Step grandchildren and wills

[Mellowyellow222]

Just looking for a sanity check.

my did is executor of his sisters will. She recently updated it following her husbands death(well a couple of years ago - but she can only now face it).

she has decided to leave all her investments and cash to her three grandchildren and her home split evenly between her two children.

her daughter ‘Jill’ has two children and her son ‘Paul ’ has one.

Paul remarried about two years ago and now has three step children.

mu aunt has told Paul about the will and he became very angry that his step children were excluded. His wife has said as she and her children are not considered family she will not engage with my aunt anymore.

my aunt has met one of the three children (who is an adult) once and the younger two three times. She sees her grandchildren every week. It’s bonkers that she is expected to consider them her grandchildren.

I have told my aunt and my dad to not worry as step children have no legal rights unless they have been adopted - which is now impossible for one and unlikely for the 17 and 16 year olds.

but are we all off base here? Do those of you who have step children who you ‘acquired’ in their teens expect your parents to consider them as grandchildren.

my aunt is kind to them - sends Christmas and birthday presents etc. But there is no relationship there. They don’t think of her as their granny.

What big row? There's nothing he can do and nothing they can do.
It's a good idea - makes sure the grand-daughter gets the money directly rather than it all going to new wife then on to her kids.

She told both children so my dad wouldn’t be left with the row. But he will anyway.

I need to check how the money for the grandchildren will be managed. I wouldn’t put it passed Paul to try and split his daughter’s inheritance four ways!!

he is awful and from what I have heard he and the new wife are well suited!

If I was Paul’s mum I would be telling him not to worry I had rethought and was changing my will after hearing what he had said.
I would then be changing my will and leaving his half of the house to be shared equally between him and his dc.

In this situation, no, your aunt is being perfectly reasonable not to consider her son's adult & teenage step kids as beneficiaries. They'll presumably have two sets of grandparents of their own?

My parents made their will to leave the bulk of everything to me & my brother, with significant bequests to my 3dc & my nephew, but nothing to dniece, my brother's stepdaughter.

They consulted me about this & I said I thought it wasn't fair at all. My brother's dsd has been raised by him from a quite small child. Her actual dad isn't in the picture much. There'll be no inheritance from that side. My brother considers his dsd to be as much his child as his ds.

So I made it clear that if they were ringfencing a bequest to the grandchildren, I would be much happier to see it go 5 ways - my 3dc, dstepneice & dnephew.

I'd much rather my dc got 20% of whatever my parents are planning, than 25% & their absolutely lovely cousin got a virtual slap in the face from my parents, who are her grandparents as far as she's ever known, because my parents are frankly, a bit 'oh but she does have another family...'.

They took it on board. They weren't intentionally excluding her, I think. Just never warmed to dsil & vaguely assumed that being absentmindedly kind to her dd from a previous marriage was all that was required, & have never quite seen the poor kid as a 'real' dgc.

This, however, is not that.

If I remarried & acquired adult or teenage dsc who had no real relationship with my parents - of course I would not expect them to be included.

Obviously, your aunt can do what she likes. She can leave the lot to Cats' Rescue & good luck to her. Paul, however, is a knob.

😂 I love this!

He can't. He could try and guilt his daughter into splitting it but that would be a truly vile thing to do. Stepchildren have to be specifically mentioned in a will. They do not come under grandchildren.

Well it's a fair point. He's such a money grabbing CF.

YANBU- they are adults and there's no long term relationship.

I say that as someone who opened the thread in a different mindset. I'm 35. My mum and dad met when I was 18 months old. No contact with bio dad or family ever. My grandmother (dad's mum) died last year, I did a twice weekly visit to cook her dinner for 6 months, and a pot of money was split between the grandchildren- I have 4 cousins and a brother who all received £2k each. I got nothing. I was and still am devastated. It wasn't the money- I don't need it. It was that I realised after 30+ years my Nan didn't see me in the same way I saw her.

YANBU if people are nice to the step kids that's great. But they don't have to treat them exactly like family. As someone said it goes both ways. If one SDC went particularly out of their way to see the aunt lots that may be different but if not no.

I won't expect any of DPs family to include my DC in any inheritance, and I don't expect my family to include his in theirs.

if he chooses to no longer see his mother, that’s his choice, but if he did this and I was his mum, I think I’d be leaving him out of the will altogether and leave his half of the house to his daughter!

