Covid and blended family set up

[candlelightsatdawn]

Hi all, ok just so I don't drif feed I'm a high risk pregnancy and I have been told if baby survives the pregnancy (it's not a given currently) they will want me to have a c section and baby need a stay in nuci .Problem being is me and my DH will ask to isolate 10 days before the OP

This means that my DD will probably have to stay with my mum due to me not wanting to interrupt her preschool time or routine and so we can't catch anything from her (kids are germy right) which might mean we can't spend time with baby (what time we may or may not have with baby) or me having to have c section on own due to him being sick and not let in (they do check they checked with my sisters husband)

Problem is DH ex on extreme the scale of totally and utterly relaxed re Covid. I totally respect everyone's views on Covid and I'm not entering into a debate over whether this is right or wrong. When I say relaxed I mean that life didn't change for them at all during all three lockdowns and ex doesn't believe in Covid really. Her choice.
We have DSD three nights a week and ever other evening randomly. She's 12 and her school and year group especially has had several rounds of Covid outbreaks in last few months. It's spreading like wild fire.

Problem is when we have date for c section I'm worried about isolation period and contact. We have caught Covid from them before and weirdly mum was Uber sick with it but it hasn't changed her view point. It's unlikely DSD will be sick with it again badly but very likely she may pass it on and therefore mean I get poorly or DH may not be able to spend time with new baby (it's not obviously a given baby will come home so it could be limited time)

Would I be a absolute 🔔 end to say to DH he needs to have a chat with ex (which we get on with well) we have to isolate before section and won't be having any children in house for a short period or change contact in some way ?

I realise this may all not plan out re the pregnancy and even post that baby may not make it but I just wanted everyone's views. It there any workable suggestions everyone has.

At this point things may change but I just wanted to hear what people thought .

I have a tendency to let people make their own choices but this one the other households choices will be directly impacting my choice to want to not be at risk and I don't want to impose anything on them but I also don't want to up my risk because other doesn't believe in Covid.

Help. Please don't tell me so many things may change right now. I'm so aware of of the changeable nature of the situation I'm in and I want to find out if anyone else has had this ect.

To those few posters questioning the OP and the 3 days, be nice, be kind. What fits one person is different medically. The OP has already said it’s a high risk pregnancy, and even if the consultant only said 3 days, I would do the same as the OP and do 10 as would anyone else if it gave the odds a better chance of baby coming home soon.

OP, you sound very reasonable and I wish you all the best. I think talking to your DSD and explaining your DD is going away as well so you can see them all sooner will be better coming from you and DH,

Oh OP I'm so sorry you find yourself in this awful situation.
Please don't stress about this, literally nobodys feelings matter more than yours and your baby's health. You have an absolute right to protect that.
As PPs have said, you have a plan for your own DD so it's not even a stepchild thing. It's a germy child thing.
As for the PP banging on about the 3 day NHS rule, we have been ill with one bug after another for the last 3 weeks solid courtesy of DS bringing all sorts home from nursery. In fact I was off work with D&V today. So 10 days seems perfectly reasonable and sensible to me.

You and the baby are currently the most vulnerable people in the blended family so need to be protected. It is in no one's interest, certainly not DSD's, for her to pass on covid so close to your date.

Thanks all for the comments funnily enough DH thinks DSD will be fine with it, she's pretty black and white and practical and less emotional than most kids (medical reason for that so not abnormal for her).

I'm going to follow what the consultants say re isolation period ,whatever that may be at the time for me, given it may change.I think I'm gonna leave DH to make his choice (such as I have done with my child) as this actually in his arena re what he will do is something he will have to live with.
This is not my circus or my monkeys and your right he needs to speak to DSD and make a choice that's right for him and all the children involved .

If that means he wants to maintain contact during that time and not be present at birth or post or whatever mixture it is that's his choice and it's not ideal but this whole situation isn't ideal because of what it is, I have already come to terms on this front a tad. However I won't allow him to expose risk to this baby and he will have to follow medical advice and guidance from the hospital . So he can stay somewhere else maybe take DSD away somewhere nice but he won't be at my house with DSD in whatever isolation period I need to keep this baby safe.

