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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Names for step-grandma

36 replies

TGLucie · 02/08/2021 05:02

My partner's step-mum was never the nicest to him and made comments like 'I won't be a grandma until my own children have kids'. That has stuck with my partner and he was adamant that she wouldn't be called grandma and that his own Mum has earns that title (Well, Nanna).

I feel bad for her because she seems totally different now that we have our baby, her first 'grandchild' and she absolutely adores him!

She's going to be a special person in his life for sure and I feel like she needs her own special name that isn't grandma as my partner feels that would be disrespectful to his Mum.

Gahh!!! Such an awkward situation but would appreciate your recommendations for cute names or if you've been in a similar situation, what did you do?!

OP posts:

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Faultymain5 · 02/08/2021 05:11

My mother’s step mum, who was fine until her favourite daughter had her first grandchild, was called “aunty first name”. Every young person called her that. In our culture no elder is called by their first name as it’s disrespectful. It’s always Aunty or Miss (even when they’re Mrs).

TBH based on my experience I’d be wary of anyone who makes that kind of statement.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/08/2021 05:15

Just her first name.

sashh · 02/08/2021 05:45

I was going to say Aunty but some children have granny/grandma x and granny/grandma Y.

I had a Nana and a grandma. My grandma was renamed by her great grand children as GranGran

My brothers children have Grandma and Grandad and Granny and Pops.

Would your dh be OK with Nan or Nana?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/08/2021 05:45

How about Granny Susan or whatever her first name is?

Celticdawn5 · 02/08/2021 06:04

I’m a step grandma and never expected to be called grandma/nana/whatever and am just called by my name.

Celticdawn5 · 02/08/2021 06:07

Tbh I didn’t really want that responsibility of being their Grandma unlike the person in question so would agree with PP about being Granny/nanny /her name

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 02/08/2021 06:12

First name or Aunty Firstname, but it’s your DH’s call I think.

AdriannaP · 02/08/2021 06:13

Just her name is fine. She wasn’t nice to your partner why should she have a title.

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 02/08/2021 06:13

Grandma/Nan/nana etc I used to know an elderly lady who I called nanny who certainly wasn’t my nanny but was a grandmother figure to me. I don’t see the ‘grandmother’ names in the same way as the word ‘mum’ which is special. If you’re both happy for her to have a name then go for it.

clickychicky · 02/08/2021 06:15

Just call her by her name? Or granny (name). I wouldn't call her aunty it will confuse things.

AnotherEmma · 02/08/2021 06:38

Children have more than one grandmother and grandfather so I don't see the harm in step-grandparents being called grandma/grandad or a variation. Ideally they would have different names ie grandma / granny / nanny / nanna (or something else) to avoid confusion.

She could have a lovely relationship with your child and I would support that for the child's sake, although I do sympathise with him, because if she was not a loving step-parent it must be difficult for him to see her playing the doting grandparent.

How old was he when his father and stepmother got together?

polkadotpixie · 02/08/2021 06:41

My DH's stepdad is Grandad [first name] to our DS

AuntieMarys · 02/08/2021 06:44

I'm a step grandmother ( married dh when children were both 30 plus) and I am just called by my name. Fine by me. The other 2 grandmothers practically fought over who was to be Main Nana, and are still playing top trumps nana 5 years on. Luckily we never see them .

AnotherEmma · 02/08/2021 07:00

I do think it makes a difference when the father and stepmother got together.

My dad and stepmum got married when I was in primary school, so she's been in my life since I was a young child and she's my third parent - I would never call her mum because I have a mum, but she is important to me. So it was a no brainer to me that she would be a grandmother to my children.

If my dad had met and married someone when I was already an adult and no longer spent time living with him, his new wife wouldn't be my stepmother, I would just refer to her as "dad's wife" not my stepmum, and she wouldn't be a grandmother to my children.

EccentricaGalumbits · 02/08/2021 07:07

My father remarried, as did my grandmother and my kids and I refer to our step-grandparents by their first name.

They were never actual step parents though - both married into the family when the adult children were grown up.

bluecarry · 02/08/2021 07:18

My maternal grandparents both remarried long before I was born, I had grandad and granny name on one side and granny and grandad name on the other. In my experience, coming from a very, erm blended wider family (my DM has siblings, half siblings and step siblings) it doesn't hugely matter what title is applied or what the bloodlines are, children develop good relationships with the people who are present and who put in the effort. Regardless of what I called anyone, it was very apparent to me even as a young child who was close and involved.

I've been nc with my F since my teens, my DD has never met him. DD is very close to my stepdad and always just calls him grandad, but guess it would be different if my F was around.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 02/08/2021 07:52

What are the grandfathers called? And do you or does she have any connections to other languages?

I know a poppy and the step granny is poppette.

There is also a nanna/nanny who has remarried and her partner (who doesn’t have any Italian heritage that I know of) is nonno.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 02/08/2021 07:53

Call her by her name

BruceAndNosh · 02/08/2021 07:59

What is your husband's father called?
Could he be Grandpa Fred and his wife Granny Fred?
Makes clear that her status is based on being his wife.

Their are plenty of not-quite-grandparent names around.
My friend suggested she be referred to as Gaga!

gogohm · 02/08/2021 08:11

My children call the step grandparents by their name. They have 4 actual grandparents who get the normal titles, don't need extra special names. In our. case my exh wasn't brought up by the new spouses so he uses first name too

30degreesandmeltinghere · 02/08/2021 08:17

My sm was dgm first name. Quite invested despite not liking dc and had none of her own.
She turned 40 and decided she wasn't a dgm..
Dumped my 4 dc under 7...
Sadly df followed soon after. Absolutely no back story..

careerchangeperhaps · 02/08/2021 08:27

My DC have step grandparents. They are called Grandpa John and Nanny Carol whereas their 'real' grandparents are just Grandma / Grandpa / Nana etc.
So we have a Grandma and Grandpa John and a Grandad and Nanny Carol.

ifchocolatewerrcelery · 02/08/2021 08:37

My gran divorced then remarried when her children had grown up so they called their 'stepfather' by his first name and so we, the grandchildren, did the same. Stepfather in inverted commas as they'd nearly all married and had kids of their own by the time she remarried so did not consider him a dad.

AlmostSummer21 · 02/08/2021 08:52

Sometimes people aren't very good parents/step parents, but are great grandparents. Without the responsibility of being the parents, emotionally & financially, people can be very different.

People also say stupid/hurtful things, it doesn't mean that 20 years later they think/believe the same things.

I'd let his Mum choose her 'name' Nana/Grandma/Granny/Whatever first then once your mum & his mum have their chosen names ask her what she'd like to be called (if it's the same thing as his mum, just tell her and make other suggestions).

It's time, SD sn adult snd father, to concentrate on the future, not the past, she's being a great 'grandmother' & that's what DH needs to focus on for his child & to some extent his relationship with his Dad. None of that takes away from his mum.

Maybe he needs to talk to his SM and tell her how her comments still hurt & try to clear the air.

FinallyHere · 02/08/2021 12:44

Just the name is fine, no need to stress about whether they have 'earned' a special title. I love my step grandchildren dearly , do what I can for them and put their interests firsts.

I do it mostly because I love my DH.

Before they were born there was some much discussion about who would be called what. They have themselves produced names for their grand parents, each of whom have a new partner, known simply by their name.

No issues at all. Hurrah.

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