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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want them to come tomorrow now?!

84 replies

Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 17:51

But I don't know who is being unreasonable??

My step son is due here tomorrow morning to spend Christmas day with us which he hasn't done in many years. My husband is really excited.

But now his Mum has messaged to say she has tested positive on a LFT for Covid after feeling unwell.

Step son feels fine but she won't force him to do a test as he hates them and doesn't have symptoms so she doesn't think he should need to.

My husband is all for him still coming and he actually rang DH upset last night because he still wanted to come. I am really not keen now but don't know what to do. We have young DC ourselves. I'm torn between thinking if it were one of my DC I of course would still want to see them and thinking but I need to do what's best for my DC as well which is protecting them from potentially getting Covid over the holidays.

I also don't think there is any way my husband would refuse DSS even if I said I didn't want him to stay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 17:52

Title should say him, I was going to not post DSC being girl or boy but did anyway 🤦‍♀️ he is 9 by the way.

OP posts:
janicewheeler · 24/12/2021 17:54

I thought he can't come regardless now can he if his mom has tested postive ? Don't she need to do a pcr now and isolate - not sure how it works for under 18's though in this situation

RedWingBoots · 24/12/2021 17:54

Anyone else you seeing tomorrow elderly, pregnant or otherwise vulnerable?

If not then you have to take the risk as at some point everyone will get it. You need to decide whether sooner or later.

Nosnowthisyear · 24/12/2021 17:55

I don’t know what the current rules are for isolating if you are a child and a close contact? I understand you being concerned but it sounds like you can’t cancel if your h wants him to come.

If I were the mother I wouldn’t send him.

itsgettingwierd · 24/12/2021 17:56

I can absolutely understand your concern. He may be carrying it.

However there is a risk anyone of you could catch it at anytime and if your own children caught it you wouldn't want them excluded so they didn't risk others?

And tbh if you haven't all tested yourselves you have no idea that you aren't an asymptomatic carrier right now.

I would just make sure everywhere is well ventilated to reduce risk. Even if you have to wap up the heating and open the windows!

Smartiepants79 · 24/12/2021 17:57

You’ve answered your own question really. If you would still see one of your DC in the same circumstances then your step son comes to visit.
He is your husband’s child. As important to him as your children are to you.
All you could possibly do is take yourself and your Dc elsewhere.

lilly7221w · 24/12/2021 18:01

I'd guess she just wants her son on Christmas Day... go get him!

NewbieAlert · 24/12/2021 18:06

Tbf he doesn’t have to do a test if he has no symptoms.
Also she doesn’t have a positive PCR yet so on this basis I’d still have him round.

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:07

When I say I would still want to see my DC I meant I can understand DH wanting to see him still. Not necessarily that I would still do it, just that I understand.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 24/12/2021 18:08

@NewbieAlert

Tbf he doesn’t have to do a test if he has no symptoms. Also she doesn’t have a positive PCR yet so on this basis I’d still have him round.
Yes he does, if he’s been in close contact with a positive case.
Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:08

And tbh if you haven't all tested yourselves you have no idea that you aren't an asymptomatic carrier right now

We have all done LFTs as my parents are supposed to be coming

OP posts:
woohoo54 · 24/12/2021 18:09

Can't you compromise by asking him to lft? Yes he may not like but if it puts your mind at rest then that's fair. But if you wouldn't cancel on your own children you can't cancel on his. But a LFT the morning of is fair.

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:09

@NewbieAlert

Tbf he doesn’t have to do a test if he has no symptoms. Also she doesn’t have a positive PCR yet so on this basis I’d still have him round.
Appreciate this but I think it's safe to say she likely has it. She is unwell and has a positive LFT. I understand false positives are not all that common, more commonly it would be a false negative?
OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 24/12/2021 18:12

Depends on your risk tolerance, I wouldn't but then again I have had Covid and it wasn't fun. If mums got it it's highly likely DSS will have it and should test. Act accordingly.

NewbieAlert · 24/12/2021 18:12

@Bluntness100

If you are aged 5 years and over and have been identified as a contact of someone with COVID-19, but are not legally required to self-isolate, you are strongly advised to:

take an LFD test every day for 7 days, or until 10 days since your last contact with the person who tested positive for COVID-19 if this is earlier
take this daily test before you leave the household for the first time that day

strongly advised

Not required. Also this guidance is for people who have been in contact with someone who has a positive pcr.

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:12

@woohoo54

Can't you compromise by asking him to lft? Yes he may not like but if it puts your mind at rest then that's fair. But if you wouldn't cancel on your own children you can't cancel on his. But a LFT the morning of is fair.
I meant that I understand him still wanting to see him. Not necessarily that I would not cancel on my own DC, just that I understand his dilemma and so am not pissed off with him because I get it. But on the other hand my DC are obviously my priority and I don't want them to get ill. May be being a bit paranoid I guess, one was pretty poorly and in hospital about 5 months ago (not with Covid) so I get a bit panicky about them getting poorly.
OP posts:
Username7521 · 24/12/2021 18:13

I would let him come. We’ve had two DSC with covid and we’ve maintained the normal schedule.
It’s within the rules and though some people will raise an eyebrow all adults are triple vaxxed and not seeing any venerable people at Christmas.

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:13

Mum won't LFT him. She just won't do it.

We can't exactly do it here because he'd already be here and it would be unfair to them just send him away again if it were positive.

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 24/12/2021 18:13

If one of your children was a close contact of someone with a positive LFT, what would they be doing tomorrow?

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:14

Also this guidance is for people who have been in contact with someone who has a positive pcr

Is this not just semantics though? She has a positive LFT and has symptoms. I highly doubt she is going to get a negative PCR now.

OP posts:
Username7521 · 24/12/2021 18:15

Also they both had covid separately, but had a very mild cough (now nicknamed in our house the covid cough) and no one else caught it and no one isolated.

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:15

@CorrBlimeyGG

If one of your children was a close contact of someone with a positive LFT, what would they be doing tomorrow?
My children live with me and their Dad so it's not the same situation. They'd be here obviously. Because it's their only home.
OP posts:
SwayingInTime · 24/12/2021 18:17

I’d actually get him to you asap. She’s potentially (50/50?) going to be too unwell to look after him properly for a few days so might as well get him and reduce the chance of him catching it. We let it rip through our house in October and 11 year old was basically asymptomatic, 16yr old pretty ill for two weeks, me and 14yr old for 3-4 days an and DH didn’t catch it.

KylieKoKo · 24/12/2021 18:22

If the mum won't test him I would get dad to take a lateral flow test with him and test him himself.

Didicat · 24/12/2021 18:22

Surely your children would love to spend Christmas with their brother?

Unless you have seen no one and done no festive events then there’s still a risk one of you are incubating it.

Let him come and keep the house well ventilated

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