AIBU dss is trying to change the cats name

[SnowWhitesSM]

I am so flipping irritated. He told dh a few weeks ago he was changing the cats name. Dh didn't really pay any attention. He kept on with it and a couple of weeks ago I said (very nicely) that we can't change the cats name as he answers to his name and it will confuse him. Dh said to dss he can give him that name as a nickname.

Tonight he keeps correcting anyone who calls the cats bloody name. I'm not sure why I'm so irritated 😤

I think I need to find lots of things to keep me occupied until Monday morning

Haven't rtft. Could you make light of it and say Chubbs can be his special name for the cat. Then ignore all the times he tells other people. The less you react the faster this game will get old.
But you also need to get your DH on board with consistency over how you both approach discipline.

I'm not sure cats really do know their name - it is more the sound. We rescued one at 15 months old - gave him a lovely name - everyone agreed it suited him but the cat never really acknowledged it. Last month (cat now aged 3) - Dc and I messing about - about food and custard. The cat constantly there - totally underfoot. Everytime we referred to custard he came - I think his first name must have sounded similar. We are not renaming him - his new name is gorgeous! But it has made us think a bit more on sounds.

I love your idea about incorporating DSS name into the cat's full name (without changing the name) - that really might work. And the pp idea of getting DSS more involved in cat care is also a good one. DSS is still quite young - he needs to be wrapped into your family as much as possible.

@spongedog maybe he used to be called Cuthbert?

Keep on keeping on @SnowWhitesSM you're doing a grand job

@Pandaly

That is my concern too. It starts with the cat but then what.

Small boy uses alternative name for cat. Clearly he will escalate to microwaving spiders, vivisecting squirrels and murdering other family members in their bed.

This thread is absolutely batshit

I would just ignore it but use the cats real name a lot more to help it sink in to both of them. If you make a drama out of it it will become even more of a thing.

@SnowWhitesSM

Finding dss a new name would be funny.

What could I call an 8yr old boy? He's renaming the cat chubbs..

Nothing wrong with the name Chubbs. It's the name of the best little black cat that ever lived.

However...as Chubbs the Best Little Black Cat has already graced this world with her presence and left again, perhaps you could rename your SS with something more suitable in honour of the Best Tabby Cat in the World instead?

I'm sure that young Meepmeep will appreciate your generosity in bequeathing this noble title upon him.

Why don't you say Chubbs can be his middle name 🥰

@SnowWhitesSM

He really wants a bearded dragon, we're going to redecorate his room after Christmas and have said he can have his bearded dragon then.

Just refreshed the page sodding app and this came up.

Do you get to give the Beardie a middle name?

I'd suggest Slartibartfast. Very useful for applying the principle of phoemes. But that's not important...

Really surprised by some of these responses, I thought it was normal and common for young children to suddenly want to change pets names on a whim? I remember trying to do it with our family dog, my parents just said “that’s nice darling” and carried on calling her by her real name 😂

Suggesting this boy is bullying a family member, or that he should be called a not very nice name himself is awful I think. It’s innocent and harmless BUT I do agree he shouldn’t be pressuring others to call the cat this name. I’d say to him that Chubbs can be his name for the cat, but we’re keeping the other one as well, that way he does get some control but doesn’t demand and dominate completely.

I feel sorry for him, it’s not fun feeling left out, living between two homes, and being pressured by your mum to pretend you’re having a bad time so as not to upset her. In fact, her behaviour is shameful in all this if that’s really what she’s doing 😡

Small boy uses alternative name for cat. Clearly he will escalate to microwaving spiders, vivisecting squirrels and murdering other family members in their bed.

I don't think anyone means it will "clearly" lead to that. But still, it isn't a positive message to a kid that he should have the power to change something's name after it's already named, and I wouldn't be encouraging it. No need for the hyperbole about it.

@nevergoesaway I'm not getting into slagging off dss dm but yes her behaviour with that and other things makes for unbelievable reading.

I also understand that I'm BU for finding this annoying. I know dss doesn't have it easy, I'm well aware of that but I am finding his need to control lots of little things hard work. I will fill my own cup up and try my best to stop letting it get to me.

The cat doesn't know its name - it knows the tone of voice you use to call it.

@aSofaNearYou

Imagine what it must be like to be 8 years old and have so little control over what happens in your life that you can't change something as meaningless as what you decide to call a cat. It is not as though you are going to the hall of records to make some formal name change, and it is not as though the cat gives a Thinkers' damn what you call it.

It is a,meaningless effort by a child who himself probably feels pretty meaningless a good bit of the time. Who is hurt by his calling the cat x,y, or z? However, the validation that his thoughts on any subject matters might make the kid feel better.

I doubt if my father bought a cat, for whatever purpose, that he would have cared what my siblings and I called the cat on any day as long as we were not abusing the animal.

[quote Tattler2]@aSofaNearYou

Imagine what it must be like to be 8 years old and have so little control over what happens in your life that you can't change something as meaningless as what you decide to call a cat. It is not as though you are going to the hall of records to make some formal name change, and it is not as though the cat gives a Thinkers' damn what you call it.

