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Original poster

Child Maintenance - is it ever OK to reduce it?

276 replies

FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:39

So cost of living is going up etc and we've taken a look at our finances. We are going to have to cut back a bit. Is it ever ok for the maintenance payments to the ex to reduce? They are well above the CMS recommended amount (DH's choice) but we all know the CMS amount is not always half the amount of raising a child. It also shouldn't matter what mum earns/pays but she's living rent free in an inheritated property and works what I would call "extremely part-time".

OP posts:
Sideorderofchips · 03/04/2022 11:43

No it's not okay to. If your costs are going up so is theirs

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:44

This is true, but they do a lot of extra curricular stuff which mum could cut back on if it's getting too much.

OP posts:
whatstheteamarie · 03/04/2022 11:45

Could you have the DSC more and then cut back on maintenance because of that?

AndAsIfByMagic · 03/04/2022 11:49

Of course it's OK if you're struggling. The ex can work longer hours if she needs more cash.

Calculate what you should be paying and give her that. You shouldn't be suffering to keep her in part time work.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 03/04/2022 11:49

@FloralsForSpring

This is true, but they do a lot of extra curricular stuff which mum could cut back on if it's getting too much.
The mum could back on? But the mum doesn't do the activities, surely? They are done by the DC. So it's the DC's extra curriclar stuff that would be cut back.

You may well be right in predicting that the DC will end up having to be withdrawn from them, depending on what your DP decides to do, but let's be honest here about who is doing what.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:54

@whatstheteamarie

Could you have the DSC more and then cut back on maintenance because of that?
Mum is very hostile to the idea of more contact, DH has to fight hard for his every other weekend and half the holidays. She often refuses to do the journey and when she does they turn up very late or she turns up increasingly early for pick up and gets pissed off when DH makes her wait.
OP posts:
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:55

The mum could back on? But the mum doesn't do the activities, surely? They are done by the DC. So it's the DC's extra curriclar stuff that would be cut back. this is true yes. Mum's the one who chooses for them to do these activities though. I see what you are saying though.

OP posts:
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:58

@AndAsIfByMagic

Of course it's OK if you're struggling. The ex can work longer hours if she needs more cash.

Calculate what you should be paying and give her that. You shouldn't be suffering to keep her in part time work.

Thats how we thought of it tbh and we would have to cut back for stuff for them when they are here too. If DH split the difference between what CMS says and what he pays then she'd still get more than the government says he should pay and our household would be better off too.
OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 03/04/2022 12:08

Activities are not a right. If the money is not there cuts have to be made.

I would get your DH to message her. State the notice and the amount so in 2 months the CMS will be £xx

And that due to the drop he is offering an increase of contact of XYZ.

She is then more than welcome to keep the child more. But the amount will be reducing.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2022 12:14

Of course it's ok to reduce the amount if it's well above the standard payment. If the ex is awkward he should pay not a penny more than the legal requirement. That's what I would do in those circumstances

Coyoacan · 03/04/2022 12:36

It is hard to say as you don't really explain how bad your finances are but, on the face of it, the children are going to suffer big time from cutting maintenance back. Some children live for their after-school activities.

ldontWanna · 03/04/2022 12:38

@Coyoacan

It is hard to say as you don't really explain how bad your finances are but, on the face of it, the children are going to suffer big time from cutting maintenance back. Some children live for their after-school activities.
But that's the case for children all over the country, regardless if their parents are together or not.
Coyoacan · 03/04/2022 12:46

But that's the case for children all over the country, regardless if their parents are together or not

What has that got to do with the price of fish?

However, if you love a child and want the best for that child, you would only take them out of an activity they loved as a last resort. The OP refers to the children's activities as if it were just something the mother wants (which could be the case, of course)

ldontWanna · 03/04/2022 12:46

It's definitely ok for your partner to have a conversation with his ex about this.

First have a proper good look at your finances. See what cuts can be made in general first, then look at maintenance and see what could be saved there but still be a decent ,reasonable amount.

Then he can talk to her, give her notice (rather than stopping it right away) and if possible come up with a figure that everyone is happy with. If that's not possible, as long as he pays at least maintenance,he's technically doing his duty.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 12:46

@Coyoacan

It is hard to say as you don't really explain how bad your finances are but, on the face of it, the children are going to suffer big time from cutting maintenance back. Some children live for their after-school activities.
They may do but ex can work if the horseriding is that important to her. My own child will never get horseriding lessons as we just can't afford it. DH agrees music lessons are important so he pays half of those. Or the ex can cut back elsewhere - up to her. Our finances aren't dire but we need to cut back.
OP posts:
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 12:47

And I refuse to subsidise his maintenance payments especially when she chooses not to work and I have to.

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 03/04/2022 12:49

She doesn't work?
And the kids had horse riding lessons? 😂

Yea screw that. Like I said offer more contact but otherwise cut cut cut.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 12:50

@AskingforaBaskin

She doesn't work? And the kids had horse riding lessons? 😂

Yea screw that. Like I said offer more contact but otherwise cut cut cut.

Sorry to be fair to her she does work but it is VERY part time. Yes they have horseriding lessons. She has no mortgage.
OP posts:
forrestgreen · 03/04/2022 12:50

Do they have a court order in place for how much dad gets him. Could he go back to court for more

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 12:51

Thanks just wanted to check that DH wasn't being unreasonable in his thinking.

OP posts:
jeremyjamjam · 03/04/2022 12:56

It's fine, OP, though you'll inevitably get people on here accusing you of trying starve the kids by doing so. Just ignore them.

Fireflygal · 03/04/2022 13:00

How much does your dh contribute? I think that matters and also age of child. I would only cut back if essential.

crimsonlake · 03/04/2022 13:02

He should not unilaterally reduce payments, a discussion needs to be had with the ex wife.

RandomMess · 03/04/2022 13:06

Any ex that relies on above the CMS should realise that can end at any time and so can CMS rates if the NRP loses their job.

When I was skint I never factored it into the regular monthly budget just in case. Not everyone has that luxury but we certainly didn't have much, received tax credits due to low income etc.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:09

@crimsonlake

He should not unilaterally reduce payments, a discussion needs to be had with the ex wife.
But that would just go

DH"I need to reduce the maintenance is that OK?"
Ex "no"

OP posts:
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