I'll be happy.

your aunt is NBU and your cousin is a twat. I'd be tempted to leave all of his share to his daughter tbh.

I won't be leaving anything to my own step children, never mind expecting my mother to leave anything to them. I can't believe how many posters are expecting that they get 'a little something' in order that things are not unfair. No one should expect to inherit anything. And the stepkids probably don't expect it to be fair, it's just someone's bonkers idea that things need to be equal.

I'm in a similar situation to your aunt. I've left everything between my two adult children . When their time comes, they can leave their own estates to their children , step children, etc as they like.

Like your aunt, my son's step children have little / nothing to do with me. Just a polite "hello" if they see me at a family function but nothing else. I first met them when they were teenagers , I hardly know them .There is no way on earth that I'd leave them a chunk of my hard-earned money .

Your aunt should think about leaving her estate between her actual children, and they can do what they like with their money when they make their own wills.

Your aunt should think about leaving her estate between her actual children, and they can do what they like with their money when they make their own wills.

my aunt worries in this scenario Paul’s daughter gets very little if anything. My aunts money gets left to the new wife and then her three children.

Given how Paul has been responded, I’d say she might be right in worrying about this.

ExHs Grandmother skipped her children and split her estate between her three grandchildren. ExH and his brother were adults, their cousin a child.

Uncle hit the roof - he’s an arsehole, a gambler, an entitled shitbag who tried VERY hard to get his hands on the 100K that was left to his 12 year old.

His behaviour was evidence of exactly why his mother had left it directly to his daughter. He has pissed away hundreds of thousands over the years.

Fortunately, it’s ring fenced, water tight and being looked after by a solicitor until the cousin is 25.

She is being perfectly fair in these circumstances. These step children have their own relatives to leave them money.

I would feel differently if there was a close relationship built up over time but that's not the case here.