I'm really struggling in my new role as step mum to my husbands 6 year old, I need some support . Can anyone help?

[Nelli29]

I have just got married (110904) to a truely wonderful man whom I love very much, and everything is perfect except for the fact that he has a coniving x-wife who insists on making things difficult, he also has a 6 year old little girl who is lovely and we get on very well. The problem really lies with me. I'm finding it increasing difficult to cope with situations and am desparatly trying to find someone who is in the same boat who understands where I'm coming from , because at the moment I feel as though I'm abnormal feeling the way I do. I have not got any children myself but have always wanted to start my own family , maybe this has something to do with it. I just need to talk to someone. Thanks for listening...k xxx

Just wondering, is there any way we can instant chat online? perhaps through MSN or something?

Yes there is, but I don't know how to do it. If you go to the top of the page it gives you the option to contact another talker. Try it and see what happens

i'm not signed up to anything like that because i can't get away with it at work and I don't use my pc at home unless I can help it!
as i said though feel free to contact me on my personal e-mail - i'm on yahoo throughout the day sneakily checking and e-mailing away!!

Hi Nelli

Hope you don't mind me joining in, DP and I have been together for 3 years now, our difference is that we both have DD's of about the same age, but some of what you are posting is ringing soooo true. My SD visits us every other weekend and my DD goes to her father's every weekend so we tend to have SD on her own on a Friday and Sat. Boy was it hard to get across to DP that the rules that we have for my DD should still stand for SD when she visits. I have really had to stick to my guns on this one and insist on manners, no cheekiness, treating me like a friend not a slave "Get me a drink" was quite common. But 3 years on it has been SO worth it. DP was concerned that she would hate coming over to see us if we told her off or made her go to bed before midnight, or had to eat her vegetables, but that never happened once.
WRT the school concerts I would just go along with DH, BM needs to understand that you are there as a permanant fixture now and that as much as your DH came as a package with SD so too do you now and therefore you are part of her life. My SD loves seeing all of us at concert - in her eyes its the more the merrier.
I have to say I really struggled with the demands of my SD's mum initially - texting 20 times to say what 1 text would have done, making all sorts of stupid demands on DP and laying down all sorts of ridiculous ground rules - like I wasn't allowed to pick or drop SD up from school (until the emergancy when I was the only one available) but after a while I realised that she was only worried about her daughter prefering me to her (Which was not going to happen but made her feel threatened) We are now really good friends - but then she basically very similar to me in many ways and I think we both realised that from SD's point of view it is much better to get along than argue - but obviously the BM has to be reasonable and approachable before this can happen - and also this has only happened in the last year, now we all feel more comfortable and secure in our relationships. DP and I still fight about things though - this past year we have not had SD for a week's hols as every time we go to book something her Mum comes up with a prior arrangement, so its not ever a bed of roses (sigh) just means now I like her I can't be unpleasant about her