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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Please tell me I'm being petty and why I'm so annoyed

95 replies

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 18:41

I just bought enough snacks for lunches ans snacks, things like crisps, choc biscuits and fruit etc. They have to last the week as I work 60 plus hours. My SS on the way to his mums took a load of the snacks to take to his mums because she never has any nice food in apparently. I said I don't think it's right and if he wants to stay here then of course eat it but not to take the food to his mums.
I told my husband who said that he is fine with this and will tell ss that he can take whatever food he likes to his mums. I feel undermined so I am annoyed but also wondering whether it is petty to not allow this. I'd like your true thoughts on this and am happy to be told I'm in the wrong for not allowing it. Thank you

OP posts:

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Allgirlskidsanddogs · 09/05/2021 18:50

Will you still have enough to last the week?

Next time I would buy some of his favourites to take back and leave the others in the car until he has gone. Yes it costs a little more but it will include him without inconveniencing you.

Magda72 · 09/05/2021 18:50

I don't think you're being petty at all! I'd be livid & I thing your husbands attitude sucks.
It's not just the food itself - it's the time, money & effort YOU put in to providing food in YOUR house to last throughout YOUR working week!
If your dh wants to send his ds back to his dm's with good he can go buy it himself out of HIS money.
Honestly - this has made me so annoyed on your behalf.

HollowTalk · 09/05/2021 18:50

Of course that's not right! If your husband wants to give his child some money for snacks, that's one thing, but he can't just take them from your house!

OhTheIronyOfItAll · 09/05/2021 18:57

but he can't just take them from your house!

Also his dad’s house. What sort of parent doesn’t let their child take treats away with them? Dad said it’s okay, not sure why it’s an issue tbh. I’m with @Allgirlskidsanddogs

Original poster

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 19:00

Thanks for your replies. It's not about the money so that is why I feel I'm being petty. The mum does feed him but she's more yoga wholistic type and healthier food.
He took the snacks his siblings and step siblings like to last him the next two days! It's just really irritated me.
I think also he's decided to not sleep here recently just come from 8 til 7 5 days a week and I felt that if he was here then eat the food. I would love him to stay here but dont come for fun days out and take a party bag of the rest of the family's food back with you.
I'm expecting grief from his mum and dad for this and will be told I am petty and wondered if there was anyway I could be being before standing my ground

OP posts:

Magda72 · 09/05/2021 19:02

@OhTheIronyOfItAll - so the op is just supposed to do without or take time out of her busy working schedule to restock her cupboards just because her dss's sm doesn't buy in treats for him?
Ffs - yet another example of how sms are just supposed to place themselves on the lowest rung of the ladder!

Original poster

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 19:03

Yeah it is his dad's hoise and it is his house too. That's why I feel I'm being petty. I think if my kids waited for me to do a shop then took the food to their dads I'd feel the same but with mine I'd just tell them not to be so cheeky to grab and go. But doesn't mean that that is right.

OP posts:

foxtookitaway · 09/05/2021 19:05

Do online shopping

BittyBatHats · 09/05/2021 19:05

Who does the food shop? The meal planning? Yeah, I reckon that's you! You have every right to be irritated. Tell your DH he can sodding take it all over and then if there's no snacks left direct everyone to him. Bet he changed his tune. You're irritated with the wrong person OP.

foxtookitaway · 09/05/2021 19:11

A lot of froth over a child and some snacks. Hilariously mumsnet.

I have and always will feel sorry for step-children. It's a shit deal.

OppsUpsSide · 09/05/2021 19:11

What sort of parent doesn’t let their child take treats away with them?

Me, frequently.
“Mum can I have this for a snack?”
“No.”

Original poster

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 19:12

We do an online shop this was the snack shop! We have a house full of kids and they meet up with friends and snacks go astonishingly fast.
I agree I could just get more in. As I said it's not about the money. And I'm prepared to be told I'm unreasonable but would really like to know why. Anx why I find it irritating. It might be just that he undermined me. I'm not sure. And he doesn't beleive in kids having snacks so if I don't buy them none of the kids have them but maybe that's the way forward

OP posts:

foxtookitaway · 09/05/2021 19:14

@disconnecteddrifter

We do an online shop this was the snack shop! We have a house full of kids and they meet up with friends and snacks go astonishingly fast. I agree I could just get more in. As I said it's not about the money. And I'm prepared to be told I'm unreasonable but would really like to know why. Anx why I find it irritating. It might be just that he undermined me. I'm not sure. And he doesn't beleive in kids having snacks so if I don't buy them none of the kids have them but maybe that's the way forward

So friends are allowed them, but step children aren't?

