I’m so angry!!

[Salsal345]

ve been extremely unwell with my sinuses this weekend, I’ve had a throbbing headache since last night and it will not go.
every weekend we have my stepson which isn’t a problem, but I feel that I’m being used as a babysitter.
My husband goes to play football on a Sunday morning and usually will go to the pub after and just presumes I will look after my stepson. This morning I explained I am not well as he is fully aware, this resulted in a full blown argument that it’s fair too cold for him to take his son, to which I replied stay home and look after your son then. To cut a long story short he left saying he couldn’t let his team down etc etc!
I am so angry that the responsibility falls on me all the time. Surely if he has access to his son every weekend then he should be taking care of his son. I don’t mind babysitting some of the time but this is getting a joke and when I’m feeling ill aswell.
I feel like my husband is the most selfish man on earth and I’m so fed up of him!

If my young child was spending all his time at his dads with his sm because his dad thought that regular daytime pints were more important than spending time with his child I'd stop him going.
At that age that's NOT what access is for & would be my responsibility - not that of his sm.

I very much agree.

Contact with the nonresident parent is not about giving the resident parent a ‘well earned break’. It’s about facilitating the relationship between parent and child. Because that’s what society deems to be in the child’s best interests.

It’s not ok for the NRP to dump the child on a new partner and act like a single 23 year old.

I actually think that fathers should be forced to admit how much time they actually want to spend with (and looking after) their own children. Too many of them want to have more contact to appear to the world as if they’re a great father (and to minimise maintenance), but actually just dump them on the nearest woman and carry on with their life. It would be best for everyone if they were forced to actually admit that they just can’t be arsed with all that parenting.

@Willyoujustbequiet puts it's beautifully - this is the reason he was someone else's ex! Looks like you've got yourself a real gem.

And it's not 'bloody men' - it's this one.

@Aphrodite31

I suppose the thinking is:

You are married.
This child is a child of the family.
Ideally one accepts a SC as much as possible as one's own.
DH has a Sunday morning hobby which can't include the family.
So this whole set up requires the other person to cover the kid(s) on Sunday morning.
If DSS was your biological child with DH, it would be the same.

It feels bad, I know. But he's got a son. The only other option is ditching football.
You have to discuss this as if the child is a joint responsibility when under your roof or there will never be full emotional cohesion in the family and that's not good for anyone, especially the child.

Yep he does have a son, so you're right, ditching the football, that is the answer. It's not the same as if the child was OP's own because the whole purpose of the child being at OP's house is to spend time and have a relationship with his dad.

This man only has his child at the weekends, why is he prioritising his hobby during that time? He can play football during the week, even if it means he doesn't get to take part in matches and sticks mainly to training.

My DP only has his kids at weekends (due to the distance his ex moved) and he would never dream of signing up to a hobby that meant he missed the majority of every Sunday with them, it's bizarre.

I actually think that fathers should be forced to admit how much time they actually want to spend with (and looking after) their own children. Too many of them want to have more contact to appear to the world as if they’re a great father (and to minimise maintenance), but actually just dump them on the nearest woman and carry on with their life. It would be best for everyone if they were forced to actually admit that they just can’t be arsed with all that parenting.

Agree @BeyondOurReef. I think a big part of the issue is that a lot of dads have never done any kind of parenting except parenting like that - where they get to just float about as a fun presence while the mum does all the actual work. So when they split up and meet someone else, they expect that again, but it's a totally different situation when your partner is not your child's mother.

I think a big part of the issue is that a lot of dads have never done any kind of parenting except parenting like that - where they get to just float about as a fun presence while the mum does all the actual work. So when they split up and meet someone else, they expect that again, but it's a totally different situation when your partner is not your child's mother.

This is definitely part of it. And part of their feeling of entitlement around having all the women in their life do all the boring bits for them.

It shouldn’t be a shock to their ex that they are still lazy buggers who’ll leave all the parenting to them after they split up that they were during the relationship b

I’d have messaged both parents saying I had managed to get an emergency GP appt so one of them needed to come and get DSS. You’re not officially looking after him. His DF should be.
Not your responsibility at all.

If this was me I'd bundle myself up and drop DSS off at the football ground or the pub and tell DH that you will no longer be doing his parenting for him.
Then ltb - he's a selfish prick who is both a useless husband and father. Seriously, what is the point of him?

Selfish manchild. Do not procreate with him.

Bloody men!!

Don't do this, it doesn't serve you well!

This is your partner, not 'men'.

@Salsal345

What happened this past weekend?

I wouldn’t put up with this kind of behaviour from my husband and we only have shared DC to think about.

Why is it more important not to let his football team down than his partner and child?

If you only see your child for part of the week, you don’t commit to a hobby on those days. Surely that’s a given?

Honestly OP, your time is just as important as his. Stop letting him pass his responsibilities onto you. Your worth more than that .

.