I'm not sure what I hope to achieve from this post, maybe to just try and get things off my chest, but I honestly feel at breaking point.
I have been married for 8 years, before we were married my husband saw his children every other weekend, everything was fine, we all got on well...
Once we were married I discovered the truth, his ex wife was a horrific mother and the children clearly could not stay with her.
Now, I totally understand why, but without any prior discussion I came home to the children both having been moved into our house.
It's been horrific, my depression and anxiety started shortly after, I am deeply unhappy, I feel nervous and uncomfortable in my own home.
The daughter is now 18 and a compulsive liar, pretending she's been attacked if anything happens she doesn't like, shes stolen money, shes smashed the house up, put herself through a glass door over being refused £20. She vanishes and then gets friends to message my husband saying shes been hurt or attacked or something awful has happened, then she turns back up with no injuries. Shes sold a phone while still being paid by us on a contract, shes accused her bf of awful things, but runs away if anyone tries to stop her seeing him. She threatens self harm, shes vicious and cruel.
The son is 20 and doesnt leave the house, he showers once a week and only after my husband forces him. I can smell him after he leaves a room. The only place he goes is to the corner shop to buy bags and bags of junk food, he quit college with the understanding he would get a job, that never happened. Like his sister he also lies non stop and over the most stupid, unimportant things. He stays up until 4am playing computer games and sleeps all day.
Both of them will just lie as their first reaction to anything. Neither will work. Neither will do anything to help around the house, which I know is nothing unusual for teens but I guess I was just raised very differently, and I've always helped my parents from a young age.
Neither will even acknowledge me if they walk into a room I'm in, but if I'm speaking I've caught them lurking outside the door listening to me.
They have both told their mother personal information about me which shes used to bombard me with abuse.
Obviously no one can at the moment but we moved away from my family, too far to just visit for a day, my family haven't been able to visit since the children moved in, over 4 years now, as their behaviour makes it impossible.
I don't speak anymore, I don't feel able to have private conversations in person or on the phone, I can't have a physical relationship with my husband.
I never get a single moment in the house alone, I don't feel comfortable just existing in my own home, I cant walk around in my pjs, I take my clothes into the bathroom when I shower so I can get dressed before leaving the room.
I feel like a shell of who I was before, and like leaving is the only option I have. I've been distancing myself more and more from my husband in an act of self preservation I guess, our marriage cant survive this much longer.
I don't want my husband to have no contact with his children, but although I keep referring to them as children... in fact neither are children anymore, they are adults.
Can I say at 20 enough is enough? Is that awful of me? I left home at 21 to travel
I just feel like I cant breathe, I miss who I was, I miss laughing, and partly I feel like I was mislead on what I was getting involved in.