Daydrambeliever · 09/05/2021 19:16

What sort of parent doesn’t let their child take treats away with them?

Me all the time. No you can't take an entire multipack of crisps to your pals, they're for school snacks. No you can't have the popcorn just now, it's for the film on Friday. Kids cant just help themselves to stuff that may have another purpose. It's not unreasonable to explain that. Let him take a couple of things if they can be spared but not loads. And if your husband complains tell him to do the bloody shopping.

OppsUpsSide · 09/05/2021 19:16

Where did she say the friends take a load home with them?

Tiredoftattler · 09/05/2021 19:18

OP,
Why not just ask the dad to restock your snack supply as it is inconvenience for you to find replacement shopping time?

Going forward dad might even consider having a to go bag stocked and ready for him to take home with the understanding that he is not to take the household snacks with him as they have to last for the entire month.

If the mom is truly invested in healthy eating, she may put a quick end to the bringing in of snacks that she would rather that they not have.

AlexaNeverListens · 09/05/2021 19:18

Of course that's not right. OP has stated she doesn't have a problem with SS eating the food - just a problem with him taking it with him to eat at his DM's house.
It's rude and cheeky and DH should tell him no.
DM should provide the food for her house.

ChrissyPlummer · 09/05/2021 19:19

You’ll be blamed here because your a SM. This would piss me off too. I used to hide stuff in my car boot from my ex-DSD (my expensive shampoo and make up) as she’d just take mine as it was better quality than her DF bought for her. Fuck that.

foxtookitaway · 09/05/2021 19:20

@AlexaNeverListens

Of course that's not right. OP has stated she doesn't have a problem with SS eating the food - just a problem with him taking it with him to eat at his DM's house. It's rude and cheeky and DH should tell him no. DM should provide the food for her house.

This is just politics between the adults and the children are the pawns.

Op - It's snacks. Let him take them, and ask your husband/partner whatever to restock mid-week. Or order more in the first place.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 09/05/2021 19:20

This would piss me off because I wouldn't have been allowed to do it as a kid. My mom wouldn't let me and I think it's rude. Fine to eat snack in house or take snack for ride home but not take a crap load for the next few days. That's odd and unreasonable.
Just tell your dh to go buy xyz if it's missing mid week and next shop a box kept back to ensure you ahve enough for the rest of the week or don't buy anything wnakc wise and let dh sort it

theFailingsofDaphneTrigg · 09/05/2021 19:20

Maybe follow his mother's lead and buy less enticing snacks so he doesn't take them. Your DC will benefit from less chocolate and crisps.

Obviously, this is do as I say, not do as I do.

Original poster

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 19:20

@foxtookitaway there are 5 stepkids here. We are a blended family. 2 step kids had friends round yesterday and today so snacks depleted. 3 others didn't have snacks and not much left. I went to the shops so there were snacks for lunches for the week. Ss as soon as I got in with shopping took a loads of said snacks. Which step kids are you feeling sorry for? The one who took the food to his mums or the ones who didn't get snacks because of it?

OP posts:

MadMadMadamMim · 09/05/2021 19:23

I'd be irritated, as he appears entitled.

Grief from health freak Mum? I'd say, Oh speak to his father. He said it was fine!

Grief from Dad? Here's a list of what you need to replace. I'm working 60 hours this week and don't have time to replicate jobs.

user648482729 · 09/05/2021 19:24

I purposefully buy stuff for DD to take back to her mums as she always says similar but I’d be annoyed if she just took it especially when there’s other kids in the house who it was bought for too. DSD used to wistfully look at some of the snacks we had saying her mum refuses to buy them as they’re too expensive so I just buy an extra box every so often for her to take back. She didn’t just assume she could take it.

Original poster

disconnecteddrifter · 09/05/2021 19:27

Thank you I think it has pissed me off because I feel its rude. Not that ss knows this but his dad should. And I wouldn't have taken snacks from my mum or dad's house to take to the other. But maybe dh would have. Now I think I understand why it's annoyed me. And maybe it is my issue with the mum as in I don't want to provide food for her house.
I think moving forward I won't say anything but will just not buy the snacks. Its good to be healthier and I donf eat this stuff.

OP posts:

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