I reached the end of my tether this morning, I've been ill with a chest infection for 2 weeks which is getting worse instead of better, on antibiotics now and called in work sick, which isn't something I do often.
Partner still decides to do his morning disappearing act for an hour to start his work, leaving me alone getting the kids ready for school, only reappearing when its time to take them and expecting them all fed and dressed and ready to go.
Beyond peed off, and not prepared to be jumped all over and bickered at for an hour, I dragged myself out of my sick bed and went for a very long walk I didn't feel up to, returning about the time they need to go to school. Cue lots of him running about because hair hasn't been brushed, teeth hasn't been brushed, littlest wearing no tights and odd socks etc. If I hadn't made the lunches the day before and got uniforms prepared then that would've been a last minute issue too.
I raised the idea of sending them to breakfast club (mostly to make a point tbh, not with any real intent for this to happen), so he could take them an hour early and then start work if he regularly isn't available to parent them, instead of dumping them on me, and that went down like a lead balloon.
Tirade that he's a dad and has responsibilities, and doesn't get to see them all the time anyway so he's not shipping them off. I replied that he isn't seeing them much when they're here anyway, so it would make no odds.
Apparently he would also leave them to get themselves ready whether I was or wasn't here, because its just his style of parenting (the 11 year old maybe, but the 4 and a half yo?)
Then it was a guilt trip about how much they like me and gravitate towards me, which is why I get so bombarded by them (I do, they're very full on kids, even the older one, and don't seem able to entertain themselves for even a small amount of time).
Its really threatening the close and happy relationship I have with the kids, because I'm becoming more and more resentful and snappy, and also I'm effing off every time I sense that they're going to be dumped on me. I'm worried about this damaging the kids, I'm worried how overwhelmed I feel. I can't even have a moan to my mum, because I've faced infertility issues in the past and her outlook is basically be grateful that you have kids in your life and welcome to motherhood.
Sorry I don't think I'm even looking for advice, I just feel rubbish about it all and wanted a rant :(