Stay at home dad... who pays CMS??!?

[Britsmums11]

We are in a predicament. Childcare costs are out of control and we literally lose an entire wage on childcare and more . I am the higher earner and we can survive off my wages and at least DD aged 18months isn't passed from pillar to post and can have some stability . My husband thinks being a SAHD is the best option. But then do I have to pay for his son? If CMS do the calculation on my wages we'd be hand to mouth. Husband seems to think that's not the case .... but is it ?

@Iyland

Well we're discussing on this thread. I don't know of a single NRP paying what you are suggesting

Jesus Christ. Someone suggested it should cover 50% of housing costs etc. I was suggesting that it shouldn't.

@Britsmums11

I'm not sure why lots of people are assuming my husband will leave me ? That's not the point of the post.

I can tell you we have a strong marriage and whether that lasts is not something you can predict.

I imagine his Ex thought the same

Nobody has suggested it does cover the full housing costs. I'm saying it shouldn't cover half should it

It doesn’t cover half, there’s no correlation, so you’re arguing against something that isn’t a thing?

Do we know that his ex didn't leave him or?

Jesus Christ. Someone suggested it should cover 50% of housing costs etc. I was suggesting that it shouldn't.

Don't worry.

Threads on CMS always go the same way on here.

@JustLyra

Nobody has suggested it does cover the full housing costs. I'm saying it shouldn't cover half should it

It doesn’t cover half, there’s no correlation, so you’re arguing against something that isn’t a thing?

Someone suggested it should. Literally what I just wrote.

@JustLyra

Threads on CMS always go the same way on here.

Yes, lots of posters making it clearly that daddys time is worthless and only his money matters. 50% of time with your child is not enough if you have a woman, but eow is perfectly acceptable if you're a man.

when you think about the £250 is supposed to be 50% of the cost of the child......so that would assume that it costs £500 per month to feed and clothe the child...

It isn't just food and clothing though. A roof over their head, hot water, heating all cost money

No they didn't. You're actually wrong.

@Iyland

No they didn't. You're actually wrong.

That's how I read it, and having read it again, that's still how I read it.theyre suggesting all those things factor into the cost, and that the nrp should pay 50%

I'd carry on paying the 250 if money is your driver (and yes, you do sound that callous). If the exW takes you up on 50/50 residency, you're in for a financial shocker! Will be a nice and well deserved bump of money and time for the exW though.

Yes, lots of posters making it clearly that daddys time is worthless and only his money matters. 50% of time with your child is not enough if you have a woman, but eow is perfectly acceptable if you're a man.

I meant more someone jumping on an irrelevant point and taking the thread completely off kilter.

You must read different threads to me because I haven’t seen a single one like that.

There has been nothing from the OP of this thread about the benefit to her DSS of changing their arrangement. Just how it would suit her, her DH and their baby. It’s not man bashing to point out that choosing financially absolving himself from CMS is a shitty thing to do

@JustLyra

Yes, lots of posters making it clearly that daddys time is worthless and only his money matters. 50% of time with your child is not enough if you have a woman, but eow is perfectly acceptable if you're a man.

I meant more someone jumping on an irrelevant point and taking the thread completely off kilter.

You must read different threads to me because I haven’t seen a single one like that.

There has been nothing from the OP of this thread about the benefit to her DSS of changing their arrangement. Just how it would suit her, her DH and their baby. It’s not man bashing to point out that choosing financially absolving himself from CMS is a shitty thing to do

Read this one. Many posters have made it clear that support from a man only counts is it's cash.

@TrustTheGeneGenie

50/50 is fine, if that's in the best interest of the child. Often it's not.

I begged my exH for more of his time. He refused. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that all the nasty mums are simply after their ex's money.

The op hasn't stated how old her dss is and if he actually WANTS to go 50/50, which is quite an important factor, no?

If he had 50/50 he wouldn't be financially absolving anything

"There has been nothing from the OP of this thread about the benefit to her DSS of changing their arrangement. Just how it would suit her, her DH and their baby. It’s not man bashing to point out that choosing financially absolving himself from CMS is a shitty thing to do"

Absolutely!^^

You've read it wrong. It was to point out that the money isn't just used for food and clothing.

In fairness I use my child maintenance for holidays and days out. It just doesn't matter what it is spent on as long as a child needs are met.

You're splitting it into food and clothing, why?

@Iyland

when you think about the £250 is supposed to be 50% of the cost of the child......so that would assume that it costs £500 per month to feed and clothe the child...

It isn't just food and clothing though. A roof over their head, hot water, heating all cost money

But the nrp also has to pay for a house etc to be able to have the child stay 🤷‍♀️

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@TrustTheGeneGenie

50/50 is fine, if that's in the best interest of the child. Often it's not.

I begged my exH for more of his time. He refused. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that all the nasty mums are simply after their ex's money.

The op hasn't stated how old her dss is and if he actually WANTS to go 50/50, which is quite an important factor, no? [/quote]
Oh, I don't think they are at all. Just many posters on this thread.

Yes, of course it does, as I said I'm not jumping to conclusions. It may be totally inappropriate in which case my first comment stands and in ops position I would pay something I could afford. However it may be totally appropriate and the only thing blocking it is mum. We don't know.

@TrustTheGeneGenie

If he had 50/50 he wouldn't be financially absolving anything

Well, that’s not always true as zero maintenance doesn’t always mean nil maintenance.

However, changing his child’s life to suit himself if it’s not specifically a benefit for his DS is financially absolving himself.

@Iyland

You've read it wrong. It was to point out that the money isn't just used for food and clothing.

In fairness I use my child maintenance for holidays and days out. It just doesn't matter what it is spent on as long as a child needs are met.

You're splitting it into food and clothing, why?

No, I haven't. You may have read it different but that doesn't mean I am wrong.

I haven't split it into food and clothing. I haven't split it into anything because that wasn't my comment.

But the nrp also has to pay for a house etc to be able to have the child stay 🤷‍♀️
What are the incremental costs of having the child to stay, given that the nrp would be living there anyway, not pitching a tent somewhere?!

@Britsmums11

I don't think the ex has much choice to be honest its 50:50 or no payments. So the choice is hers ultimately

This cannot be a genuine poster. 😲

Exactly @JustLyra so dad's care only counts if it's cash.