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Original poster

Child Maintenance - is it ever OK to reduce it?

276 replies

FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:39

So cost of living is going up etc and we've taken a look at our finances. We are going to have to cut back a bit. Is it ever ok for the maintenance payments to the ex to reduce? They are well above the CMS recommended amount (DH's choice) but we all know the CMS amount is not always half the amount of raising a child. It also shouldn't matter what mum earns/pays but she's living rent free in an inheritated property and works what I would call "extremely part-time".

OP posts:
Lou98 · 03/04/2022 15:09

@Getyourarseofffthequattro it's not about paying half of your wage - it's about paying half of the costs of raising a child. Not sure what you're not understand about that?

She is paying for her child - out of the wage she earns, she just doesn't have the outgoings of a mortgage which for most people is a huge saving.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:09

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

Ah, so everyone is contributing to her children except her. Must be nice!
Well to be fair to her I'm glad my parents are alive but yes I believe this is the case. Like I say it's a different world.
OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 03/04/2022 15:11

[quote Lou98]@Getyourarseofffthequattro it's not about paying half of your wage - it's about paying half of the costs of raising a child. Not sure what you're not understand about that?

She is paying for her child - out of the wage she earns, she just doesn't have the outgoings of a mortgage which for most people is a huge saving. [/quote]
I haven't said half your wage? Maybe youve misread.

She's not paying half the costs of her children. She can't be, because she works very part time..

taylorsdoingapart · 03/04/2022 15:11

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum. Either go through Cms or let your DH deal with it. Not sure why you're so over invested.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 03/04/2022 15:12

@taylorsdoingapart

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum. Either go through Cms or let your DH deal with it. Not sure why you're so over invested.
Over invested to care about your own outgoings Grin fuck sake this place sometimes.

What's toxic is bullshit ignorant comments like yours!

ldontWanna · 03/04/2022 15:13

@taylorsdoingapart

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum. Either go through Cms or let your DH deal with it. Not sure why you're so over invested.
Are you serious? Because it's her household that has to make cuts, it's their finances being affected, it's them getting comments for buying the cheaper stuff.
ldontWanna · 03/04/2022 15:15

@JacquelineCarlyle define "a bit more difficult ".

Lou98 · 03/04/2022 15:15

@Getyourarseofffthequattro how can she not be paying half the costs of her children? You don't know what her part time wage is.
Back when I worked part time I was making £600 a month - 2 children don't cost £1200 a month.

As above, if it were hypothetically £200 a month is what it cost for raising a child, she pays £100 and he pays £100 - they've both paid the same amount, she's just then left with less a month than he is but he has more outgoings because he has a mortgage and she doesn't. They've still both paid the same amount for their children

taylorsdoingapart · 03/04/2022 15:15

Yeah their household, but her DH needs to deal with it.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:15

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum.

I have zero relationship with her. And am indifferent to het really. They know I think she is a great cook and I love her artwork, and that she is much cleverer than me to be able to help with their maths homework.

OP posts:
taylorsdoingapart · 03/04/2022 15:16

@FloralsForSpring

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum.

I have zero relationship with her. And am indifferent to het really. They know I think she is a great cook and I love her artwork, and that she is much cleverer than me to be able to help with their maths homework.

You don't sound indifferent...
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:17

@taylorsdoingapart

Yeah their household, but her DH needs to deal with it.
He is thanks. But we looked at the budget together and both wondered if it was out of order to reduce the maintenance
OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 03/04/2022 15:17

[quote Lou98]@Getyourarseofffthequattro how can she not be paying half the costs of her children? You don't know what her part time wage is.
Back when I worked part time I was making £600 a month - 2 children don't cost £1200 a month.

As above, if it were hypothetically £200 a month is what it cost for raising a child, she pays £100 and he pays £100 - they've both paid the same amount, she's just then left with less a month than he is but he has more outgoings because he has a mortgage and she doesn't. They've still both paid the same amount for their children[/quote]
I'd be surprised if she is paying half of all costs for two children on a very part time wage to be honest.

Everyone's children cost different amounts, of course. But even still I'd be surprised.

As he works full time clearly he'll be giving them a lot more than she is.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:17

You don't sound indifferent... where have I said anything nasty about her?

