New baby and can't bear my step kids around help!

[Mrscatbells]

Just what the title says , new mum , new baby and trying to work it all out. I have found I've lost all patience with step kids aged 6 and 9 completely and just want to lock myself away with my baby and husband. I Dont say anything negative to them I am always nice and accommodating but inside I want to just yell that I want to be left alone. Their DM has just rang wanting more contact time over the holidays I could have a breakdown over it !!

I hate that I feel like this , but I just need to offload is this normal??? Will this feeling ever go away?

he shouldn't be pushing them aside and thinking he can just hand them back and forth when she has them most of the time. I wouldn't expect her to be happy with him ditching them at nighttime for his convenience because "he's not happy" tbh.

Exactly this. He needs to suck it up and keep them overnight. He’s confusing childcare with parenting, he just doesn’t get it.

That sounds like a good idea OP. That way you can get the support you need from your mum without being put upon by DH and his ex, who need to sort their own arrangements for him to continue seeing his other children regularly.

I agree @DropDTuning, it's the usual "psycho ex" rhetoric that's trotted out over and over.

Its always the ex who is expected to reasonable and accommodate the new family. Never the Father who continues to reproduce before realising it's all a bit much leaving the women to bare the brunt of the donkey work.

I'm not an ex but I see this on here and irl over and over again. Shit all round, particularly for the old kids.

Baby is 3 weeks old. So he had 2 weeks paternity and then decided to take one week off right after knowing that he wouldn't be able to take any time off at all for the following two weeks when his older children are off.

Surely the logical choice to make was to have the two weeks off and then go back 1 or 2 weeks and take that 1 week off to spend time with all three children?

@aSofaNearYou I'm fully aware of that as I've got DC of my own. The point is recovery isn't a medical emergency. And 3 weeks is a luxury especially when you have other DC to consider.

As for not wanting them around, is this anew feeling? Did you enjoy them coming before you've given birth? If so, I'd put it down to hormones. Hopefully the feeling will subsides as you adapt to the new dynamism of having the three of them together.

[quote DropDTuning]**@Brieminewine* Wow some very nasty comments from some bitter exs on here*

Of all the tedious bullshit that gets rolled out on this site, this is right at the top.

I'm not an ex. I'm not a step-parent. The father of my kids and I are together. You don't need to be personally involved in a situation to make a judgement on it, you know.

I feel desperately sorry for these children. What a shit Easter they're going to have.[/quote]
Why are they going to have a shit easter when they are just going to stay with their mum?

why is that shit?
is their mum shit or?

[quote KurtWilde]@aSofaNearYou I'm fully aware of that as I've got DC of my own. The point is recovery isn't a medical emergency. And 3 weeks is a luxury especially when you have other DC to consider. [/quote]
I don’t think the Op does have other children to consider, this is her first. She can take as long as she likes - I assume she’s taking at least 6 months Maternity leave.

It’s her husband who has other children to consider and fortunately for him he is not recovering from childbirth nor caring full time for a new born.

His older children are 6 and 9 so he’s had years to work out how to care for them.

@EvilOnion

I agree *@DropDTuning*, it's the usual "psycho ex" rhetoric that's trotted out over and over.

Its always the ex who is expected to reasonable and accommodate the new family. Never the Father who continues to reproduce before realising it's all a bit much leaving the women to bare the brunt of the donkey work.

I'm not an ex but I see this on here and irl over and over again. Shit all round, particularly for the old kids.

Oh do "psycho ex"'s not exist then?

@MrsNewms85

Your husband needs to step up here. Sounds like maybe the ex has got her own way previously to keep the peace and is still trying to wield some power?

As an ex who's partner is due a baby in a few weeks, I've offered to increase our 50/50 custody agreement to 75/25 when their new baby arrives, so they're not overwhelmed and that our kid doesn't feel like they're not wanted around at what is a tough but also amazing time.

I'm not saying we get on great all the time, we absolutely don't, but I try my best for my kids sake. Stuff like that give ex's, step parents etc a bad rep.

There's a difference between you offering 75/25 and them telling you that's what's happening.

Why are they going to have a shit easter when they are just going to stay with their mum

Because the kids will realise that Dad has a new baby now and they aren't welcome to come for Easter as planned.
Kids aren't stupid.

@slashlover I don't understand your point. Mine is, that the ex could be more understanding at this time and the husband should be working to get that understanding from her.

[quote MrsHusky]@TrustTheGeneGenie not according to Mumsnet, they're all wonderful, misunderstood women who only split up with their Ex husbands because clearly the husband was a shit, or a deadbeat dad.

My cousins ex was an abusive husband beater who my cousin is so petrified of, he can only communicate with via email..

But no, psycho exes are a figment of 2nd wives imaginations.[/quote]
Ah i see - i guess i must have imagined witnessing dps ex assault him, all the horrific texts she sent, telling me she hoped my baby would die, telling her child to say the same thing, kicking said child out....

I must have a WILD imagination, eh!

@DropDTuning. How is it a "Shit easter" to spend time with both your parents and maybe meet their new sibling? If the adults act like adults and frame it as an exciting time and explain OP needs rest it will be fine.

@Rukaya

Why are they going to have a shit easter when they are just going to stay with their mum

Because the kids will realise that Dad has a new baby now and they aren't welcome to come for Easter as planned.
Kids aren't stupid.

Well they can still come EOW - and no kids arent stupid so why cant the parents just say to them, look OP has just had a baby, it's going to be very boring to come and stay here for a week because babies need attemtion and cant do anything bla bla, i will have you over the bank holiday weekend and we can do x nice thing they like, and we'll have an extra week in summer.

I mean how traumatising would that be

I cant get over why this needs to be a "thing"

its not a childcare issue for the other parent, it isnt stopping them from working, the dad isnt saying never come again

honestly, the drama. Whats the point?

[quote MrsNewms85]@slashlover I don't understand your point. Mine is, that the ex could be more understanding at this time and the husband should be working to get that understanding from her. [/quote]
There's a difference between you being lovely and offering to help out and OPs DH essentially telling his ex that he's decided that's what is happening. He should be working with her but it looks like he's just said "Oops, too bad."

@Rukaya

Why are they going to have a shit easter when they are just going to stay with their mum

Because the kids will realise that Dad has a new baby now and they aren't welcome to come for Easter as planned.
Kids aren't stupid.

They aren't stupid and if it is explained that sometimes in a family different members need support at different times and at the moment OP needs the support it should be fine.

@slashlover yeah that's the bit I think isn't good, but I suppose I'm lucky in my ex has 50/50 custody normally and wants to be with the bairn more that EOW.... guess it all depends on what was agreed when he split with his ex.

If you feel the need to go to your parents this time, fine, but I'd caution against making this a habit as it's the only chance his children have for forge a relationship with their step sibling.

Your husband also really needs to sort out his work over Easter so the children still come. It's not fair on them to get pushed out and not have contact time because of a new baby.

If your relationship with the children was good before your baby came along, I'd also suggest you should try to spend some time with them still, or they will feel like you only wanted them when you didn't have children of your own, and that could cause long term issues in your relationship.

it's the only chance his children have for forge a relationship with their step sibling
Utter nonsense. My DSD went on a three week holiday with her mum when DS was a few days old. She’d only met him once in hospital. That have a lovely bond. Please don’t try to manipulate an emotional post partum woman with emotional blackmail like this.

I can guess what’s been said since I last posted last night Depressing.