Thanks for all the kind comments, my consultant did seem fairly hazy on some details so I wanted to ask others.

It has changed
Across the NHS

If that means he wants to maintain contact during that time and not be present at birth or post or whatever mixture it is that's his choice and it's not ideal but this whole situation isn't ideal because of what it is

That's it, it's just another crappy covid thing xx

I'd never have forgiven my DH if he had chosen to continue contact with DSD instead of be there for me when our son was stillborn and he'd never have forgiven himself either.
It's not a simple decision to make

@Reallyimeanreally2022

It has changed Across the NHS

PLease stop. Please re read the OP’s statement about the critical status of her precious baby. Why do you want to conceive her it’s only 3 days? Even if it is, she’s stated her consultant has said 10 days, and in her shoes if I could give my baby 1% more chance by isolating for 10days I fucking would.

FWIW @candlelightsatdawn I think you're being incredibly rationale.

There was no Covid when my DD was born. I was high risk, she premature, NICU and had lots of medical issue including suppressed immune system. The risk infection posed was real, and constant. Living ''normally'' was impossible. I took VAST precautions to shield her as I wasn't willing to take any risk. Many considered me ''obsessive'' / ''abnormal'' / ''over the top''. Even so still nearly lost her once in her first months (unrelated to infection risk). Unless you've truly faced the prospect of losing a newborn it's hard to understand the overwhelmingly intense drive to protect, at whatever cost. As her consultant told me many times: the reason she's here, and healthy is down to the lengths you went. Thankfully she recovered and you'd never know it now. It was worth every sacrifice, judgmental comment and unkind slight - I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

@Reallyimeanreally2022

It has changed Across the NHS

Why does that matter if OP has been told 10 days.

@candlelightsatdawn

I recently had an op. I had to isolate for 10 days, and had to sign a form that detailed every aspect of that, and that I'd done all those things before they would operate.

How long ago did you all have covid? Have you all been vaccinated (obv your daughter is too young)? And vaccinated against flu? I understand you have to isolate for 10 days but if you also don’t want to pick up anything from the children which could prevent you seeing the baby how long are you planning on not seeing them for?

I don't know how it works in the UK, but in the states most obstetricians will provide you with a written copy of the required prop protocols and they include the recommended /required steps related to COViD testing and the 3 day isolation requirements.

I had high risks pregnancies and was placed on full bed rest for months prior to the delivery. That was at a time long before COVID, but I did have an elementary school age child in the house. At no point was it recommended that I remove my child from the home even though she was in Elementary school and subject to exposure to the plethora of diseases and germs that swirl around in Elementary schools.

My baby spent 2 months in the NICU with both myself and his father visiting everyday. His NICU pediatrician never suggested that I was likely bringing in any germs from the outside. The real concern in the NICU was about infections that are contracted from within the hospital environment.

For what it is worth, my son did well in spite of being premature. He reached and exceeded all of his developmental benchmarks and is an excellent student and elementary school athlete.

Chances are If you just share the hospital protocol requirements with the ex, she would hopefully not have any objections to complying with what your doctor and hospitals are recommending and requiring.

It is difficult not to worry during a high risk pregnancy, but keep in mind that your physician has probably handled many high risk pregnancies and his/her recommendations are based upon both science and first hand experience. My baby's father went to the NICU every day after he made his rounds with his own patients ,and my baby did not suffer from that exposure as well.

Just concentrate on doing what your doctor is recommending ,and try not to anticipate or borrow trouble that is not currently a part of your experience. Both you and your baby will do well.

@BungleandGeorge when pandemic first kicked off re having Covid. That was a while ago now.

Me and partner are vaccinated up to our eye balls, DD is too young for Covid shot and DSD is 12 and the ex and HB have some differing opinions on the vaccine (he's pro, she's not) she's the resident primary care giver.

@Youseethethingis I don't have any words that are good enough but ok so sorry about the loss of your baby 💐 DH knows my thoughts as I have had a similar experience to you but he has not so still has that element of it can't be me/won't be me. God I miss that way of thinking.

