Small rant.. Sick of extra work

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Before anyone says it, I know it's a dh problem but god its frustrating.
He moans I don't enjoy them being here and I always say I like them, but 3 extr ppl is a lot of extra work and he doesn't see it.
Example arrived friday. Dh was supossed to strip beds n change them. He stripped beds., but didn't wash sheets or put new ones on. I hoovered n did bathroom etc. I cooked food for evryone and then washed up as he didn't the next morning.
Sat morning got up at 6 with our toddler. Made evryone breakfast and washed up again. He got up at half 9. Put wash in (not sheets as I'm leaving them for him) and put out to dry.
Went for a run while he had them all), which was nice). Made lunch. Then watched all kids for 3 hours while he worked. Then took all of them for a walk togter n he then had a 50 min bloody shower. I cooked tea while he did this.
He then went to shop and got me wine and said he was treating me, which I found annoying (possibly unfairly).
I'm annoyed as it will be same tommorrow and for hqlf of next week while I try and work from home. Only difference is my child will be at the childminder as I pay for childcare!!
I work full time, it's busy n stressful and I'm not superwoman. I appreciate their family but a bit of gratitude and appreciation for how much extra work it is or actually sharing the work would help.

You're right, you do have a dh problem...

Why not ask him to pay for some weekend house cleaning help?

You need to stop. Don’t strip the beds, you don’t say how old they are but they can either do it themselves or DH can do it. Just fix tea for you and your toddler, same for lunch.

Cleaning is hard to avoid but the other bits you’ve walked right into.

@Tiredoftattler

Why not ask him to pay for some weekend house cleaning help?

That’s a good idea. We used to have a cleaner every week to save these kind of arguments.

I would honestly just stop doing it all.

I feel awkward just cooking for me and toddler, as I don't feel that's fair on them. I've said if he doesn't do more he has to hire a cleaner but he says cnat afford it and I had leaving it for days and days until there are no clean plates etc and he's forced to.
Same for clothes etc, I won't see them go dirty etc as it's not their fault.
Im probably need to develop a thicker skin!

Stop cooking. I’ve done this from time to time and it makes a huge difference, because the more I did of everything, the less DH did, if that makes sense. It was just too much work, too much assumption and too much being taken for granted.

Even planning meals was exhausting because of keeping up with eating fads and no notice of sports events or pizzas with mates.

Explain you want a break on contact weekends and could he plan the food, shop and cook.

Does he work every contact weekend?

A 50 minute shower? Really odd.

YANBU. He needs to do a LOT more. Once he’s done everything you usually do for a few weekends, he will hopefully be more of a team player.

Another thought, did he live on his own after splitting with their mum or did he have them at his parents or similar? Just wondered if he’d ever been domesticated!

He did have them alone for 5 years post split. They lived on pasta n a jar of sauce or pizza or chips. He's a disaster at cooking and eats beige himself. He'd live of hot dog sausage in a bun n crisps for himself. Kids loathe his cooking, really loathe it.
Slef employed so annoying but he often does but in evenings.
He's happy for them to sit on xbox or ipads all day too, drives me insane as I'm a doing person. Would prefer football, walks, cricket in Park or badminton or board games or something. Other than our walk today they have been on tech uninterrupted bar the walk and meals since 7am!

@DinoHat

You need to stop. Don’t strip the beds, you don’t say how old they are but they can either do it themselves or DH can do it. Just fix tea for you and your toddler, same for lunch.

Cleaning is hard to avoid but the other bits you’ve walked right into.

Just fix tea for you and the toddler?

It’s just not fair to leave all the work to you every time. Especially if he’s going to bugger off to work and shower for hours. Can’t believe he’s another NRP who allows unrestricted screens and gaming. What parenting does he actually do? 😟

What ages are they?

13, 10 and 9 plus our 2 year old

To be fair their rp, mother, allowed unlimited screens. I'm the only voice who thinks it's wrong!!

They are lucky to have you. I hope your DH knows that and thanks you for tour support.

But I really hope you can make your him see sense and step up. Because you have up to a decade of weekends like this otherwise.

I feel awkward just cooking for me and toddler, as I don't feel that's fair on them. I've said if he doesn't do more he has to hire a cleaner but he says cnat afford it and I had leaving it for days and days until there are no clean plates etc and he's forced to.
Same for clothes etc, I won't see them go dirty etc as it's not their fault.
Im probably need to develop a thicker skin!

I think you do need to, yes.

The thing is, it isn't your job to do those things and that matters. It wouldn't be a huge ask to cook for the whole family whilst cooking for yourself, but only if he was generally doing all the other things he SHOULD be doing as their father, such as looking after them and cleaning up after them. You need to stop doing those things, to incentivise him to do them. If it takes a little time, the kids aren't going to starve or be damaged by their sheets and clothes needing washing. He will no doubt question you the first time they aren't done, and that will be the perfect time to impress upon him that he needs to start stepping up, because you're not going to do it all by default.

What does he say when you ask him to do more to accommodate his kids while they're there?
Sounds like he's trying to avoid pulling his weight and thinks he's getting away with it (which he is but probably not for long!)

Unlimited screens at those ages is really sad. Esp if the two younger ones end up playing games that aren’t age-appropriate.

I dislike the screen time a lot and have laid down the law that it. Won't be happening with my son already.
I've raised it repeatedly and been told that he and exw are happy with it, so it's it up for debate.
I think being off screens for half a day Sat n Sunday is mroe than reasonable to do board games or go park/walk/bikes/stake board or read.

Nice blaming there.. We didn't live together and the pregnancy was unplanned but decided to go ahead bsed on my age and strength of relationship. But great judging!!

Was he like this before you wanted a baby with him or did it start when you'd had the baby?

Does he contribute to your child's childcare?

Advice like don't cook for his kids always comes out on threads like this and it's awful. It isn't the kids fault their dad isn't pulling his weight. If you cook a lovely dinner and don't bother with them they aren't going to think oh my dads useless so this is all his fault.. they're going to blame to SM and cause issues there, why solve one problem just to create another that's worse.

I have 3 SC and 2 of my own and weekends with them are stressful and an overwhelming cycle of cooking and cleaning so I know exactly how you feel! You need to tell your husband that he needs to step up. Create a rota, decide who's doing what before hand and he needs to stick to it. After many years of nagging my husband finally realises the weekends are far easier and less stressful when it's planned out.. it's just too chaotic with so many people. I actually don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning, he does the child supervising (mine are 2&6m) and the shopping/taxiing. I find it easier to relax the rules at the weekend but then have a big, whole family clean up on Sunday. No reason why the kids can't chip in and help with some chores. My 2yr old is far better at helping around the house than his teenagers but the more we practice, the better they get.. or realise that if they just do what I ask then the whole thing gets done quicker and they can do as they please.
My husband was a Disney dad who never wanted to be horrible to his kids at the weekend.. took me a while to persuade him that asking them to help out isn't being horrible, just teaching them life skills!!

Poppy buns.. Thank you that really useful advice. I think a clear plan would help and make it very clear what has to happen. Great idea.

He is a selfish arse. If that's representative of all weekends with your step dc, I'd be having a serious talk to h.

Why does he think it's fair that you look after his dc while he slept? Why did he think it's fair that he didn't do the chores you'd asked him to do?
How does he expect you to work with your step kids there next week?

I'd be really angry with him for being so useless and thoughtless.

I can go to the office if I absolutely have to. Works just insane at the moment na Di ahve coursework deadlines for my professional qualification due next week also.
I'm thinking about demanding he take them all for a long walk so I can study tomorrow tbh