Had enough of Disney DP and DSD

[Greyskiesaregonnaclearup]

Posting as I'm at my wits end with the situation and ready to throw in the towel. Been with DP for 6 years, all moved in together 2 years ago. Things have been bumpy at times, although Covid hasn't helped, but on the whole things have been good.

The biggest problem is DSD12. We have 3 kids between us, her, my DD11 and his other DD10. His oldest DD goes through phases where she makes it clear she doesn't like me, doesn't want me around and ignores me as much as possible. It used to bother me but now I just take a step back and leave her to it. It's not worth the argument, she's very much the golden child for DP, who never sees anything she does as wrong and won't discipline her or actually parent her. I should probably add that I wasn't around when DP and his ex split, so have no history in their breakup.

Things have come to a head this half term. DSD has a violent streak, which DP is aware of but again has never tackled. I went out to pick up dinner and when the kids went to bed, my DD was upset about something. She said DSD punched her in the shoulder while I was out, but she didn't tell DP because he wouldn't believe her (her words) and because DSD told her she was a snitch if she did. She cried and now has a bruise.

There is form for this, DSD has hit out before but does it when the adults aren't around And as DP ignores it (and gets shitty if I try to discipline) she gets away with it. There is also form when my DD has told DP and me she's been hit and he makes excuses. DSD also hits her sister DSD10 and gets away with that too.

To further complicate things, I have a high conflict ex who takes me to court at the drop of a hat to try to remove custody of DD (last year it was twice, the second time he accused DP of attacking me which isnt true). So if my ex finds out DSD has hit DD he would happily use that as an excuse to withhold her from me if he can.

I tried to speak to DP about what had happened, in a way that was non accusatory as I knew he wouldn't like it, and he blew it at me anyway. Accused me of hounding DSD, who apparently is having a tough time at school and failing classes (this was the first I'd heard of this) and flipped it on its head like it was all my fault.

I'm so upset. We havnt spoken for two days except for him to have a go at me again yesterday that I was ruining his time off work and time with his kids. DSD is visibly happy that there's been a row, and has taken my spot next to her dad at all times, which he thinks is nice as 'she sees that daddy is upset'.

I cant take it anymore. I have my own home that is currently rented out and the tenancy is ending soon, so I could move back home with DD and remove us from this. I love DP but this isn't working and I don't see a way to make it better. There are so many things wrong here and I feel so down. Does anyone have any advice please?

Please leave. The relationship doesn't have to end but putting you and your daughter first is your priority in much the same way as he is putting him and his daughter first. Trust me I know from experience it doesn't get better just worse and the resentment is inevitable.

Sounds as though both your DP and his ex are shitty parents as I can guarantee this behaviour isn't just when she's with her dad.

They are raising an entitled little witch who thinks she can get away with whatever she wants;unfortunately with you and DD moving out it sends out a message that she's in control and will no doubt drive away other people because she believes she can.

However the above isn't your problem;not your circus not your monkeys.Your only priority is your own child.

Please put your daughter first, pack your bags and get out. Move.

Leave. And tell the DSD that she is a nasty bully. She's old enough to hear what people think of her and it might shock her into changing her attitude.

It is assault.

If you distill this situation to its essence. It is a blended situation that did not work well. Fortunately, the unhappy parties in this situation have a home to which they can return.

The adults involved have the option if they so choose of continuing their relationship without involving their children.

There are never guarantees that blendings will work out to everyone's satisfaction. Unlike a childfree relationship where there are only 2 parties who need be considered, blended situations involve multiple people, varied personalities, and often expectations that have not been fully articulated and differences in parenting styles that have not been fully discussed and explored.

In this situation, the 2 parties have discovered things that make living together at this time not a desirable option for all involved. Fortunately, they are not without options for restructuring their environment and living arrangements. They are better positioned than most of the posters who present in similar situations.

There is no need for anger or animosity. You cannot blame people for not being what you expect or need. What you can do is recognize that living together was a mistake. You cannot fix your partner or his daughter. What you can fix and modify is the environment in which you choose to live and rear your daughter.

Well done to you, OP. This decision is courageous.

Hope you and dd are doing ok

Your DD is suffering physical abuse in her own home. I wouldn't even need to think about this, I'd already be packing my bags.