We have not told DSD's we are expecting I am now 7 months along

Carperhull1 · 2021-05-18T10:41:49+00:00

Hi everyone. I am 7 months pregnant with my first and have two DSD's and a Hubby. We found out we were pregnant and were elated. However, at the same time the ex and hubby fell out spectacularly and for some reason I got dragged into the mess through insults etc. The ex said she hopes I can never have kids and that our baby will be a half breed ( I am of mixed heritage and I found that very insulting) I was at the time in early stages of pregnancy she didn't know this. Due to the messages and insults. I chose to withhold the information. I want peace and nothing negative around me. My husband agreed as well as only communicating through email she is blocked. We haven't told DSD either. They honestly must think I'm over eating and I'm luck I am not very large. I'm not 7 months and strange as it is , it feels harder to tell them , when is the right time for instance. Hubby is wanting to tell them this weekend but I'm so anxious. I think I like it too much being our secret.

Atalantea · 18/05/2021 11:43

so you have been seeing DSD regularly, you're 7 months pg, and they dont know??

WaterBottle123 · 18/05/2021 11:46

Your husband should have stood up to you really and insisted on telling his daughter sooner. Tell her this weekend. Think about how you will reassure her that she won't lose her place in the family. And get your husband to work on a more mature relationship with his ex, he can't be an effective co-parent otherwise

Leonardsgirl · 18/05/2021 11:57

How old are his children?

namechangingforthis19586 · 18/05/2021 12:03

What a horrible thing for her to say. I can understand why you don't want others to know about the pregnancy as the last thing you need to hear is more of that.

I would let your partner deal with it now and make it clear to everyone that you don't want to hear a word of negativity or criticism-they can air their bad blood in a different place away from you and then behave themselves when they see you.

Atalantea · 18/05/2021 12:12

@namechangingforthis19586

What a horrible thing for her to say. I can understand why you don't want others to know about the pregnancy as the last thing you need to hear is more of that.

I would let your partner deal with it now and make it clear to everyone that you don't want to hear a word of negativity or criticism-they can air their bad blood in a different place away from you and then behave themselves when they see you.

Yes - ex said horrible things, but the DC? why shouldn't they know a half sibling is coming?

DH will be wondering why they dont want to see him/op when they grow up if this is indicative of how they are treated

ALevelhelp · 18/05/2021 12:12

Blimey what a nasty piece of work your husbands ex is .

Personally I'd tell his daughter soon, it may take her a little while to get her head around it so nicer to give that chance to sink in (hopefully she'll be delighted!) before baby is born

Good luck with the baby x

idontlikealdi · 18/05/2021 12:14

You need to tell them ASAP. How old are they that they haven't noticed?

KylieKoKo · 18/05/2021 12:16

DSDs mum's sound horrible. I am also of mixed heritage so I completely understand why you have kept it quiet when you have had comments like that. I think posters immediately jumping on for not saying anything probably haven't experienced racism like that and don't understand quite how it feels to hear stuff like that.

That being said I think you do need to tell DSD soon. How old is she? If she's quite little she might not question the timing.

I think that before you tell her you should make sure that her mum is blocked from contacting you in any way and get your dp to deal with the backlash. You don't need it in your life.

INeedNewShoes · 18/05/2021 12:20

Two months isn't very long for the DSD's to get their heads around a huge change to their family dynamic. I'd say the sooner the better!

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2021 12:21

Well you know you can’t have a secret baby and this is your child’s half sibling so the sooner you tell now the better for everyone involved.

nimbuscloud · 18/05/2021 12:21

Wow.

UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2021 12:22

You definitely need to tell them soon although I can understand why you have been reluctant to do this so far.

NutellaEllaElla · 18/05/2021 12:25

Christ, keeping this a secret was a bad idea. Don't delay it any more. I feel sorry for his kids being stuck in the middle of all this.

Zzelda · 18/05/2021 12:29

I think I like it too much being our secret.

No matter how much you like it, you know that it will inevitably stop being a secret anyway in two months' time. It would be desperately unfair to the stepchildren to leave it any later, and will make relatively little difference to you.

Hallyup6 · 18/05/2021 12:33

Poor kids. Part of the excitement of having a baby is that they can share in the joy of expecting a sibling. They must be very young to have not noticed, unless your partner is a deadbeat dad and doesn't see them. You have no baby stuff around the house? Kids are incredibly perceptive. I'm not surprised his ex is annoyed if you treat her children like that.

SamMil · 18/05/2021 12:36

Yes, you have to tell them ASAP. It's not fair to keep a major life event hidden from them, just because their mother is not nice.

KylieKoKo · 18/05/2021 12:36

@Hallyup6

Poor kids. Part of the excitement of having a baby is that they can share in the joy of expecting a sibling. They must be very young to have not noticed, unless your partner is a deadbeat dad and doesn't see them. You have no baby stuff around the house? Kids are incredibly perceptive. I'm not surprised his ex is annoyed if you treat her children like that.

@Hallyup6 You think that it's understandable for his ex to refer to the OP's child as half-breed and be racist to her child's potential sibling?Wow!

UhtredRagnarson · 18/05/2021 12:36

Well they need to be told and the later you leave it the harder it will be for the DC to adjust in time for the baby being born. Tell the this weekend.

ALevelhelp · 18/05/2021 12:38

@Hallyup6

Poor kids. Part of the excitement of having a baby is that they can share in the joy of expecting a sibling. They must be very young to have not noticed, unless your partner is a deadbeat dad and doesn't see them. You have no baby stuff around the house? Kids are incredibly perceptive. I'm not surprised his ex is annoyed if you treat her children like that.

Erm.. nothing justifies her behaviour

ShaneTheThird · 18/05/2021 12:41

How old are the kids?

aSofaNearYou · 18/05/2021 12:43

You should totally block the ex, tell your partner not to pass along any aggro from her, and tell DSD asap.

Atalantea · 18/05/2021 12:43

You think that it's understandable for his ex to refer to the OP's child as half-breed and be racist to her child's potential sibling?Wow!

No one thinks that is acceptable, but its not acceptable to keep a huge secret from DH DC - how old are they??

SandyCane · 18/05/2021 12:45

Have you kept it a secret from everyone or just his kids, as that's a risky game.

My dd found out her dad was getting married from someone else talking about it on Facebook. You can imagine how that went down!

Crispychillibeef · 18/05/2021 12:46

I can't believe you've kept it from the kids for this long - that's not fair and I'd be hurt if I were them. Fuck what his ex has said!

Moondust001 · 18/05/2021 12:47

@Hallyup6

Poor kids. Part of the excitement of having a baby is that they can share in the joy of expecting a sibling. They must be very young to have not noticed, unless your partner is a deadbeat dad and doesn't see them. You have no baby stuff around the house? Kids are incredibly perceptive. I'm not surprised his ex is annoyed if you treat her children like that.

How on earth did you get to a deadbeat dad and stupid children from a vicious and nasty ex? The OP is not treating her step children "like anything" - she is understandably worried about totally unacceptable abuse that has already been directed at her and may be directed again. I would be far more worried about the impact the the ex has on the children than that of the OP - who would want to see children grow up around that sort of language and influence?