Warning long post!!
So me and my partner have been together 7 years, he has 2 (11.13) from previous relationship (split when both children were under 2) we also have 3 together. We have the girls 50/50 split with their mum and since the day I met them, his eldest has taken a dislike to me.
I am in my late 20s much younger than their mum, so I’m unsure if that’s perhaps part of the problem. She’s obsessed with her dad that’s only way to say it, but he’s literally the best thing since sliced bread to her and can’t do any wrong. So originally I assumed you know, evil step mum taking dad away narrative is normal maybe for young kids?
Her behaviour towards me I’ve put up with it for so long now, I feel like I can’t! She screams at me constantly, I mean screams! In my face in front of my family, friends it doesn’t matter who. Its always been this way, I stopped tidying for her room because she would go mental that I touched her things.
She will come in the door il say hiya or ask her how she is, immediately she will start screaming at me so now I say nothing at all, if I sit in front of the car beside her dad she’ll refuse to get into car start shouting and crying till I move. If I sit next to her dad she’ll physically try to push me out the seat and starts an argument, over past few years she’s started to swear at me.
Bad words like I’ve never called anyone half the things she calls me daily, I regularly get called a bitch, asshole, witch, horrible, I get told to fuck off, or worse once to go die. She has slammed doors actually on me, pushed me, once she slapped my back as I was leaving her room, she puts horrible tik toks up about me, she tells people I abuse the pets and her, that I don’t feed her(we actually almost weigh the same so when she is pushing me she is strong).
She says I ignore her, that she doesn’t get anything, she says the most horrific things about me and to me, she has called me a retard because I have an impairment. She’ll tell her mum these stories that are just lies about things that I’ve done or said she must think I’m a monster!
She also said horrific things about her mums new boyfriend what he was supposedly doing, that I had to talk to her mum/dad because I was so worried about it. later she said I made it all up, Her sister had heard her telling me so thankfully told them I was saying the truth. She says things like she wishes her dad would cheat on me so I’d leave.
on the contrast her sister spends more time with me than her dad (not saying she’s a saint all time just a typical kid who has moments) but she looks forward to seeing me spending time with me etc.
Example 12th birthday I spent hundreds of pounds and hours doing up her room, so when she went to secondary it would be nice. She picked everything she wanted, she told me how she wanted it and I did it exactly like that. When she seen it for first time she took a huge tantrum screaming, swearing I was so upset.
For her 13th she insisted she didn’t want a party then morning of her birthday she changed her mind. I spend the rest of the day running around getting stuff for her friends, the cake she wanted, decorating, food etc only for her to lock herself in the bathroom and tell me to fuck off when I asked her what was wrong.
She is really mean to her all siblings, she will physically hurt them even being 5 and 3,3. She threatens them, screams at them If I ever try to give her into trouble for something, it results in world war 3.
It feels like I’m being bullied that sounds so stupid but it does. It’s so confusing because she’ll come tell me things she wouldn’t even tell her mum, she take takes my clothes, make up, she’ll ask me about boys etc one minute then next I’m evil again. I think she genuinely believes that she has a bad life.
All birthday Christmas presents/parties I do it comes from me and she knows that so will tell me what she wants, then call me a bitch later that night. All days out/holidays are me, I always do stuff for the kids, I try really hard for them all of them. I would never get one with out the other. I feel like I’m the only one that find it actually really wrong that a child is even allowed to talk to someone like that!
I’m not saying I’m perfect because I’m not, I was young when I met them I probably made loads of mistakes which is why this has happened. I’m in a house of 5 kids so there are many times over the years when I have just snapped, been grumpy or I have lost it and stormed out because I’m sick of it. Everyone says to me they’d of left by now how do I put up with it, that the worst thing I done to her was just be with her father.
What upsets me most is my kids have started to copy the way she treats me and they have started swearing at me to get what they want ,says I’m horrible, a bad mum that they hate me too.
I’ve tried and tried so many times to talk to my partner about it, even though he agrees she shouldn’t be doing that nothings done apart from a shouting match between him/her. It will normally end in an argument between me and him, I’m literally at the point of leaving only thing that worries me is her behaviour towards the kids.
(Worth noting she confided in me that she was depressed a few years back, which is why I think I’ve sort of took it on the chin most time with her outbursts. I tried to get her mum and dad to get her into counselling, made doctors appointments, anxiety treatment, I’m only one who kept pushing for her to get help. I feel sorry for her if she feels like that as I’ve had mental health issues, I love her but she’s making me dislike her. if that makes sense, which is a horrible thing to say and makes me sad even writing it)