@SpaceshiptoMars maybe it's a trust thing or just what he's advising due to nature of thing. I have no idea but im sure it will change and change again and I will just follow their lead. I'm not sure why people keep mentioning the nhs website like I can't read or like I didn't just get told by a actual nhs consultant what he would advise on my specific case.

@Pinkyxx thank you I hope baby is doing well now ? Yes MW has said similar actually and all the various consultants I have seen. It's funny I feel like I'm about to try and run up a cliff face with no climbing gear and blindfolded. It's really helpful to hear about people making it to the top

@Tattler2 I'm glad your children thrived after what sounds like a difficult pregnancy/post birth. See now I could print off a letter from consultant and show her but I really am not sure she will be as accepting on this v specific topic. Her risk is not mine and that is a problem in this situation.

Totally reasonable. I’d offer dsd two options- stay with her mum and miss contact for 10 days, or stay with you guys for 10 days and not go to school or anywhere, if her mum lets her. mum and prob dsd also will say no but at least mum can’t claim your partner didn’t try to parent . I’m usually dads still need to parent their first lot of kids in these scenarios but this scenario really does need some special consideration, and you’re distancing from your own dd. I hope things turn out best case for baby

The difference is that my pregnancy and baby were absolutely perfect until I became suddenly catastrophically unwell. Your DH knows your baby is struggling. He really needs to think about relative harm to both his children of either decision. I can't see that missing contact with DSD (doesn't her mother ever take her on holiday?) would result in more harm than potentially missing out on his sick baby's birth.

@candlelightsatdawn my own dd is 12 and I had a baby end of July. Leading up to this I had several important hospital appointments checking on ds wellbeing as I was high risk. As I couldn't attend these appointments with Covid and with Covid being rife at the end of the summer term I decided (and my ex husband agreed) that it would be better for all if she didn't finish the last few days at term as I didn't want to give birth alone nor have her poorly with Covid and a new baby in the house. She got it she was upset about not seeing out the summer term and having to miss some celebrations with her friends but she got it. Even the pastoral lead in her school got it and authorised the absence.

My DP doesn't speak with his ex so called his dd school to explain and asked that they inform him of any covid in the school and if she had been in contact we would have passed on contact.

You and your baby are the most vulnerable and needy at this time. Your plans are fine. The ex may feel like her nose has been out of joint but just ignore it. You and your baby are priority here and your dsd at 12 will understand that. I really hope everything goes well for you and your family xxx

I don't have children but have had times of being severely immunocompromised and have been having treatment for stage 4 cancer since Covid began.
Like you I really wish I was in the 'it won't/can't be me" group but unfortunately once that ship has sailed it's gone for good.
I have had the negative comments and reactions of people who believe me to be overreacting on doctors advice and to be honest in some cases it has changed what were previously strong relationships.
Ultimately you have to do what is best for your baby, it is brilliant that your DSD is so practical minded as if you explain it to her first she will have a clear understanding and is less likely to buy into her mother's more emotional sniping.
I wish you all the best of luck 🍀
I know it's hard but try your best to rest as much as possible and eat as well as you can.

Just to give you a bit of reassurance I’ve an op coming up and it’s 3 days in the letter as long as you’re vaccinated. Good luck x

Id isolate yourself and let the other children see their dad. It’s not their choice for you to add to the family during a pandemic so they shouldn’t have to be excluded for ten days.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Id isolate yourself and let the other children see their dad. It’s not their choice for you to add to the family during a pandemic so they shouldn’t have to be excluded for ten days.

Of course you think that 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I think the kind of people that genuinely think uninterrupted contact with a child you have a lifetime with, out of principle, is more important than trying to protect the real, human life of a new baby are so blinkered they simply have not thought it through at all. I cannot imagine that anyone in a million years could genuinely set their priorities that way.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss 🙄 you clearly haven't read the specifics of the or frankly you think that a potentially dead baby is ok.

Sigh

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Id isolate yourself and let the other children see their dad. It’s not their choice for you to add to the family during a pandemic so they shouldn’t have to be excluded for ten days.

The unborn child didn't choose to have stepsiblings or be a high risk pregnancy.

It's a short time in the DSC's life they'll be fine

I think it is a long time to be away from your own preschooler DD. I wouldn't do it.