What do step kids call you?

[Whowhat]

I'm dating a guy who is a single Dad, if all continues to go well I'll soon be meeting his kids. We were discussing what they should call me. Do your step-kids address you by your first name?

As opposed to what?

Yes mine did. Why what else would they call you?

Yeah, just use your first name?

What were the other options? They refer to me as their dad's wife or stepmum if they need to to other people but I don't dictate that it's whatever they want to call me.

@Whowhat what is there really to discuss? why would they not call you by your name?
To other people I’m sure they’ll refer to you as “dads girlfriend”.

Were you thinking they should call you Ms/Mr Whowhat like a teacher? That is very formal.

I insisted they call me mother.

My name. What else would they call me?

By my name of course

They just call me by My name,

Ugh, please don’t say you were contemplating (or worse, your partner was contemplating) making them call you some bastardised version of mum or mummy. The fact that he even had a conversation about what they should call you is a red flag, he shouldn’t consider having them call you anything but your first name. Nor should you.

Yeah, just my first name. Can't imagine what else there could be?

Question came because while there are endless words for gran/granny/nan/grandma and there is use of "auntie" for young children to use for close adult family friends. But there isn't a word for young children to use for "mum-but-not-my-real-mum".

Why on earth are you thinking about them calling you a mum type word? You haven't even met them yet? You're currently a stranger to them? This is awful

You haven't even met them, there is no need for anything relating to mum! Your name is fine.

@Whowhat

Question came because while there are endless words for gran/granny/nan/grandma and there is use of "auntie" for young children to use for close adult family friends. But there isn't a word for young children to use for "mum-but-not-my-real-mum".

But you aren't any version of their mum. You are just their dads girlfriend, nothing really to them.

First name is fine, I would have gone absolutely mad as a child if someone had suggested I called my mums husband anything other than his name.

Why would you want to force yourself into some kind of role in the life of these children who you have never met?

@Whowhat

Question came because while there are endless words for gran/granny/nan/grandma and there is use of "auntie" for young children to use for close adult family friends. But there isn't a word for young children to use for "mum-but-not-my-real-mum".

My dh has raised my 2 from a very young age, they are now both adults, they call him by his first name because that's what he's called. Just out of interest, how long have you been with your dp and how often does he see his dc?

@Whowhat

Question came because while there are endless words for gran/granny/nan/grandma and there is use of "auntie" for young children to use for close adult family friends. But there isn't a word for young children to use for "mum-but-not-my-real-mum".

Knew it. Grim, grim, grim. Both of you. Poor kids.

@Whowhat I’m sorry, but the fact you haven’t even met then yet and you and their dad have discussed “mum but not my real mum” names is terrifying 😳 how long have you been dating their dad? And how old are the children?

See this is what worries me. Ex flies through OLD women and one day there will be that random women who is gagging to be called mum by someone else’s kids.

You both need to grow up

Your first name. It would be weird and inappropriate to suggest anything else.

By my name
Like @thatismypotato said if hes talking to other people it's my step mum but this started happening a couple of years downs the line.
How old is the child. DSS was 2 when I met him so he didnt really have a concept of adult relationships so I was just a friend.

I've been with dh 10 years exh has been with his wife 11 years both of our dc call our partners by their first names

Mum-but-not-mum? Seriously. Depending on old they are they might not even need to know you’re the girlfriend, just dad’s friend.

Mum... but not really mum? Are you joking? You’ve not even met the kids yet.
The name for mum but not even remotely in any way like a mum, which is you right now, is your name.
Don’t put so much pressure on this, it’s far too early and it’s not fair on the children.