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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Car gift for 18th

37 replies

mommabear2386 · 21/07/2021 10:32

So just something that came up today.. I have been gifted my late fathers car so my own car (1.2 megane) now needs to be sold as I still owe £1500 on it. I had the idea that we can speak to my SS mum about us all possibly giving it to SS for his 18th (end or august) rather than sell it.

She's refusing however to spilt any money with us to pay it off and gift to SS however saying as we already own it it's up to us if we want to give it him or not... my SS Has now been told this also by BM and thinks it's a done deal.

Now a friend of the family has offered to buy it for £1650 which would clear and leave me profit.

We've tried to explain that he's going to need a car soon anyway so why don't we just do this?? I think it would be ok for him to insure too. Which we've said we'll help with.

I've recent lost £500 a month going part time and working and really don't want to have to keep up car payment for over a year!

My dh is saying we just explain to SS that mum won't agree to half it so we have to sell it but I'm torn on what to do!

OP posts:

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bloodywhitecat · 21/07/2021 10:44

You can't afford to give him the car so sell one of them, use the money to clear the debt and buy SS something else for his 18th. A car is a lovely gift but only if you can afford it.

Magda72 · 21/07/2021 11:10

No 18 year old needs a car in my opinion. You dh has said it's ok not to give him this so I'd stick with that.

Whatinthelord · 21/07/2021 13:50

Sell it maybe give him half the money to go toward savings for a car if thats what he wants. Maybe she had another gift in mind or can’t afford to contribute towards half the cost of the car?

Greenwateringcan · 21/07/2021 13:52

I wouldn’t be paying half your car off for you either tbh.

Notaroadrunner · 21/07/2021 13:57

His mother has made her position clear so let that be the end of it. Sell your car and keep your money.

Chunkymenrock · 21/07/2021 13:57

I think it's very indulgent to just give a car to an 18 year old tbh. Way too much, too soon.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2021 13:58

Just sell it.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 14:00

Why does he need a car imminently? As hes already passed his test, presumably, is he saving up for one?

Sell the car, clear the debt.

The DH buys him a present he can afford / you contribute as per usual arrangements.

You could offer him the cash into savings for a future car

funinthesun19 · 21/07/2021 14:33

If I had the two options you have got, I would definitely pick selling it over falling over myself to gift it to a dsc. You will also have £1650 in profit which could be used for something else. You won’t have that if you give the car to him.

KylieKoKo · 21/07/2021 15:11

Your DSS's mum has a nerve offering your stuff to her son as a present. The car isn't hers to offer. Sell it and let her but her son a car if she wants him to have one.

Original poster

mommabear2386 · 21/07/2021 15:17

Thanks all, yes I think we'll just sell. I know it's indulgent but it's just fell at a good time birthday wise, he's about half way through lessons but lacks confidence so my thinking was a car of his own will be good for him as an incentive ( I had one given to me when I passed so it might be that)
He's working so can afford to chip in and cover fuel / insurance etc and we only asked mum to pay £500/£600 we would pay the rest off because to be honest it's a safer well serviced looked after car than he would ever before to afford otherwise and I wasn't asking for it all upfront monthly would of done but I do understand why she would maybe see it as paying off my car... guess we'll see what happens when he passes!

OP posts:

Uramaki · 21/07/2021 19:45

First bit, fair enough. 2nd bit mum shouldn't have told him. But never mind. Just be honest and say you can't afford it so are selling it to your mate. DH can buy something if he wants to.

girlmom21 · 21/07/2021 19:52

If SS earns why not give him the opportunity to pay £500 for the car instead?

Original poster

mommabear2386 · 21/07/2021 23:21

That's not a bad idea... I might offer him the opportunity but he needs to stick to it, might be a bit much with his other bills but I guess that's grown up life isn't it!

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 21/07/2021 23:24

Sell the car, seems very easy!
Does his step mum definitely have 500? She might not.

timeisnotaline · 21/07/2021 23:24

His mum sorry

Undertheoldlindentree · 21/07/2021 23:34

For an 18 year old new driver, insurance is likely to be sky-high on a 1.2 engine. It might not look it if you've checked as a learner driver, the quote for that is lower as he has an experienced driver in the car with him. Once he passes his test snd is driving on his own, the insurance can shoot up. Most new drivers go for a car below 1 litre for this reason. I would take the £1650 offer and your DH make a totally separate decision on giving him cash towards a lower powered car.

vivainsomnia · 22/07/2021 10:13

Why is mum refusing? Because she doesn't have the money? Because she doesn't think he needs a car now or in the near future? Because she doesn't think he needs a car of that value? Or because she loathes the idea that she is contributing towards the sale of your car, even though you would make a loss with the offer.

If the latter, she is really silly. Buying a car for an 18yo that you know the provenance of and that it has been well cared for is a blessing and she should be grateful. If however she thinks it's a luxury he doesn't need and she doesn't really have the money to spend, then it's fair enough she says no.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/07/2021 10:17

I’m not surprised his mum said no, you going part time is a financial decision you made not her so why should she have to pay because you want the loan gone.
If your DH would rather sell the car then gift to his child he can tell him that. Unfair to say his mum won’t pay towards it so he can’t have it as it’s not her fault.

5475878237NC · 23/07/2021 10:27

Buying a second hand car for a child (unless you live in a city) is common I'd have thought not indulgent at all. If they work or study then can pay for their own up keep and insurance. It's her right to say no to contributing to this though.

Original poster

mommabear2386 · 23/07/2021 12:34

I think she may part see it as luxury but she also think we should just give it to him and absorb the remaining cost which is too high and frankly there's no way we can afford to contribute that amount to the other two children on their 18 birthdays.

Her reasoning was when she upgraded her phone she passed it to one of the kids, not the same at all! If the car was paid off fully we would just give it to him but sadly it's not. She has since suggested he gets my dads car as that's already paid and I keep my old one which has pissed me off so much the whole offer is off the table.

DS is a little sad but understands the situation

OP posts:

Guavafish · 23/07/2021 13:00

I think sale the car… don’t be in debt. If he is working, he can save towards a car he wants once he passes his driving test. Birthday gift? Money towards a car .. if you can afford it.

aSofaNearYou · 23/07/2021 14:43

@mommabear2386

DS is a little sad but understands the situation

Gosh she's being incredibly cheeky about all this! Time to just sell the car and put an end to it, I would say.

2pinkginsplease · 23/07/2021 14:50

Definitely sell the car.

vivainsomnia · 23/07/2021 15:54

Sell the car, give the child some money for his 18th, mum can do the same, and he can decide what to get with what he has and what he can contribute towards it.

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