I’m so angry!!

[Salsal345]

ve been extremely unwell with my sinuses this weekend, I’ve had a throbbing headache since last night and it will not go.
every weekend we have my stepson which isn’t a problem, but I feel that I’m being used as a babysitter.
My husband goes to play football on a Sunday morning and usually will go to the pub after and just presumes I will look after my stepson. This morning I explained I am not well as he is fully aware, this resulted in a full blown argument that it’s fair too cold for him to take his son, to which I replied stay home and look after your son then. To cut a long story short he left saying he couldn’t let his team down etc etc!
I am so angry that the responsibility falls on me all the time. Surely if he has access to his son every weekend then he should be taking care of his son. I don’t mind babysitting some of the time but this is getting a joke and when I’m feeling ill aswell.
I feel like my husband is the most selfish man on earth and I’m so fed up of him!

I totally feel you and feel this was recently about my husband and they are my own kids. I’m the one constantly at home whilst he’s off footballing or playing golf. I get very very little child free time and if you discuss them perhaps missing it, It’s a big thing. I don’t have any advice but sadly feel just as fed up as you, as also not feeling well and he’s gone to golf this morning.

What's your relationship with your step sons mother like? Is there any possibility of contacting her to come and collect him if he's buggered off out and you're feeling too ill to look after him? Your husband is a selfish twat.

Ask his DM to collect him and tell your DH your babysitting is over. If DSS is there then so is he.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one!
My stepson is no trouble to be fair but I don’t think my husband realises it’s me that has to entertain him, feed him and do all the parental duties whilst he is out having a good laugh with his friends! Surely this should be the other way round!!
I would love to just crawl into bed and watch tv and have a day to myself!
Bloody men!!

Can't let his team down, but let's his son down every weekend by ditching him for his mates.

I'd have been raging about that alone long before now.

Why are you putting up with this week in week out?

Start getting up early on a Sunday and leaving before he leaves for football. Book some Saturday nights away/ stay with friends/ family and don’t be there Sunday. Tell him you will not do this/ be available. Either he rearranges his contact, or he changes his ‘hobby’.

We get on well but she is out of the city until this evening as she had a weekend away. I don’t think it’s fair that the responsibility should fall on her though when she has had him all week.
I’m more angry with my selfish husband and I will be telling him he can look after his son next weekend. I’m sure he will try and say it’s because I don’t like his son, all lies but his way of trying to guilt trip me into looking after his son whilst he has a day of leisure!

The amount of posts on here with women allowing themselves time and again to default to childcare is beyond me. Remove yourself. Put a stop to it.

No one. An force you to look after/ be with children whom you have no PR for.

Agree with @sassbott - just don't be available to babysit. Make your own plans. If you do look after your stepson then he needs to ask and make sure it's convenient for you, and not just assume. But don't feel you have to - he's not your responsibility.

Your husband is a selfish dick. Throw what he says back at him ‘you don’t want to look after my son because you don’t like him’ ‘why don’t you want to look after your own son? Why do you go out with your mates and dump the poor kid on me?’

Go away for the night next weekend.

Then what will he do.

Thank you! I knew this was wrong but it’s always nice to hear it from someone else.
I’m not going to put up with it. Normally I don’t mind as I’m in the house anyway most sundays but today when I said I was ill and he started an argument was a joke!

How old is ss? Old enough to be given a TV remote and order food in?

Just how stupid is your husband that he doesn't understand that his child needs food, entertainment and actually looking after?

It's shocking that he can presumably hold down a job and understand team sports, but not understand the very basics of parenting.

Absolutely fuming on your behalf.

Can't let his team down, but let's his son down every weekend by ditching him for his mates.

It tells you the man he is. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who has their priorities so wrong.

He is 9, he is currently playing on his computer but is still up and down asking me stuff, I don’t mind he’s a kid and gets bored easily but his dad should be dealing with this.

Your husband takes complete advantage of you and you allow it? Why? You're not his skivvy or paid nanny, although that's exactly what he sees you as. It is absolutely shocking that your husband left knowing you are sick and feeling awful. What a horrible marriage. Get out and run for your life.

If he accuses you of not liking his son, then point out that he's the one who clearly doesn't like his son - seeing as he fucks off every Saturday to avoid spending time with him. That stepson is not your child, you are not a free babysitter and you refuse to be mugged off any longer.

Tell your DSS to call and message his dad if he needs everything as you are unwell and need to rest.

Next contact session be out before your H. No discussion be out. Can you go to friends or family?

Also have you done a LTR test I have covid and it started off flu like with sinus pain thrown in for good measure.

I dont know why people get involved with people who already have children when they have none themselves. They always get the shitty end of the stick and are last priority in every decision usually even behind the ex! The parent is always just looking for an assistant not a partner and the feelings for the new partner is never even in the same universe as the feeling for the children. There's usually a reason these people are divorced or separated with children and it's not often their winning and lovable personality.

@hamsterchump

I dont know why people get involved with people who already have children when they have none themselves. They always get the shitty end of the stick and are last priority in every decision usually even behind the ex! The parent is always just looking for an assistant not a partner and the feelings for the new partner is never even in the same universe as the feeling for the children. There's usually a reason these people are divorced or separated with children and it's not often their winning and lovable personality.

That's a huge assumption to make. I've never once been relied on to look after my stepkids and he was not looking for a helper with childcare. Not all men, and all that. But I do agree that you see a lot of that behaviour on here.

No wonder you're angry OP! It's not as if you were just hinting asking him to stay, you actually told him he had to stay as you're not well and he walked out anyway - I would be making plans every Sunday from now on!

Also as an aside - have you done a covid test? I've just gotten over it and my main symptoms were a throbbing head and sore/blocked sinuses!

Next week, be away. Spend the Saturday night elsewhere and don't come back until late Sunday.

Tell him you will be doing this until he recognises that he is not entitled to your childcare services and has some respect and consideration for you because fucking off when you're ill is taking the piss.

What @sassbott says.
I would just arrange to be away next Saturday night into Sunday morning & I wouldn't even tell dh until I'm heading out the door on Saturday.
I wouldn't normally suggest something so 'childish' but your dh needs a short, sharp shock.