Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

AIBU dss is trying to change the cats name

102 replies

SnowWhitesSM · 27/10/2021 21:50

I am so flipping irritated. He told dh a few weeks ago he was changing the cats name. Dh didn't really pay any attention. He kept on with it and a couple of weeks ago I said (very nicely) that we can't change the cats name as he answers to his name and it will confuse him. Dh said to dss he can give him that name as a nickname.

Tonight he keeps correcting anyone who calls the cats bloody name. I'm not sure why I'm so irritated 😤

I think I need to find lots of things to keep me occupied until Monday morning Wine

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
tootiredtospeak · 28/10/2021 09:36

I mean really it's normal for kids to grate on you they can be irritating shits you know even if they are yours. Just ignore it dont start calling him a different name that's pretty and your teaching him to be pretty and passive aggressive not empathetic.

tootiredtospeak · 28/10/2021 09:38

Petty

Staryflight445 · 28/10/2021 09:56

Cats respond to tone, not their names.

helpfulperson · 28/10/2021 10:05

I think introducing him to the poem 'the naming of cats' would be a good way to bond and establish that a cat can have many names depending on who is using it.

smoko · 28/10/2021 11:05

To me this shows that he sees the cat as a “thing” - not as a sentient being

How would he like it if you just decided to change his name & call him something else?

It’s rude & would show a lack of respect. It would confuse him

This kind of behaviour isn’t “cute” - underlying what he think is funny is a disregard for the cat, who knows their name.

Yes adopted animals have their name changed, this is often because the original name isn’t known, or to give the animal a fresh start for their new life.

I’d not be standing for this but I also would never date someone with kids again, so don’t have to put up with this kind of thing.

smoko · 28/10/2021 11:07

I actually would start calling him Nigel or some other unattractive name every time he calls the cat by this new name

“Ok Nigel”

“Give it a rest Nigel”

“Nigel’s at it again kitty! He’s a slow learner isn’t he”

If the joke is on him, maybe he will be less likely to continue with it

PumpkinsandTea · 28/10/2021 11:16

I'll probably get laughed at for this but I'd also be concerned at the meaning behind it. Would DSS call another child "Chubbs" if he deemed them slightly overweight? If so, that's obviously something that needs to be dealt with

ineedsun · 28/10/2021 11:23

@smoko

I actually would start calling him Nigel or some other unattractive name every time he calls the cat by this new name

“Ok Nigel”

“Give it a rest Nigel”

“Nigel’s at it again kitty! He’s a slow learner isn’t he”

If the joke is on him, maybe he will be less likely to continue with it

Have you read the thread?
Tattler2 · 28/10/2021 11:40

My mother's cat of 12 years has a name to which she responds, but she also responds to anyone who says "here kitty, kitty." She doesn't seem in the least bit confused. She also responds to anyone who offers her a cat treat.

The child is only 8 years old; the cat is probably indifferent to what he or she is called. You are probably making much ado about nothing. If the cat is confused or offended he or she simply won't respond.

smoko · 28/10/2021 11:46

@ineedsun I thought I did?

ineedsun · 28/10/2021 11:53

So you read all the stuff about how the child is really struggling and feeling left out and your answer is to mock and belittle the child?

Tattler2 · 28/10/2021 12:06

Maybe, it would simplify things to think about it in terms of the cat's possible 9 lives. If I cat can have 9 lives, it probably is not adverse to having 9 or 10 names. Maybe his mom named him Henry while he was in the litter or maybe his litter mates called him George.

orinocosfavoritecake · 28/10/2021 12:17

It’s a nickname. For a cat. Why is this unreasonable? It’s not on to stop other people using the cat’s proper name, but other than that …

Pandaly · 28/10/2021 12:20

I have to LOL at posters worrying more about the identity or sensitive feelings of a cat being called Chubbs than an 8 year old finding ways to feel secure between 2 homes. I'm not worried about the cats feelings. I'm worried about the message it sends DSS if they are allowed to rename a family member. They might need more control but being allowed to rename the cat isn't a good way of them getting it. The cat is not a toy it's part of the family.

tcjotm · 28/10/2021 12:20

@SnowWhitesSM

He's here 50/50 my dc are teens and are here FT. Dh and dss have plenty of one on one time.

I would love some ideas of how to help him feel more secure so he doesn't feel left out or the need to rename the cat! I really like the adding a Mr to cats name!

Do you have any medication for the cat or maybe a vet reminder that has the cat’s full name that you can show him? When I was his age I was so chuffed to see a card from the vet addressed to Master Fluffy Smith (name changed to protect the wicked). I still find it delightful.
Pandaly · 28/10/2021 12:21

That is my concern too. It starts with the cat but then what.

Pandaly · 28/10/2021 12:21

That was to @PumpkinsandTea sorry

Original poster
SnowWhitesSM · 28/10/2021 12:22

I don't need help simplifying the matter thanks.

I need help to not be so irritated by it. I realise I'm a full grown adult and that the cat doesn't care about what name it is called. I realise dss is a very confused and mixed up little boy and this is a way for him to have some control or say over something. That still doesn't get rid of how irritating his behaviour is and how I cope.

It's very hard when it's not your own child who is doing something like this. When it's your own child you stop them doing what irritates you. When it's not your child and they have a whole heap of emotional problems because of their parents conflict it's really not so easy.

@smoko if I could turn back time I would never have signed up for this. I keep telling my dd to never be a step mum.

OP posts:
Pandaly · 28/10/2021 12:23

It is fine to be irritated by it. You're doing a great job coz you realise there's more going on.

SeaToSki · 28/10/2021 12:25

Maybe he could become ‘responsible’ for the cat when he is at yours. Now he is big enough! Can he feed and clean up after the cat, make sure he plays with the cat every day? That might help him feel a bit more in control

Also if his DM is his conflict, maybe you and DH can role play some ways to handle that in a age appropriate way - so that he feels more in control of himself there. I would start with how no one can make a person feel something, every person chooses to feel that way. Then maybe a bit on not feeding into drama, what could DS tell his DM he had been doing with DH that wouldnt feed the drama … ‘oh we hung out’. ‘We just messed around a bit’. Start building the foundations for emotional resilience for him

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 28/10/2021 12:25

I don’t really understand all the angst. He’s 8. A child. You just nod and smile and say “that’s nice dear”, he calls the cat the new name 4 times and then forgets.

You’re making it a power struggle so of course he’s going to dig in even further and insist on the new name.

Stop being silly.

Original poster
SnowWhitesSM · 28/10/2021 12:27

Thanks @Pandaly I do try.

OP posts:
smoko · 28/10/2021 12:59

@ineedsun was just trying to make the OP laugh really. Being a step parent can be hard.

If someone is going through a tough time it doesn’t give them the right to be a little arsehoole to a creature

I actually think Chubbs is a great name for a cat!

But it’s not their name & just because someone feels left out they should still have empathy & respect for animals

silverpixies · 28/10/2021 20:18

My cat answers to Moo, minxy, sausage, mummy's baby, squdgey and her actual name, Alice.

Thatsplentyjack · 28/10/2021 20:24

I would either completely ignore him, because he will get bored eventually or everytime he does i, put a really confused face and say "hmm no it's not", or, everytime he says it say "no his name is .........." insert different name every single time. Play him at his own game but make it ridiculous.