It is a,meaningless effort by a child who himself probably feels pretty meaningless a good bit of the time. Who is hurt by his calling the cat x,y, or z? However, the validation that his thoughts on any subject matters might make the kid feel better.

I doubt if my father bought a cat, for whatever purpose, that he would have cared what my siblings and I called the cat on any day as long as we were not abusing the animal.[/quote]
He can call the cat what he likes, it's the correcting other people using it's actual given name that is a negative trait I would not encourage.

I don't confuse his feeling "meaningless" in other areas of his life with the values I want to instil in a child in my household, the two are not connected, he still needs to be raised right. It's not healthy to expect to be able to change something's name and insist everybody else follows suit.

@Tattler2 but you know this isn't about the cats name right ?

Kids need boundaries and need to be kindly corrected, he doesn't get to control a another living thing. Ok it's a cat but it's not about the cat. Imagine if I suddenly started calling my step sister "fatty" because I felt that was a better name for her, I would be testing a boundary .
I will say bare in mind I did call both the cat, dog and at one point my step sister fatty as a kid. I was kindly reminded that kindness to all living things is a expected way of life, it's not ah well it's just a cat, dog, stroppy teenager she's a kid she will grow out of it. Kindness is a taught emotion.

I don't let my DSD or DD drag the cat around the house for unlimited cuddles (which both want to do because it's a living creature and not a toy or a object to be owned and played with).

The OP has already said she's going to get the DS a pet dragon lizard thing and he will have control of of naming that animal, he will also get to learn about animal care and putting the needs of a animal above his own whims. This is a good reason to get a pet.

This isn't child abuse or the child being locked under the stairs or something that special rules apply to stepchildren only. This is just something all kids need to learn at some stage.

OP your a better women than me. Those dragon lizard things look bloody massiousive and I would live in fear of it escaping.

It's not about the cat. It's about the boundaries. He's pushing them by insisting other people call the cat what he wants. Needs to be stopped now.

This would annoy me too, and I'm not sure why. But ignore it completely and it will grow old quickly. If he senses any kind of reaction from you it will probably continue far longer than it needs to.

Haha well he originally wanted a tarantula or a snake @candlelightsatdawn so a bearded dragon was a good compromise.

It's definitely worth remembering kindness is taught. I am doing my upmost to be kind about how dss is isn't a reflection of who he is. Lots of wine needed tonight! Dh has said he wants a stress free weekend so won't be picking up on behaviour unless it's extreme.. oh the joys

Oh ffs @SnowWhitesSM your DH needs to give the boy boundaries! Maybe this is why he’s trying to exert control because he doesn’t know where his boundaries are. He’s trying to create his own. I couldn’t cope with this and would resent my DH.

Honestly @black2black I just disengage. He is free to parent how he wishes and I'm free to parent mine how I wish too. He knows full well the trouble he's going to get when dss is a teenager and I've made it very clear that he will have to move out with dss if it impacts me negatively. I'm more than happy for it to be me and the cat 3/4 days a week when the time comes.

At the moment I just nacho. Everything is a battle of wills with dss trying to control absolutely everything, so I don't take part. My dc are teens and are both doing well. What he does with his son causes no impact on mine. When he's allowed to stay up till my dc go to bed, so what, when he's allowed to refuse to eat food he likes and then gets sweets, so what, he doesn't have to brush his teeth, so what. I just make jokes to my dc that at least their teeth won't fall out and they have enough energy to do fun things.

@SnowWhitesSM that first pet would have me literally running for the hills screaming hell no. I think your being more than kind tbh !!

I think your below approach sounds spot on. It's so hard to nacho but just keep in the back of your head, your DSS is not a reflection of your parental skills but of his actual parents. If ultimately if DSS isn't kind you can say well look I tried to help but I wasn't my parental choice. My DH is ready to strangle me with a cord when I say "parental choice" because what I mean is his choice - his result 😏 but funnily enough when I started nachoing I found it easier to enjoy DSD and actually have come to appreciate that she's either gonna be a gang boss or a CEO and either way she will have my backing because egh shows tenacity.

I think it's actually worse when your child's well behaved and kind because the comparison is in black and white. At that point I usually say well different styles have different results. !

Haha I am using the different styles equal different results line.

I've moved on to the gin tonight. Anything to get me through till I see my friend tomorrow.

He's 8 ffs. Some of the people on this thread are nuts and mean. Just because you don't enjoy being a step parent doesn't mean all kids are evil and controlling and everything else you claim step kids are.

It's okay for OPs DD to have a nickname for the cat - her teenage DD - because apparently she doesn't say it as often. But an 8 year old is controlling and a potential threat to animals.

Absolutely ridiculous.

@kirinm
It isn't the nickname, it's the insisting that the rest of the family adopt that name. When a Disney Dad fails to parent, sometimes a child decides that they are the parent instead, and they make the rules. Slightly annoying when they are 8, rather more of a problem when they get to their teens and are bigger than you and used to always getting their own way.

Ohhh this is interesting because my nephew is 8 and he has overnight decided he no longer wants to be called Dan and the whole family and all friends etc must address him as Daniel. It’s cery hard to remember and driving us all mad because he corrects us EVERY TIME.

I wonder if there is a developmental control thing with age 8 boys!!