DS hurt by his step sister

[crackerss]

DS7 has returned from his Dad's today with deep scratch marks all down his chest. My initial thought was that it was their new puppy, but on closer inspection they looked too deep, too sore and too far apart to be a dog paw. DS7 kept saying he didn't know how they got there. I eventually got it out of him that his step sister who's 8 had done it. There are also a few smaller scratches, one by his eye and another by his mouth.

I know step siblings can fight but i'm horrified by the state of DS7s chest. I don't have contact with my ex as he's controlling and awful to deal with. I get on very well with his partner (the 8 year old's Mum).

I text his partner to ask what on Earth had happened and her response what pretty much 'oh well, these things happen'.

What would you do in this situation? Leave it or message back something a little firmer?

WTF!? This is not normal behaviour. How deep are they? And has this happened before?

I’d be inclined to get him to open up to find out the extent of what goes on.

And frankly, if he has a nasty controlling father, a casual “well, these things happen” stepmother and a viscous child who could do this then it’s hard to see the benefit to your son of going again.

Bloody hell. Very concerning he didn’t tell you what had happened until you pushed it. Had he been told not to tell you?

Is it clean or does he need to be seen to check?

These things do not just happen. It sounds like a viscous attack.

No advice at all, I’d be spitting tacks and can’t think of anything helpful. Your poor little boy, I’m so sorry.

Her attitude is awful.

Take photos of the scratches. It could be evidence for the future if you're concerned about the supervision while with his Dad.

I would also send her the pictures and his dad, as he is the one who should be responsible. Saying you're concerned and could they please keep an eye out next time.

Accidents and injuries happen when kids are playing, but I would have expected a more concerned and apologetic response.

Take photos of the scratches. It could be evidence for the future if you're concerned about the supervision while with his Dad.

This is a good idea.

Hope he is ok and not too upset.

I agree the concern is more he tried to hide what happened rather than it happening.

If they'd got into a fight as siblings do and it was sorted properly and correctly it doesn't need covering up.

I took some photos and sent some to my ex's partner but she didn't seem overly concerned!

Dos your son enjoy going there? Does he have somewhere proper to sleep/space to do his own thing? Does his father spend any 1:1 time with him?

I’m thinking about the fallout if one child did this to another at school. It would be a lot more severe than “these things happen” because this is really odd and horrid behaviour for an 8yo!

@crackerss

I took some photos and sent some to my ex's partner but she didn't seem overly concerned!

The lack of concern is what would make me worry it’s not the first time her child has attacked yours.

Did the partner say what had happened?

It sounds like more than a superficial scratch & concerning that no one is bothered about it.

I'd be seriously thinking if visits are in your son's best interests.

I could be severely over reacting here but...
Assault with visible injuries and a clear cover up job on a small child with a controlling parent??? Police/social services maybe??? Definitely a docs appointment if for no other reason than official records that can't be argued against by a solicitor. I read your post and immediately thought of how I'd react (I would have put some serious thought into introducing the lot of them to the shotgun and the pigs) .. I'm shaking with rage for you! And to get no joy from the people who are meant to be looking after him???
If I'd have been the parent in charge the first thing I would have said on collection/delivery is exactly what happened and can you please keep an eye out for infection and let me know he's ok.
I wonder if they would have been so blasé if it had been the other way round.
I do so hope he's OK poor little lamb, big hugs for the both of you xx

From bitter experience I advise this: photos graphs taken of injuries. Detail what happened (date/time/perpetrator/location). Try and get your son to write out what happened on one page.

Then: call social services and the police. If you don’t do this but bring it up much later the authorities will question your ability to safeguard your child (he is only 7!) and wonder about your motives and why you didn’t raise the alarm in a timely manner. If you raise it later it might not be taken seriously - if it had been serious you would have alerted them immediately.

Cease contact until this is sorted. I have children who’ve all been that age and they don’t wound each other and draw blood. Near his eyes as well - shocking! Hope your DS is okay. Please do not let this rest for his sake.

Also second what @Justriseaboveitkiddo said: GP appointment immediately. These records can be requested for court later.

GP appt immediately. Make a formal record.

I’d be interested to ask DS why he didn’t want to tell you. I think that needs a bit of exploring.

I’d also try and find out how it happened, was DS hurting her first/too or was it an unprovoked attack?

Then you can work out what you’re doing.

Thanks all. To answer a few questions:

The scratches have broken the skin so they look like they will scab over at some point. One of them looks a slightly odd colour but don't think it'll get infected).

DS does like going to his Dads, although he didn't want to go on this occasion (his reasons being he wanted to stay at home and his step sister is annoying).

He shares a bedroom there with his step sister.

I asked DS to explain exactly what happened. From what I can gather, him, step sister and DS' Dad were 'play fighting'. DS hadn't hurt his step sister but she got cross whilst they were playing and scratched him (I've seen she has a slight temper). He said the ones on his face were done after they had sat back down. So no, it wasn't in retaliation to something DS had done.

DS also mentioned that they had a bath for the first time together (no swimming costumes) which I'm not entirely happy about but that's a whole other issue.

@ThePricklySheep I think DS possibly didn't tell me at first because last time he came back from his Dad's he said 'Daddy said that I always tell you what happens at Daddy's house and I shouldn't'.

[quote crackerss]@ThePricklySheep I think DS possibly didn't tell me at first because last time he came back from his Dad's he said 'Daddy said that I always tell you what happens at Daddy's house and I shouldn't'. [/quote]
Oh god. That’s crap.

So his dad was there when she hurt him? This entire situation sounds very conserving. I wouldn’t be sending him there again

*concerning

I second what alot of people have said on here gp appointment for records but also to double check hes ok and social services.
Social services may be able to arrange some kind of supervision for visitation or may support you if you tried to arrange that visitation happened on weekends where step sister isnt there.
At 7 and 8 different sexes sharing rooms in and of itself isnt that big of a deal ( obviously if there is bullying going on as seems to be here then it is) but will be a major issue in a couple of years as they begin to come close to puberty.

@Aimee1987 I agree about the puberty thing - DS has only just turned 7 but his step sister is 9 very soon so it won't be too long until it starts (for her anyway).

Thry had a bath together, at that age?! I would stop sending him. Good job she missed his eyes.

@Everyotherday Yes it was in front of his Dad apparently. DS said his step sister didn't get told off - just made to give DS a cuddle (which I'd maybe expect for toddlers?!)

Things like this do happen but you need the reassurance that the incident was dealt with properly and that it won’t happen again.

You need reassurance that they will be watched closely in future before it gets to that point.

It’s really difficult when it hasn’t happened under your roof but I’d be documenting it (photographs of scratches, log what your son has said, keep all texts regarding the incident)

Relating to my own experience, which is from a slightly different perspective, DD ended up covered in bruises one weekend after DSD’s visit. It was a couple of years ago now. I think DD was 5/6 and DSD 8/9. They had been playing in their bedroom a lot due to the weather. It was only on Sunday night after DSD had gone home that I notice the bruises on DD’s arms. Didn’t know how to play it at school so didn’t say anything about the bruises but DD’s head noticed it and pulled her into the office to ask how she’d got them. Never heard anymore but I was pretty pissed off with DSD and went through her about it. She never did it again. I very rarely shout at DSD but her attitude towards DD had been worsening for some time. I’d been trying to deal with it gently, because she’s not my child but after that it became evident that this wasn’t working. Obviously it’s very different for you as you don’t have first hand contact with this child.

I don’t think I’d want to be sending him back there. I especially don’t like the fact he’s trying to prevent your son from disclosing information about his stay.