AIBU dss is trying to change the cats name

[SnowWhitesSM]

I am so flipping irritated. He told dh a few weeks ago he was changing the cats name. Dh didn't really pay any attention. He kept on with it and a couple of weeks ago I said (very nicely) that we can't change the cats name as he answers to his name and it will confuse him. Dh said to dss he can give him that name as a nickname.

Tonight he keeps correcting anyone who calls the cats bloody name. I'm not sure why I'm so irritated 😤

I think I need to find lots of things to keep me occupied until Monday morning

I would definitely call him a different name to make the point. And maybe find him something else he can control / name in the house. Something of his dad's perhaps!

@TwinklyBranch

Is it chubbs becuase of his weight/size? In which case its even more out of order to bully a family member because of this.

Bullying a family member?! Give over, it's a cat!

This is just a kid being daft, it's what they do. I'd laugh and ignore. Certainly wouldn't get annoyed about it.

It's the principle. The cat has a right to be treated with respect.

@meltingappointment

If he was my child I could say oi stop it.

It's your cat so I reckon you still can

I agree. Your cat your rules.

I really wouldn’t be worried about that. You call the cat your name, he can call it whatever he likes. Our cat has a proper cat name which he gets called some of the time. But about half the time he gets called Spawn (nothing like his real name), and he copes just fine. It’s the tone of voice not the name they respond to. Plus he has an occasional third nickname now and then.

@Pandaly

Is it chubbs becuase of his weight/size? In which case its even more out of order to bully a family member because of this.

I'd choose something really babyish.

Ok … pretty sure a cat won’t care if he gets called chubby, or fatty or whatever. It’s not bullying, it’s kids being annoying because they have found something they can annoy the OP about.

I think this is about your relationship with your dss. He is pushing your buttons and it's working. Maybe you need to think.about why he's doing this?

So dh bought the cat but it is a family cat.

Dd often calls the cat lord supreme (as he looks at us like we're his minions). But she isn't trying to change his name. It's the changing his name and wanting us all to call him a different name too that bothers me.

I am just going to ignore it unless he corrects me. He's 8 and he does struggle with feeling left out when he's not here (50/50). I will be as kind as I can be about it and put myself in his shoes. He will stop it soon enough.

@EmmaGrundyForPM

I think this is about your relationship with your dss. He is pushing your buttons and it's working. Maybe you need to think.about why he's doing this?

Probably because he can get away with it. He is 8 years old yet OP feels she cannot tell him off for renaming the cat. I suppose this spills over into other areas. He is pushing because he can.

Poor kid. He's looking for some control in his dads house. It's really tough on children moving from home to home. OP how much time does he spend at yours? Have you got kids? How much time does he spend with his dad?

Tell dss he can put Mr in front of dcat's name instead...

@SnowWhitesSM

So dh bought the cat but it is a family cat.

Dd often calls the cat lord supreme (as he looks at us like we're his minions). But she isn't trying to change his name. It's the changing his name and wanting us all to call him a different name too that bothers me.

I am just going to ignore it unless he corrects me. He's 8 and he does struggle with feeling left out when he's not here (50/50). I will be as kind as I can be about it and put myself in his shoes. He will stop it soon enough.

Oh poor boy. This makes sense then now if he feels left out. He just wants to feel important. Please find ways to make him feel secure and that his opinion counts in things.

Honestly choose your battles OP. Our poor cat has a different nickname from everyone of my lot. He doesn't answer to anything apart from his biscuit tin being shook.

He's 8 and he does struggle with feeling left out when he's not here (50/50). I will be as kind as I can be about it and put myself in his shoes. He will stop it soon enough

Yes.

And don’t take the passive aggressive route of calling him a nee name, either.

I have to LOL at posters worrying more about the identity or sensitive feelings of a cat being called Chubbs than an 8 year old finding ways to feel secure between 2 homes.

It really doesn't matter what DSS calls the cat.

When I was a child, I decided that the cat had “told me” she wanted to be called Sharon and tried to change her name . My mum adopted a “that’s nice dear” approach and ignored it (as did the cat!) until I got bored

@EdgeOfTheSky

He's 8 and he does struggle with feeling left out when he's not here (50/50). I will be as kind as I can be about it and put myself in his shoes. He will stop it soon enough

Yes.

And don’t take the passive aggressive route of calling him a nee name, either.

I have to LOL at posters worrying more about the identity or sensitive feelings of a cat being called Chubbs than an 8 year old finding ways to feel secure between 2 homes.

This. Please help your SS. You’re an adult and are able to see this behaviour for what it is, a cry for help.

He's here 50/50 my dc are teens and are here FT. Dh and dss have plenty of one on one time.

I would love some ideas of how to help him feel more secure so he doesn't feel left out or the need to rename the cat! I really like the adding a Mr to cats name!

what about something like he gets to decide what’s for tea one night (assuming he would choose something appropriate) or he decides what takeaway to get on a Friday night?

Other things that can really help bonding are playing board games together.

This is a completely harmless way for him to try to have a bit of control. Calling a person Chubbs would be bullying, but it's a cat. It doesn't know what the word means. If he treats the cat nicely, there's no problem.

He's eight, and it's not important. I'd be inclined to say okay, the cat's middle name can be Chubbs and you can call him that, but I'm still going to call him by his first name. He gets to feel included, and you don't have to change what you call your cat.

Is DSS a little on the "Hefty" side? Could someone (at school maybe) be calling him Chubbs? Maybe a conversation is in order? Maybe he is trying to tell you and his father something?
Why not get the book by TS Eliot - Cats - and read it with him? It is obviously a topic that interests him. OR, could he be wanting a cat of his own, that he could name? If he is at your house 50/50 maybe he wants a friend when he is there? Teenage stepbrothers aren't really playmates.

@black2black he already chooses tea one night and we love playing frustrating and exploding kittens most Fridays.

It's really hard for dss as his dm is very high conflict. Sometimes when he's really enjoyed himself he goes home and tells his mum 'stories' of things that aren't true. The last one was about my son standing on his chest (my son didn't) and when we very gently asked him to describe what happened he said he told his mum that as his mum would be angry if he told her what we had really done (visit a castle, buy wooden swords for them all and have a sword lesson from the volunteer there).

I have taken a massive step back because I get so upset about it. I know it's not his fault but it's so hard to have done above and beyond and then get a metaphorical slap in the face.

No dss is skinny, I think it's a control thing.

What I'm going to do is use the middle name and Mr idea and say ah dss we should add chubbs to his middle name and call him Mr x chubbs supreme. I think dss will really like that and the cat will still be called x.

Your poor DSS. Having to lie to his mum because she gets angry about him having fun with you. He must feel so insecure. Maybe he wants a pet of his own? Maybe he wants your cat to be his cat. Could you get him a pet to keep at your house? In the meantime let him call the cat whatever he wants. It’s only a word to a cat.

Oh the poor boy. I can see why this is upsetting for you too OP and you might have to disengage as it feels like you can’t get anywhere with the relationship. It is worse for him though. Try and remember that next time you’re getting riled up.

I think letting him name the cats middle name is a great idea.

Might be an idea to ask in step parenting forum for advice on how to help when SK feels guilty for enjoying themselves.

He really wants a bearded dragon, we're going to redecorate his room after Christmas and have said he can have his bearded dragon then.