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2022 15:19

@taylorsdoingapart

Your relationship with her sounds toxic and damaging. I hope the DC don't know how you feel about their mum. Either go through Cms or let your DH deal with it. Not sure why you're so over invested.
Oh give over, OP is far more positive about her than many would be 😂
Skelligsfeathers · 03/04/2022 15:20

How many hours is ' very part time?'

DownToTheSeaAgain · 03/04/2022 15:20

On the assumption that the money goes to the DC not the EXW I still think it is wrong to cut it because invariably it is the DC that will suffer. They don't get to live with their DF (your DC do) and this is really important. When my DF left I would have given up anything to have him back in the family. Obviously this is not possible but it does feel that this thread is all about the 'lazy' EXW who is mortgage free and has a rich boyfriend and not much about the DC who don't get to see their dad much. It may be
the 'fault' of the EXW that this doesn't happen but it is absolutely not their fault.

Lou98 · 03/04/2022 15:21

@Getyourarseofffthequattro how is it clear he's giving them more than she is?
It sounds like the OP and her Husband have more outgoings, it's ridiculous to assume that purely because she works part time

For all you know the difference in the wage that they earn is what he pays for his mortgage. The fact is you have no idea, neither do the rest of us on here. Working part time doesn't mean she's not paying half the costs of her kids, especially considering she has them 12 days out of 14.

As I said above, only the OP and her Husband know what they pay and if they're paying more than their fair share, they should absolutely reduce it but if they're only paying their half then even if they can legally reduce it I think it's morally a shitty thing to do.

taylorsdoingapart · 03/04/2022 15:21

@DownToTheSeaAgain

On the assumption that the money goes to the DC not the EXW I still think it is wrong to cut it because invariably it is the DC that will suffer. They don't get to live with their DF (your DC do) and this is really important. When my DF left I would have given up anything to have him back in the family. Obviously this is not possible but it does feel that this thread is all about the 'lazy' EXW who is mortgage free and has a rich boyfriend and not much about the DC who don't get to see their dad much. It may be the 'fault' of the EXW that this doesn't happen but it is absolutely not their fault.
This.
SpidersAreShitheads · 03/04/2022 15:21

I completely understand the comments about it being rough on the child to have to make cuts to clubs they like. Let's ignore for a moment the fact that the mum is choosing to work very part-time hours. But at the moment, it's even worse for the OP's own DC.

The DC who live with OP and her DH are having a worse standard of living, and are having items cut which aren't even real luxuries. And OP has said that she wouldn't be able to afford horse riding for her own DC.

So based on this, there's a real disparity between the two households, and if CMS carry on at the current rate, there's an argument that the DSC are being prioritised over the OP's DC.

If OP was living the life of luxury, then cutting CMS would be tight. But right now, the DSC are having things that she couldn't afford for her own DC and that's not right at all.

And yes, if the ex can't afford to pay for horse riding, she could work a bit more - just like the rest of us have to do when we want something for our DC.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:21

They don't get to live with their DF (your DC do) and this is really important throwing money at it won't make this go away

OP posts:
MummyInTheNecropolis · 03/04/2022 15:22

I don’t think it’s unreasonable as long as it’s a last resort, which it sounds like it is. I would be sensitive about it and give plenty of notice though, the ex is probably concerned about the rising cost of living as well, and dealing with that plus a reduction in maintenance might be difficult.

Also, if she needs to work more hours to cover the shortfall it might not be that straight forward, perhaps her current contract is only for set hours and can’t be increased. In which case she will need to find a new job, which of course can take a long time.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 03/04/2022 15:23

@FloralsForSpring

They don't get to live with their DF (your DC do) and this is really important throwing money at it won't make this go away
It's not throwing money at it. It is not taking money away
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 15:25

@Skelligsfeathers

How many hours is ' very part time?'
5-10 hours a week
OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2022 15:26

It's not throwing money at it. It is not taking money away

Which is not more important than keeping the household with the other DC afloat. Needs being covered needs to be prioritized above the vague hope that paying for lots of luxuries will make up for the DSCs parents being split.

And it isn't right for the youngest to have no luxuries while they have several either, that's looking at things from only one very specific perspective.