"secret" insurance policy

[Pilot11]

AIBU?

Our house isn't worth a great deal and is likely to be the only asset we really have to leave.

I have 1 DC, my husband has 3 (one with me and two from previous relationship).

The house is in joint tenants so goes to the remaining spouse if one of us should die which is fine by me. We also have life insurance which pays out to the remaining spouse and would be sufficient to cover things like the mortgage, child related costs etc...

I have decided to take out an individual life insurance policy in trust to be paid out to our 1 DC if something were to happen to me.

I've not told DH about it and I've not put him down as one of the trustees either. Admittedly partly because I don't want to have the conversation with him of ensuring it only goes to our DC.

I think he'd be hurt (he's very hyper aware of his elder DC and them being included in everything and this can sometimes spill over into what I feel is unreasonable expectations of me to treat them like my own) and frankly I don't 100% trust that he'd do as I wished and just give it to our one DC.

It's not hidden in that if he sees paperwork or whatnot I don't care, I've just not expressly told him about it to avoid the awkward conversation!

I’d do it your way in splitting the house. His half equally between his children. Your half equally between your children (there’s only one, but that’s still the principle).

With the house you need to make sure your percentage goes to your DC even if he remarries.

And the fact that even if I did speak to him, I'd still always have it in the back of my head that he still wouldn't do what I'd asked if the time came if that makes sense?

If it gets paid to your DC at a specific age, he can't share it among his other kids. There's nothing he can do about it.

Changing the house to tenants in common and leaving your half to your child but giving your H lifetime rights of occupation is a fairly standard way of dealing with this sort of thing.

I personally think you should be honest. I found it awkward when I told DH than my half of the house would go to my son and he could divide his half as he chose (he has two kids) However, I gently said that it wasn’t fair on my DS that his own mother (me) should pay in 50% only to lose out on 17% of his inheritance purely because my DH and his ex chose to have two children 🤷‍♀️ These types of conversations are definitely awkward but presumably the ex has provision in place for the step-kids and, even if she doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you have to make up the shortfall.

Sounds sensible to me