Step grandchildren and wills

[Mellowyellow222]

Just looking for a sanity check.

my did is executor of his sisters will. She recently updated it following her husbands death(well a couple of years ago - but she can only now face it).

she has decided to leave all her investments and cash to her three grandchildren and her home split evenly between her two children.

her daughter ‘Jill’ has two children and her son ‘Paul ’ has one.

Paul remarried about two years ago and now has three step children.

mu aunt has told Paul about the will and he became very angry that his step children were excluded. His wife has said as she and her children are not considered family she will not engage with my aunt anymore.

my aunt has met one of the three children (who is an adult) once and the younger two three times. She sees her grandchildren every week. It’s bonkers that she is expected to consider them her grandchildren.

I have told my aunt and my dad to not worry as step children have no legal rights unless they have been adopted - which is now impossible for one and unlikely for the 17 and 16 year olds.

but are we all off base here? Do those of you who have step children who you ‘acquired’ in their teens expect your parents to consider them as grandchildren.

my aunt is kind to them - sends Christmas and birthday presents etc. But there is no relationship there. They don’t think of her as their granny.

Sorry that was longer than I intended!!

No. Yanbu.

It goes two ways, doesn’t it. Do any of the 3 step grand children pay any attention to your aunt?

YANBU

They have a family of their own to inherit from, the wife is being greedy.

YANBU, she is being entitled.

There's no right or wrong answer here and your aunt is absolutely entitled to put what she wants in her will.

However, I suppose the "norm" is to leave your money divided equally between your children. And then Paul would have the choice whether to leave to his SDC (some step parents do, some don't) rather than have that choice (or rather some of it - depending on how much the house is worth compared to the money) made by Paul's mum.

Maybe Paul is also upset that his side of the family is getting less than his sibling, because he has one child rather than two? I think a lot of people would find that upsetting.

As I say, it's up to your aunt, but I can see Paul's point of view to so

God no why on earth would your aunt leave her money to three (practically grown) people she doesn't know. They may be in her extended family but they're not her grandchildren. My stepdads mum didn't leave me anything, I'd never have expected her to and we got along really well xx

YANBU

I doubt the 20 year old remembers what she looks like or knows her name. They met once at his mums wedding!

the two teenagers have met her three times. They were as interested as you expect teens to be meeting an older lady! They were polite enough. They live a few hours away and don’t come to visit her when their mum and step dad visit (which isn’t often)- and aren’t home any time my aunt visits (probably deliberately, but who can blame them at their age).

his daughter lives close by and often stays with her gran. They are close.

YANBU.

I think it's best in "tricky" situations to simply leave it all to the children and let them decide what they do with their share. That's what my parents did.

Do the step grandchildren treat her like a grandmother? Would they take care of her if she needs it when she's old? Do they ever call her to see how she is?

My half brothers were left a vast amount by their Grandparents. Didn’t even occur to me that I should have been included! Grim.

My Grandparents aren’t including my step siblings in their will. They’ve got their own Grandparents, who don’t have a pot to piss in, and that’s not my Grandparents problem to solve. Not to mention the fact that my step siblings were late teens when their Mum and my Dad started dating.

There is really no relationship. She sends Christmas and birthday gifts (I assume cash in a card). They don’t reciprocate- but she doesn’t really expect them to.

They have never been to her home and I doubt would know her phone number.

This isn’t a criticism of them - I think this is pretty normal for teens. They won’t automatically call her new husbands mum granny and visit every Sunday!

My parents are doing that too.

My dad thinks she is doing it this way to ensure her granddaughter (Paul’s daughter) gets an inheritance from the family.

he has been a bit of a deadbeat dad with child support and visits. Her worry was her son dies, leaves it all to the new wife and her granddaughter sees none of it.

Another one saying yanbu.

My dad thinks she is doing it this way to ensure her granddaughter (Paul’s daughter) gets an inheritance from the family.
he has been a bit of a deadbeat dad with child support and visits
Deadbeat Dad to his own daughter, and trying to muscle his step kids in on the action?
What a peach.

a bit stingy in child support - always arguing and complaining. Made it out like he was been ripped off. You can tell I don’t like him (my cousin😳).

and not really present - every other Saturday and nothing more. Moved away and complains about travelling. We all know the type.

Wills should reflect the relationships the deceased had in life. If she barely knows these kids, there is no reason the relationship would or should be elevated in life.
My mum has included DSD in her will, but only to the extent of leaving her some jewellery with her blessing to remodel or reuse the diamonds or whatever. She likes DSD, always happy to see her whenever their paths cross. But in no way is DSD equal to mum's actual grandchildren, or mum equal to DSDs actual grandmothers.
No reason at all for any upset.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to ' should step children get the same as biological' when it comes to extended family. It would depend on their ages at the time of joining the families, how much they interact with that family member etc. But in the scenario you've described, my answer would be to leave them something, be it an item or small amount of money, so that they're included, but not as much as biological grandkids. That's just my opinion though and as pp have said, she's entitled to divide up her money and possessions, as she pleases.

Your aunt is NBU. I hope she has named her grandchildren in the will to avoid an argument later.
Paul's stepchildren could inherit from their grandparents, whom I assume won't be leaving money to his daughter.

It depends on the relationship - my step grandmother I’ve known for ten years but wouldn’t expect anything at all as we don’t really have a relationship. My daughter’s step grandmother has known her since birth and only ever been treated as her grandmother.

Yanbu

I think the cash for Christmas and birthdays is all my aunt will do.

and anything short of a equal split between the six ‘children, will still cause my cousin and his wife angst.

it annoys me (and I know - none of my business) because this is purely about money. The step kids don’t care about how my aunt feels about them. She is a stranger
to them.

I just know If my dad is still executor he will have a big row on his hands.

I might suggest my aunt nominates the solicitor instead. I don’t know how much cash we are taking about - but I suspect six figures each of split three ways. The house is probably close to a million.

Your cousin is a complete dick.

My DCs are the only ones in my DHs family to call his step-mum Grannie, she has always been in their life, been very good to them and they love her, but it has never crossed my mind that she would ever consider them in her will at all, she has her own children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to think about.

As executor he can ask the solicitor to help him. I think in situations like this it's best not to tell any one the contents of the will.