Really pissed off at DP

[SpongebobNoPants]

DP and I are going to meet the puppy on Saturday with a view to adopt. We’ll only be gone for 20 mins tops (meeting locally) and I asked him not to tell the kids what we’re doing because

1. I don’t want them coming when we first go to meet her because I want to check she gets on with our other dog and what we think of her. New puppy is a rescue dog and I’m not yet sure of her temperament.

1. If we don’t think she’s the right fit I don’t want the kids to know in case they get upset and it’ll be a disappointment.

1. SD12’s mum promises her a puppy every other month and she rings us all excited telling us what she’s going to name it, what breed etc but then the dog never materialises which I think is cruel. Mum knows she’s doing this as she often pipes up during the conversations and tells us herself.

I was worried if we told SD about this puppy and then it didn’t happen for whatever reason then we are essentially building her hopes up and not following through just like her mum does.

1. SD will nag the life out of us about the puppy until we’re finally able to collect it and I would rather it was a surprise for all the kids.

1. My DS is with his dad this weekend and I don’t think it’s fair for the other children to meet the dog until he is here too. Blended families are a minefield and we purposely waited to collect our other dog from the rescue shelter to coincide with a day SD was here so none of the kids were left out as it is such an exciting, memorable moment.

1. If we do accept the dog for adoption then we wouldn’t be collecting her until Wednesday anyway as I work in the office on Mondays & Tuesdays so at least if we get her on Weds she’s got until Monday morning at home before she’s left with my mum so she’s not unsettled.

I wanted SD12 to come for dinner on Weds and have her surprised with my DCs.

BUT DP didn’t fucking listen and told SD which resulted in her royally kicking off that we’re going to see the puppy without her.

She’s being sulky, rude and outwardly hostile. I predicted this would happen and specifically and clearly asked DP not to tell any of the children, I’m particular SD12 because I knew she’d kick off about not being able to come and it’s ruined what should have been a nice surprise for all the children.

He had to go and be a bloody Disney dad and get in there first and tell her. He was sneaky and waited until he was out of the house and called her.

He’s overrode mutually decided agreements twice this week and I’m so fucking angry with him. I was right about what would result from these things both times and now he’s in a mood with me because I was right.

Why the fuck do these men behave like this??? I honestly sometimes feel like I’m the only one trying to keep the harmony and peace in this blended family. And it’s made even harder when your opinions and requests are completely disregarded!!!

Oh and today is my DD’s 11th birthday and Botha SDs have now decided they’re going out after school and won’t be coming to DD’s birthday meal which I think is really rude.

DP is fine with it and is even picking them up / dropping them off so probably won’t be coming either.

Happy fucking Friday everyone!

What a fucking useless manchild he is.

I'd be raging OP.

Thank you. I just need to vent

How long have you been with this twat?

As he can't act like an adult I'd be seriously considering ending it. For your DC's sake as much as your own.

I'm not surprised your angry. He doesn't get to completely over ride what you've discussed and do whatever he wants, which has now backfired in a very predictable way, just because he wants a bit of glory with his kids.

Did you confront him about any of this? What was his response?

His DDs not coming to the birthday meal is rude and he should be saying that they have made a commitment and it's not on to just not bother with it, instead he's allowing them to be rude to your DD and he's even encouraged and facilitated it!

Does he really see your family as a blended family or is his separate family and your separate family in a house? As from the example you've given I'd be inclined to agree that you're the one striving for a harmonic blended family and he is not seeing that as important at all nor is he respecting your family and how his behaviour is impacting on everyone.

He’s not normally like this... we’ve been together nearly 6 years. I have no idea what the fuck is up with him this week but I’m really cross!

I’d be pressed at him as well and would lay it down in black and white

Pissed not pressed

Does he really see your family as a blended family or is his separate family and your separate family in a house? As from the example you've given I'd be inclined to agree that you're the one striving for a harmonic blended family and he is not seeing that as important at all nor is he respecting your family and how his behaviour is impacting on everyone

We live together and are due to be married in a couple of months. Yes for the most part we blend pretty well, although we don’t force the kids together. I mostly look after mine and he his but we care for all 4 kids and help each other out if needed.

He isn’t normally like this but we’ve had his eldest playing games about coming to visit. I posted recently about them trying to hold us to ransom (which DM is encouraging) so I think it’s stemmed from that.