You are also spot on with making sure his daughters inheritance is protected while she is still a minor. It might be worth putting it in a trust until she turns 21 - at 18, I think she will still be vulnerable to his manipulation.

I would make sure Paul's daughter is named specifically in the will. How old is she? Is there a chance her gran will die when she's underage?

In this situation, no, your aunt is being perfectly reasonable not to consider her son's adult & teenage step kids as beneficiaries.

^This. Paul is ridiculous and grabby

No, I don’t expect DS to be considered the same by MIL as my step-children are. However, this is reflected in my will. DH and I have trust wills (I think they’re called) In essence, we each ‘own’ half of the joint estate. Whoever goes first leaves the other their bit and the remaining person can stay in the house. I’ve then left my 50% purely to DS. My husband has left his 50% to be shared between his two children. It’s been done this way because my DS isn’t inheriting from anyone else whereas the step-kids are inheriting from one, possibly two other people.

I think I’d be inclined to leave half to Jill and her 2 dc and the other half to Paul and his 4dc. He’s getting half a million in property that he could gift to his dc, but he doesn’t want that, he wants half of Jill’s dc and his own dds money instead.

She could perhaps work out roughly what Paul’s dd would have got under the original will and divy it up so she gets the same so if there is £120k in cash she would have inherited £40k split with her cousins. If Paul’s family inherit half then they would get £560k including the property so if the 4dc get 10% each then the dd gets £56k along with her step siblings and Paul gets £336ish.

if she did the same for Jill, Jill would end up with more than Paul, but she did decide to have fewer dc and all the dc are gloriously equal. She could split Paul’s half equally amongst Paul and his 4 dc but that would leave Jill’s dc with less than Paul’s dc.

It will potentially all be spent on care home fees or just general living depending on her age and health etc. So probably not worth worrying about. I'd advise her to get it written by a solicitor to make sure it's watertight.

My exMIL doesn't trust that some of her sons will pass on their inheritance eventually to her grandchildren so those grandchildren are getting a share of their fathers share in her will, ensuring that her grandchildren inherit without relying on their fathers and that her money doesn't end up with their partners and their partners children who aren't grandchildren.

MILs dc who are sharing with their own dc have partners who have dc that are in no way related to MIL, they all have two sets of grandparents of their own to inherit (or not) from.

There will be a shit storm when the will comes to light but as MIL says she will be dead so she doesn't care.

YARBU - Paul is obviously a total nob!
As well as giving his dc some cash & investments I'd also give her half of Paul's half of the house!

I think she's being very sensible. There is a black hole where inheritance is concerned, look what happened to Linda Bellingham's children. People shouldn't rely on the surviving spouse to ensure children inherit. Nobody should be relying on a step parent to pass on inheritance.

I can see why she has skipped a generation with some of it.

She must be 13 now.

I don’t think my aunt would ever write Paul out of the will. She just wants to make sure his daughter benefits from her estate.

I assume the three step kids will get a slice of Paul’s inheritance in the inevitable divorce (sorry that was catty😂).

that is another point - Paul could fight for these three to be named in his mums will - he could divorce this new wife and these three strangers are left with a slice of my aunts money! Seems bizarre. Different if she had a relationship with them.

Yes totally agree to this. None of my family know the contents of my will, except my mother only where it pertains to her. I've not gone into detail with her - just that she'll be properly financially provided for if I died before her. My solicitor is also the Executor. 🌹

Paul can give them some of his share if he's that worried.

That’s heartbreaking - I am so sorry that happened to you.

That’s so sad. Im not surprised you were upset. As you say it so much depends on how long the child has known all concerned. I’m sorry that happened to you.

@over2021 if your nana will said grandchildren she may have assumed you’d get a share? As people mentioned as a step grandchild she may not have know she had to mention you specifically. I hope this is the case.

as for grabby cousin of the op, he can do what he wants with his money… CF!

Paul could fight for these three to be named in his mums will - he could divorce this new wife and these three strangers are left with a slice of my aunts money!

Could she say “50% of my estate to be divided equally between my son, Paul, and his children”. That would leave his dds share balanced between 25% and 10% of the whole estate, and would likely make her unequal with Jill’s dc, but Paul would have to decide if he wants 25% of the estate split with his dd, or 10% split with his dd and his dsc.