How to blend a step family and is it the right time.

[Sarahholl87]

Hi everyone

I don't often post on here but I am struggling with making some hard decisions and would really appreciate some advice and opinions, especially from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Bear with me it will be a long post

So I am a single mum to an almost 4 year old who will be starting school in September. I have a partner who also has 2 children and splits custody with his ex. I have been with him a year and things are great, the children are all similar age and get on really well.

At the moment I usually see my partner once or twice a week and mainly I will stay at his house as he has his children every weekend and either my child will come stay with me or I go alone if he's with his Dad.
My house is much smaller than my partners so it makes more sense to go there but it's a 40 minute trip so sometimes can be hard work and costly.

We've been chatting about the future and we both would love to all live together some day.

My dilemma is do I take the plunge this year and move in with him so my son can start school in the new area and not have to move schools in the future.
I also think if worse case scenario things didn't work out I would move back to my home city as I would be renting my house out so I'd have to move back and potentially have my son move to a new school again.

There's also the factor of him been further from his dad (40 min drive) however I would be willing to drive and meet him half way and I think he would be supportive and we could work out a routine.

My partner can't move near me as his kid's are settled in a school near him and he drops off and collects them 3 times per week and there mum would not allow them to move school nor would it be possible due to shared custody.

So I'm in a difficult position as to bite the bullet and move in with him late summer for my son to have a start at a school there or wait a few years and have him have to start a whole new school or just live seperately and keep things as they are and just see each other on weekends.

It's such a difficult decision and ultimately my son comes 1st but we all get on so well, the kids love each other and in an ideal world we would all be a family.

If anyone has any advice or has similar experience I would really appreciate it!

Thank you :) x

It's pretty common to move schools. We did a big move in the summer before my kids turned y6/y4/y1 and they were not the only ones who were new in that time.

Y3 is a common time to start a new school as it's when junior school starts and some schools are separate infant:junior rather than primary.

Personally I would wait until you were more sure and wouldn't move cities yet.

His children's lives and routine takes precedence. He COULD look at alternate schools broach the topic with his ex. Shared custody wouldn't stop this being put on the table. But he won't even consider this

And he shouldn't. If he did, it would be a bad sign. Plus his ex would likely laugh him out of the house...why would she change her kids schools so he can move in with his GF? She wouldn't.

It's a difficult one. I think it is unfair to move a child 40 minutes drive from the other parent. Your partner doesn't seem to be making any adjustments to his arrangements. If I was your ex I wouldn't be happy.

I think if you were sure you would be sure.
If you are thinking it through this much and wondering if it's right or not, it won't be right.

Take a little more time op. You have lots more to discuss. Schools are only one topic, you have a lot more you need to work out first.

Grobagsforever Mon 11-Jan-21 15:21:28
I would say a year isn't long enough as there two sets of children involved. I'd wait another year, your child is young enough to adapt later on.
.......
I agree with Grobags. You've only been together a year which is nothing, many couples are only just beginning to introduce their children to eachother. Why the rush to move in together, op? You really all do need more time, a couple of years at least.

I would say only you know what is right and at least you can keep your house still and rent it out.
Maybe have another trail run in spring and even visit schools in both areas as if you do move even if not straight away it will be good to see if schools are good etc
I don't agree that 40 mins is too far to move if you are happy , you can't just stay 5 mins from your ex forever if you are happy and want to move on, we are not talking hrs.

I think you had a name change fail there OP?

Thanks everyone :) we are going to wait for now and hopefully in the future it's something we will do. My main concern was moving my sons schools but it seems it can be a common thing that parents do but we will address that when the time comes.

Appreciate all your advice, it's certainly helped!

Yes total name change fail, nothing wrong with trying to keep a bit of privacy but it will teach me not to use my full name haha.