I’m really angry with him now though as the dog situation has painted me as the wicked stepmother as I’ve said no, all the kids meet the puppy when we collect her. But because DP had told SD she could come too after we agreed not to have the girls there without my DS it now looks like baddie.

Like I’m the baddie*

God I feel pissed off for you reading this, he seems to be on a roll lately. I'd be telling him straight that him doing this has really ruined your DDs birthday party, or at least his and his DDs involvement in it, and you might be inclined to put less thought into his children's happiness in future since he obviously doesn't give a flying fuck about yours (when you consider both the birthday meal and the thing about all the kids meeting the dog at once).

And it’s me who has organised the rescue puppy, paid the “donation fee” and will be looking after her on a day to day basis... So naturally I wanted to be part of the surprise for SD12 too!

But no. It’s now like he’s taken all the credit / joy of telling her and I’m the mean one who’s said she can’t come to meet her tomorrow.

Stick to your plan
All the children meet a dog when you decide
It is not fair your Dh doing what he did
I’d even go so far as to postpone or rearrange the dog meeting on your own with the existing dog so you know you’re doing it right way
You will be ‘the baddie’ only because you’re in the right
It seems your still being held to ransom
Parenting separately while living together doesn’t work have you told him that by telling her and saying she can come first is sabotaging everyone family life

I've had similar things happen in the past, and to be honest it's stopped me telling him things (that I really need to be kept under wraps) until the very last minute.

Not at all how it should be, but dh has form for the "I didn't think I was doing any harm, dsc are excited they won't tell anyone" when I'd explicitly asked that all kids were kept in the dark for a little while.

And, and I'm probably being very petty here! I'd be leaving him at home and taking Dd to meet the puppy If she needs cheering up after being let down on her birthday!

Where your other dc going on the visit to meet the puppy?

@Haveyoubrushedyourteeth I do sometimes keep things quiet but another dog is a big decision which we had to discuss beforehand.

I couldn’t take DD to meet the puppy without her brother either, he’d be heartbroken. We always have to bend to what’s fair for all the children when it really means “only when SD is at risk of being left out”.
Apparently it doesn’t matter when it’s my child who’s being left out though.

Imagine if I suggested picking the puppy up next weekend when SD is supposed to be with her mum? He’d insist on having there for sure.

So no. I’m putting my foot down about this. All the kids meet the puppy together.

Oh god what a dick!

My DP is terrible at keeping surprises - his DCs get their birthday gifts early every year as he just can’t keep them under wraps and he always tries to give me mine early too!

I once arranged a theatre trip for us all for his DD’s birthday and I told him to save the day (a weekend, not her actual birthday) and waited until the actual day to tell him where we were going and what we were seeing, as I knew he’d want to see their faces when they found out and totally ruin the surprise element by telling them weeks ahead of time. I only told him on the day as I needed to make sure they were suitably dressed for the afternoon tea at a fancy hotel beforehand and then one of them turned up in ripped jeans anyway!

In your situation I’d be so cross with him for turning what should have been a lovely family moment into something that’s causing arguments and stress. Poor dog coming into this as his welcome to your family, now a symbol of division rather than unity!

Fucking Disney Dads are the worst.

I would be pissed off at that as well OP. Fucking Disney dads. You are right to put your foot down.

Imagine if I suggested picking the puppy up next weekend when SD is supposed to be with her mum? He’d insist on having there for sure.

So no. I’m putting my foot down about this. All the kids meet the puppy together

Good for you. Can he not see his own hypocrisy here?!

And re your DD’s birthday, I’m sure she’ll be happy if it’s just you and her sibling/a anyway - if he and his DCs want to miss out, let them and make sure you have something amazing to eat!!

@Footloosefancyfree my DS will he at his dad’s and DD11 & SD12 will be in or around where our house is... either at home or out with their friends as they are most Saturday afternoons. As I said, we’ll only be gone 20 mins tops anyway.

@MarkRuffaloCrumble you’re probably right. It’s hurtful to her though so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s upset by it.

Ah OK so none of the dc were going on the trip then to visit the puppy in that case your dp is making unnecessary issues.

Say no to getting the puppy on Weds and say you’re not getting one any more and if your SD kicks off tell her if she gets to cancel going to your DD’s party last minute you get to cancel the puppy. Then go by yourself to see the puppy with your dog