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Original poster

Child Maintenance - is it ever OK to reduce it?

276 replies

FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 11:39

So cost of living is going up etc and we've taken a look at our finances. We are going to have to cut back a bit. Is it ever ok for the maintenance payments to the ex to reduce? They are well above the CMS recommended amount (DH's choice) but we all know the CMS amount is not always half the amount of raising a child. It also shouldn't matter what mum earns/pays but she's living rent free in an inheritated property and works what I would call "extremely part-time".

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 03/04/2022 13:10

He needs to discuss it with her

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:10

@Theunamedcat

He needs to discuss it with her
Why?
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2022 13:16

He doesn’t need to keep paying well over the CMS amount, he doesn’t need to get her permission or agreement.

He has more than one child, his responsibility is to all of them, not just the ones he doesn’t live with full time.

In your circumstances of course it’s okay to reduce it. It doesn’t sound like she can become more unreasonable than she is now so what have you got to lose.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:18

@AnneLovesGilbert that's also how we were thinking. And like a PP said he could lose his job at any time and it would reduce if he paid CMS minimum.

OP posts:
Blendiful · 03/04/2022 13:18

Yes, with notice. If he lost his job he would have to pay less wouldn’t he.

It’s not easy but if he’s paying more than the minimum and situations change. The money is going to change, it’s not a given.

I agree with stating that he is reducing payments to… in so many months, and that he is offering to have them x more amount of time to help.

Clubs will have to be funded by mum or cut if the money isn’t there, I’ve had to do this for my own DC in the past and we weren’t separated then. It’s just how it is with expensive hobbies. If mum works part time and her finances are that tough she needs the extra, then she can work more hours, DH can offer to have the kids more to allow her to do this.

Expect backlash but as you say costs of living are going up and changes are going to have to be made for lots of people that will affect their kids, together or separated.

IggyAce · 03/04/2022 13:19

He just needs to give her notice and state it as a fact not a question or asking her permission. I’d advise as of Junes payment the CM will be reducing to x as per cms calculation. He could also say he’ll continue to pay half of music lesson directly to tutor.

lonelydad2021 · 03/04/2022 13:19

It would depend of the amount. If it is 100 a month and you are reducing it, it would be harsh. If it is 1000, not that much. Cut horseriding lessons. Still plenty for child's needs!

Coyoacan · 03/04/2022 13:20

I paid for my dd to have horse-riding lessons as a single mother on a low income and with zero help from her dad. How come you can't afford horse-riding lessons for your child, OP? Are you also relying mostly on your husband's contribution?

Eightiesfan · 03/04/2022 13:21

This is difficult, as his child with exW will suffer, but having said that I don’t think horse riding lessons is a necessity.

You do not say if you are married and if your DC is his. This makes a difference,. If your DC is his, then you are not unreasonable in your request. If your DC is not his, then I would say you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:23

@Coyoacan

I paid for my dd to have horse-riding lessons as a single mother on a low income and with zero help from her dad. How come you can't afford horse-riding lessons for your child, OP? Are you also relying mostly on your husband's contribution?
  1. They aren't old enough yet but I will have to save as much as I can for the mortgage and school trips etc.
  2. No I own my own money thanks.
OP posts:
Kingharoldshairstyle · 03/04/2022 13:24

How much does he Pay and for how many kids?

Goodbyetowinter · 03/04/2022 13:24

Just get him to go through the CMS.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:24

@Eightiesfan

This is difficult, as his child with exW will suffer, but having said that I don’t think horse riding lessons is a necessity.

You do not say if you are married and if your DC is his. This makes a difference,. If your DC is his, then you are not unreasonable in your request. If your DC is not his, then I would say you are being unreasonable.

Sorry yes married and share a DC. He is wanting to reduce too. We looked at the budget together.
OP posts:
Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:26

Just to add neither he nor I care if she wants to pay for horse riding with the maintenance. She can do whatever she likes. It was more that if she can't afford it without the maintenance then I don't see that's that terrible a thing as she could always work more or just accept they can't go.

OP posts:
AndAsIfByMagic · 03/04/2022 13:29

Your shared child is entitled to similar support to her siblings. If DH has to pay less for them so, that your shared DC has a more even lifestyle then that's how it should be.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2022 13:29

The child will suffer?!

I doubt it. People on here are, as ever, severely lacking in perspective. They may have fewer luxuries. That’s okay. It’s what most people are dealing with.

toomuchlaundry · 03/04/2022 13:30

So he decided he could afford another child but wants to cut back on paying for his other children. CMS is the bare minimum, wouldn’t be impressed by any parent who only pays that and then goes in to have other children (I know this isn’t your case OP)

How much are you looking to cut back? I would say it is the correct thing to do to talk to the ex. There are his children who will be impacted

DownToTheSeaAgain · 03/04/2022 13:33

I think it is unreasonable. You can't set an expectation and then just reduce it. It is irrelevant whether it is above the legal limit or not.

It feels that this is about punishing the EXW for making different life/ employment choices rather than anything else.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:34

Ha if anything they "suffer" when they are here. She has a very nice lifestyle.

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 03/04/2022 13:35

@DownToTheSeaAgain

I think it is unreasonable. You can't set an expectation and then just reduce it. It is irrelevant whether it is above the legal limit or not.

It feels that this is about punishing the EXW for making different life/ employment choices rather than anything else.

She can not expect her standard of living to be dependent on another household.
Iwonder08 · 03/04/2022 13:35

Absolutely yes if it is within the legal level. Their mother is clearly not seeing the need to have more money given she works 'very part time'. You don't need to discuss it, but it be sensible to give her 2-3 months notice if you can

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:35

@DownToTheSeaAgain

I think it is unreasonable. You can't set an expectation and then just reduce it. It is irrelevant whether it is above the legal limit or not.

It feels that this is about punishing the EXW for making different life/ employment choices rather than anything else.

Really do not give a shit about her employment choices. It was just mentioned to illustrate she has capacity to earn more should she decide she needs to.
OP posts:
DownToTheSeaAgain · 03/04/2022 13:37

Presumably @AskingforaBaskin the money is not for her but the DC. She has planned her expenditure on DC based on an agreed amount. You can't just change that because it doesn't suit you any more and you're jealous.

Original poster
FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 13:39

@DownToTheSeaAgain

Presumably *@AskingforaBaskin* the money is not for her but the DC. She has planned her expenditure on DC based on an agreed amount. You can't just change that because it doesn't suit you any more and you're jealous.
I'm not jealous. I appreciate her inheritance is because she has lost her family and have every sympathy with her for that.

DH is going to email her today and give her notice of reduced payments. Thanks everyone for their advice.

OP posts:
ldontWanna · 03/04/2022 13:41

@DownToTheSeaAgain

I think it is unreasonable. You can't set an expectation and then just reduce it. It is irrelevant whether it is above the legal limit or not.

It feels that this is about punishing the EXW for making different life/ employment choices rather than anything else.

If it feels that way then it's your own bias and issue.

He can decide that if that's what he can afford. He can even decide to pay just what CMS requires. But he's not doing that, he's been paying extra and will still pay extra ,just less than it used to be.

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