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Original poster

What do step kids call you?

79 replies

Whowhat · 16/05/2021 00:41

I'm dating a guy who is a single Dad, if all continues to go well I'll soon be meeting his kids. We were discussing what they should call me. Do your step-kids address you by your first name?

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toucantoucaninatree · 16/05/2021 09:31

By your first name, and then over time it bay evolve into something else but that has to be completely child-led. Is their mum involved?

Dollyparton3 · 16/05/2021 09:31

Seriously? I've been with my DH for 8 years now, married for 3 and I'm just "Dolly" to one of my SC and "that bitch" to the other.

I wouldn't get ahead of yourself with excitement luv, there's no trophies that go along with the title, although some of us deserve a medal

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/05/2021 09:42

Don’t be ridiculous.

How long have you been seeing him? Why the rush to meet them? How old are they?

They should call you by your name.

You haven’t been together long, you don’t live with him. You’re the woman he’s currently dating. That’s all they need to know.

BingeOnChocolate · 16/05/2021 09:58

Been in DSDs life since she was 3 and she's now 7. She's always called me by my name although after my brother visited - he lives abroad - she started calling me by a nickname that he has for me. My full name only now gets used by her when somethings troubling her and she wants to talk. Odd time she's called me mum when we are out doing something or at her activities.

FishyFriday · 16/05/2021 09:59

I can't imagine wanting them to call me anything other than Fishy. That'd be very weird indeed.

excelledyourself · 16/05/2021 10:02

Two weeks ago you were posting for engagement ring advice Hmm

BingeOnChocolate · 16/05/2021 10:03

Just seen your update over mum but not mum. That's unfair on the child/ren and you should never refer/introduce yourself as this to strangers especially whilst the children are there. You are currently Dads friend/girlfriend depending on the age of the children and that is all. You've not even met them or anything yet!! I didn't meet my DSD for 12 months into my relationship with her dad as we wanted to a make sure we were more than just a few month fling as people coming and going from children's lives is impressionable!

CoffeeAndCaramel · 16/05/2021 10:04

Please tell me your joking? This is appalling 🤦‍♀️

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/05/2021 10:08

@excelledyourself

Two weeks ago you were posting for engagement ring advice Hmm
What the fuck.
Newmumtobeee · 16/05/2021 10:09

By your name. If you stay in their lives for the foreseeable future and you eventually get married or whatnot, the step children will decide whether they want to call you anything more.

Cotswoldmama · 16/05/2021 10:20

I always just used their first name. My dad had a lot of girlfriends over the years and I always just called them their name. I think if they are really young maybe naturally they might come up with something to call you themselves maybe a nickname. Maybe a term of endearment but I don't think it should be suggested my you.

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 10:20

They will call you what they like naturally. You haven't even met them and are already seeing yourself as "mum but not really mum". Slow down if you want the relationship with them to work. It will develop at it's own pace. I would be worried if he is the one associating "mum" type names with you that he will be expecting you to be in the sort of additional mother role with all the housework etc this may involve.

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 10:22

Meet the children first. Go slowly. Don't get engaged yet, it's far too soon to know if you will be happy in the stepmum role.

EnoughnowIthink · 16/05/2021 10:31

You’ve not even met them and are expecting to be called something like ‘mum’? Are you for real?

Your boundaries are fucked. Well and truly fucked.

Sillysandy · 16/05/2021 10:34

This is utterly ridiculous and you should not be meeting them at all if you can't see that.

SimonJT · 16/05/2021 11:15

You aren’t a step parent, you haven’t met them and you’re not married. You’re a stranger, they may ignore you, they may call you nothing at all.

My son calls my husband by his name, he does sometimes call him Daddy in which case my husband would normally correct him by saying something like “what am I really called?”.

Namechangedforthistoday · 16/05/2021 11:25

@Dollyparton3

Seriously? I've been with my DH for 8 years now, married for 3 and I'm just "Dolly" to one of my SC and "that bitch" to the other.

I wouldn't get ahead of yourself with excitement luv, there's no trophies that go along with the title, although some of us deserve a medal

@Dollyparton3 that’s appalling one of your strep children refers to you as that bitch. Do you not have your dh’s support to nip that appalling behaviour in the bud?
aSofaNearYou · 16/05/2021 11:33

My SS calls me by my name, and tells everyone (who will listen) that I'm his step mummy, so he does use that title like he might use auntie etc. He quite often slips up and calls me mummy and always has, but this is something that for obvious reasons actual mum's tend to hate so I would strongly advise against deliberately encouraging it.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 16/05/2021 11:34

You sound like hard work - you're not their mum because you've hooked up with the dad for all of five minutes. Chill out.

User1357 · 16/05/2021 11:37

By your first name!

scrivette · 16/05/2021 11:46

DSS doesn't really remember me not being in his life but has always called me by my first name which I think is normal.

When younger if he was out with us and people referred to me as his 'Mum' he was happy for people to just assume it but would never have called me it.

Dollyparton3 · 16/05/2021 11:52

@Namechangedforthistoday the SD in question is now an adult so when she called me that my DH told her that wasn't acceptable and she told him to choose between him or me. He told her to come back to him when she's ready to behave in an acceptable way to everyone.

We've not seen or heard from her for 6 months now.

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 16/05/2021 11:52

My son's step mum has been in his life since around 18months old. He's now 12.

Despite the fact she's a brilliant parent to him and I couldn't ask for someone nicer to help bring him up, she's always been called by her first name.
I don't think she would want to be called anything else though I've never asked and he's never slipped up by accident in my presence.
Years ago his dad did try getting him to call her 'mummy Joan' (not real name) but I soon stopped that.

I know her older son calls my ex 'dad' but that's their own relationship and it must work for them though I find it strange and wonder what his actual dad thinks of it.

I can understand a step parent being in a child's life from young where it's the only other parent they've known being called mum or dad, and families come in all shapes and sizes so each to their own. Just not in mine, no matter what I think of his step mum.

MajorNeville · 16/05/2021 11:55

My stepdd is 22, I've been in her life for nearly all of those years and she lived with us for a few of them, she still calls me by my first name. You can still have a responsible adult role in someone's life no matter what they call you.

ALevelhelp · 16/05/2021 12:18

Bloody hell OP

My DH has known DS since he was 2, 15 years later we've been living as a family for 14 years. Ex has always taken a back seat role (his choice), so DH has done a lot of the "Dad" stuff.

He's still just known as his first name, what else would he be?! When DS was very young he used to have funny nicknames for DH, but nothing Dad related.

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