Sd mum sending her to school

[parsnipsnotsprouts]

So we have a 50/50 arrangement with sd mother. We're all key workers but I'm on mat leave. I've just found out that she's sending sd into school on the days we don't have her. I know for a fact she's part time and not in work on these days. So basically she's sending the child to school on her days off. Am I right to be annoyed by this? We have another dc and they're at home with me and new baby. Feel annoyed that sd is going into school mixing and then coming to us with a new baby when sd has no reason to be in school. I know it's not supposed to effect children much Worried about the new strains of this illness and what it might do to a very small baby.

And plenty of schools are not demanding 5 days. Mine isn’t. So I’m trying to be as flexible as possible and keep it to a maximum of 3 and arrange work around that.

@wowfudge I think it's slightly different if the school are saying they have to be in 5 days or not at all but they're not. Sd is literally going in when mum is off and no other days. Surely that's a place that could be taken by another child? My dc school ( different one) said they had 120 requests for places but could only accommodate 15 per class

@MrsMomoa

What the mother does when its not your days is none of your business.

This

@sassbot she's not eligible for a place. She's lied to the school to get it

I'd stay out of it.

Your opening post states you are all key workers.
So how has she lied? Key workers children are allowed spaces.

@Viviennemary how in gods name is it “none of her business” ??? Of course it bloody well is. My step daughters mum certainly considers me, her ex and our children as well as mine from previous relationship when making big decisions about step daughter! We work together. There might not necessarily be anything that the OP can do about it, but it sure as hell is her business and it certainly does effect her. YANBU op.

I'm just generally annoyed at all parents who send kids because they can or because it's easier.

Every person that does this is part of the reason this may go on longer than any of us want.

Well i share custody of my children with my ex. And let me tell you, what I do with my kids on my time is my business. And if I think it’s better for my children to be in school and they’re eligible for a place, they’re going. End of debate.

Fortunately my exh is on exactly the same page as me. I don’t make decisions in my house based on what’s happening in his.

@wowfudge I will. I usually do tbh. Just having a mini vent really.

Some schools are a only key workers children to be in school on days their parents work unless they have night shifts meaning they need to sleep on their day off as have been working all night

@sassbot she's lied because you're only supposed to send them when you're working not when you're sitting at home on your tuffet.

Fair enough. If she's already spent months home schooling I can understand why she doesn't want to do it now.

Of course she shouldn't be sending her in, the whole point is to have as few children in as possible. Why on earth are people saying it's none of the OP's business what happens in her house!

@lunar1 thanks lunar don't worry used to being put in my place as stepmother

and I'm not sure I can manage all of them on my own

And yet you are keen for the SD's mother to just manage her child on her own. You might have some insight into how difficult life is as a working single parent, even if only P-T.

Life would be better if we didn't judge each other quite so much for making choices.

@FinallyHere I'm well aware of what it's like actually. I worked and was a full time single mother for a good few years before I met dh. She's only got sd and works only when we have her. I will have four here including a new baby. Now that's my choice and nothing to do with her as others have said but I'm not trying to shirk in anyway here. I certainly wouldn't send my children into school by lying about my circumstance just to make my life easier

Your DH will not protect himself by wearing a mask. He will only protect others. YABU if you know that little about transmission.

You don't know that she has lied. She may have asked the school if there was space on the days she has SD. Unless you know that for a fact, I'd be wary of assuming that is true.
Again, your DH needs to find out more without going in all guns blazing. This may be a decision taken in SD's best interests.

Blah blah SM blasting again.

you CAN have an opinion on this. You may not directly parent her but you have a part to play..

That said you can have an opinion but it does look like her mum shares it and nor will she abide by your request ( if you have requested she stay at home)

Surely the whole point of closing the schools is to stop household transmissions as kids and teens are typically asymptomatic & therefore invisible spreaders? At least that's the thinking here in Ireland.
That being the case it would seem to me that any child who can stay at home should stay at home & this child should therefore be at home when her dm is off & at home when her df/sm are off. It's a bit immoral, in my opinion, to send a child into school at the moment if there's someone at home to mind/homeschool them.
Normally I'd say what happens in the other parents house stays in the other parents house but not with regards to covid & lockdowns.
I genuinely feel my exh would have every right to be pissed off with me if I sent our dd into school in the middle of a lockdown when I didn't have to, thus putting two households at totally unnecessary risk.
I honestly cannot see why the op is getting such a flaming.
I hate abiding by rules (anytime) but with Covid I think we all need to stop being so individualistic & become a little more community minded.

I understand @parsnipsnotsprouts feelings and don't feel she's unreasonable. Everyone has their own view on risk and seems only fair for everyone in a connected households needs to be considered. This decision appears to have been made without consideration for OP.

My ex/his wife/their children flaunt all rules by their own admission. They are of the mind that they'll be fine if they get it and want to 'live', which is fair enough but it exposes me when our child goes between homes ( I am high risk due to medical conditions which they are well aware of). It introduced unnecessary risk. I am on my own as well and wfm full time. Unfortunately, our child is old enough to watch the news and hear about this virus so was nervous being around me and ''giving'' me something. They similarly felt it was none of my business, and that this was some attempt to control their lives...

Perhaps I don't have a right to comment here as I'm a Mum whose child has a step Mum not a step Mum myself, but in my experience an ounce of consideration goes a long way. I've had my ex state his wife is not comfortable with something before (non-Covid) and I've adjusted (willingly) to accommodate. I didn't particularly agree with her discomfort but I don't need to agree to be considerate.

Yanbu OP the same people who carry on sending their kids in when they don't need to, will be the same people moaning about how they can't cope with lockdown.
We will just end up being in lockdown for longer because of people like this
Schools aren't there to baby sit your kids whilst you sit on your arse at home.

Sd is literally going in when mum is off and no other days
Are you 100% sure of this? Maybe she has changed her working days, working more hours.

How do you know so well her hours of work?

As people have said, I would have thought they're either in school or not. Much less disruptive than having some days in and some days off.