Unrealistic expectations of his daughter’s behaviour?

[Colouritin]

Hi all,

I’ve been with my partner for about a year and first met his 8 year old daughter about 3 months ago.

My post is about her general behaviour and attitude.

• She doesn’t say please or thank you and needs to be prompted
• She doesn’t flush the toilet
• She eats like a toddler with food all over her face and her clothes
• She regularly tells white lies
• Every bed time is the same argument
• She ignores people and can be generally quite rude

Don’t get me wrong, she is his daughter, every child is different, he can parent how he likes etc however I’m wondering if this is typical behaviour at this age?

I don’t have children myself but I do have nieces and they were never like this. I find it quite bothersome and wonder if myself and her father just have different expectations.

Any thoughts and experiences would be welcome.

I must admit when I read your post alarm bells did start to ring. Have an honest conversation with your H, this is typical behaviour but it should be typically corrected. You need to agree house rules.

She doesn’t say please or thank you and needs to be prompted.
...Prompt her. Insist that she says 'please' and 'thank you'. Not ...endlessly but once in each situation. Say it nicely.

She doesn’t flush the toilet
...She can be reminded to flush the toilet, each time if necessary. If you ...keep on doing it, gently, she will get the picture eventually.

She eats like a toddler with food all over her face and her clothes
...Tell her she is a big girl now and should be eating in a more grown up and tidy way; that it's bad manners and puts others off their food if she does otherwise. Lead by example, eat slowly.

She regularly tells white lies
...A lot of kids do, it's fantasy. Let her know that you realise what she ...has said is a made up story. Smile and laugh if appropriate.

Every bed time is the same argument
...Does she have to sleep at yours? You said you'd only met her three months ago.

She ignores people and can be generally quite rude
...Her dad needs to tell her it is rude to ignore people, it won't hurt her to ...at least be polite even if she doesn't want to engage in a big ...conversation. However some kids feel awkward talking to people they ...don't know, especially adults, and don't mean to be rude.

Both you and your partner need to be on board with all this.