Debate on the DAD or STEPDAD subject

[Roo060720]

Just fancy a debate because I had someone arguing with me yesterday saying it was totally wrong BUT...

Would you say it is wrong for a child to be brought up calling their stepfather, dad? Even if the father is not on the scene? Or even if he IS on the scene occasionally but doesn't help or support the mother financially, childcare wise or even ask how baby is?

No nasty comments!

I agree. Thats exectly what my ex has done. Unhinged indeed.

My partner has raised my DC since they were young. Their bio dad has seen them maybe a couple of times a year and has not been a parent in any sense of the word practically, emotionally or financially and neither has his family been involved. So I think its actually more appropriate to call him dad than the deadbeat ex.

I'd say the same if it was a stepmum doing parenting.

My DS calls my DH dad but my DSD doesn’t call me mom. It depends on the child and your circumstances. My DS and I have lived with DH full time since he was 3 and a half so he doesn’t know any difference. But I would never force him to call DH dad if he didn’t want to.

I think it’s only appropriate where the step parent has adopted the child and the actual parent has no contact. Even then it should be when the child is old enough to understand their parentage and can choose fit themselves. Adults shouldn’t force it on them nor leave it uncorrected in small children.

My thoughts are to let the child decide and accept what they say. Be truthful about family and have a loving, sharing relationships. Labels do not matter- step-father, father. A child will know who they can depend on, who has time for them and who is there for them. x

My SC call their mum’s boyfriend ‘dad’. They mentioned to us ages ago that their mum had said they should and so they just do, as understandably they follow whatever she says. We explained that they only have one dad etc and since then the kids try not say it in front of us and usually hesitate before using his name instead but they’ve slipped up a few times and referred to him as dad, or mentioned ‘mum and dad’. Every time my DH’s heart breaks just a little more. Ex wife has caused a lot of trouble and tried to break up our relationship with the SC, we’ve jumped through every hoop ever asked of us, spent tens of thousands taking her to court and are actively involved in their lives despite her attempts to stop it, and yet all this aside, it’s hearing his kids refer to another man that they’ve only known a couple of years as ‘dad’ which absolutely breaks my DH. It disgusts me. The kids have a devoted dad who loves them very much, would jump in front of a bus for them and pretty much has done repeatedly. Would their mums boyfriend? I doubt it 🙁

No matter what people think of their exes I feel strongly that ‘dad’ is a name only the child’s actual dad should have. Being someone’s stepdad is a valid and respected role too - surely trying to call a stepdad ‘dad’ just undermines the very important role a stepdad has?

My eldest calls both "dad" we know which one she means 🤷🏽‍♀️